Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, I’m going to be talking about why I’ll be taking my husband’s last name. As you may have noticed, there’s a ring on my hand. And I’ve been engaged these last few months, and I’m going to be getting married. And that is one of the things that my fiance and I talked about. Well, it’s more like someone asked him, one of his aunts asked him like, Oh, his glory, are you going to take your last name after you’re married? And then he asked me, and I was like, oh, yeah, like, why wouldn’t I? So I thought that we could maybe talk about that because there is a bit of a notion that doing that is somehow degrading to a woman. And I want to kind of talk about why I don’t think that is (now I would like to make a disclaimer) I live in the United States, in the United States, it is the custom for the wife to take her husband’s last name in various other parts of the world. That’s not the custom, often women keep their last name, maybe they are hyphenated or whatever. But this is a very US-centric video, I am going to be talking about it from that point of view, please don’t come in the comments and leave a bunch of comments of Well, in my country, we don’t do that, and blah, blah, blah, that’s fine.

Nobody says you love your husband any less, if you’re following your country’s custom, and you don’t take his last name, that’s fine. This video is not meant to throw shade on anyone. However, I do think it’s important to follow whatever the custom of your country is. And in the United States, we do have this custom. And I think that customs matter. There are reasons why we do this. And so I will just say a few things about that. One of the biggest things and one of the biggest reasons why throughout history, places like the US have had the wife take the husband’s last name is your signifying like that you’re a family unit that you’re a team. Now, marriage is the most intimate of relationships. And when you’re taking your husband’s last name, it’s showing how close that bond between you two is going to be. It’s signifying it’s an outward sign of an inward reality. And then another thing your children will know is where they came from, if your children see that Daddy has the last name, Mommy has the same last name. And they have the same last name, they’re going to know where they came from what house they’re from. I find it ironic that shows like Game of Thrones, and Harry Potter have just completely swept the US. And you’ll have someone, some girl will sit there and insist and go, I’m not taking my husband’s last name. That’s property. And then in like, the next breath, Oh, Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. I’m house slytherin or Game of Thrones, whatever that house is, oh, if I was in Game of Thrones, I would be in the house, Bla bla. And it’s like, it’s like, there’s this universal human need to be part of a group to be part of house this or house that and that house is often determined by the last name. That’s actually kind of how last names evolved through the ages. And so yeah, I just nobody worries about viewing it as property when we’re talking about Harry Potter Game of Thrones or something, but yet, throw it in with your husband. And suddenly, it’s a big deal.

Now, again, people can argue and go, well, that’s just a TV show, and bla bla bla, and it’s like, or movie, and I get it. But it is showing something about human nature that everybody is very quick to identify which house or group or clan they would be if they were in the movie, or if they were in the TV show. And it just shows that there is a human desire to belong to a unit, a tribe or a clan, and taking your husband’s last name is kind of an expression of that. And also, like, I think my fiance is amazing. And, you know, taking his last name is a way to be associated with that. amazingness you know, so like, if you’re marrying somebody, I would hope that you think they’re amazing. So why wouldn’t you want to take their last name? Why wouldn’t you want to be associated with them? You know, I would say, except in the cases of where, you know, if you’re in a country, where it’s, you know, the prevailing custom to not take your husband’s last name, that’s different.

But if you’re in a country where that is the custom, why wouldn’t you follow that custom? You know, it seems a little odd you know, if the relationship is as close and loving as you say, you know, you trust your husband, why? Wouldn’t you want to be associated with him that way? Again, assuming it’s the prevailing customer of your country, if it’s not totally different, it’s a kind of food for thought. Another reason is, you know, protection, when you take your husband’s last name, people know that, like, you and your husband have a connection. So if somebody messes with you, they know that there’s going to be somebody else, you know, getting upset and possibly coming after them.

So, for women, that can almost be like, you know, a benefit, like a kind of protection, it’s kind of a cynical thing. But you know, food for thought, there are some men that, you know, when they see that you’re single, you know, the more predatory men, you know, they’re going to kind of size up their target, if they know she has a husband. Now, granted, you know, taking your last name, they’re not going to know whether the last name is your maiden name or your married name. But there could be a situation where they find out that that’s not your maiden name. And then they know, oh, there’s a husband in the picture here. Like, I should probably go after somebody who might be an easier target. Like, I don’t want some guy coming after me with a baseball bat. So food for thought, again, that’s cynical. And that’s not like, hopefully a common situation, but it’s food for thought. And then the next reason for me, the reason I’m doing it is yes, I think my fiance’s amazing. I want to he’s what he’s probably watching this video, like how they are, but I think he’s amazing. And again, I want to be associated with him in whatever way possible. So like I want, that’s why I want to take his last name, you know, another reason is, as somebody who did spend time in a convent, it is part of the Catholic tradition to change your name, when you embark on a new direction in life, you know, a new path in life. So when you become a nun, or when you become a monk, you will change your name to, you know, a name chosen by the community.

So, you know, I wasn’t there long enough to receive a name, you know, I was only at the convent for a couple of months. But if I had stayed there, what I would have had to do is pick the names of about three or four saints that I really liked and looked up to, and I felt were, you know, good role models that I felt a rapport with. And I would submit those names to the head of the convent. And then they would choose from among those names, or, you know, if they wanted to choose a completely different one, they could, but usually, they would choose from the list of names, and that would be your new name. So Gloria would have become, you know, sister, Mary Thomas, or something, you know, you guys know, I love St. Thomas. And so, of course, he would have been on the list. But you know, I wouldn’t have been glorious anymore, I would have been sister Thomas, or sister John, or whatever. And so that is a sign of, you know, the new life you’re taking on. And the precedent for this comes from the Bible. We see it in the Bible over and over. When God chooses someone for a new life, He gives them a new name we used to have, you know, if you look at Abraham, you know, the patriarch Abraham, he was basically just living in his father’s tent, kind of not really a mountain too much.

And God was like, I’m going to make you the father of generations. You know, I want you to leave your father’s house, go to a new land. I’ve got big plans for you. And his name was originally Abram. And God said, No, you are no longer Abram. Now you are Abraham, and God changed his name. We saw this also with St. Peter, you know, the first pope, I believe his name originally was Simon, I’m not super clear on what his original name was. But our Lord said Thou are Peter. And the word for Peter in Hebrew is Kayfetz, which is rock. And he says thou and so our Lord kind of did a bit of a pun and wordplay. And he said, Thou art Peter the rock, and on this rock, I will build my church. Because, again, Peter, he wasn’t going to be a fisherman anymore. He was going to be leading this new, you know, movement, this church that our Lord was founding. And so that’s, that’s a new job, you know, he’s gonna be he’s got a lot of new responsibility and stuff to do, the work we do can often shape our identity. And that’s what God’s kind of indicating here.

He’s saying, I have new plans for you. I have new things I want you to do. When I was in the convent. I read a book and it was so beautiful. It said Life is but a series of projects planned by an all-loving God. I mean, I may be butchering the quote a little bit, but that’s what it was. Life is a series of projects planned by an old loving God. And I thought, Wow, what a beautiful way to conceptualize life. You know, isn’t it really just a series of projects, you know, when you’re young your project is I got to graduate college, I got to get good. You know, I got to get my degree. That’s your big project. Then you graduate college. You’re like, well, I got to get a good job. That’s my next video. job and then you know you’re dating. I gotta find Mr. Right? That’s another big project, you know? So yeah, life really is a series of projects. And when God decides to give you a new set of projects, a new theme, he’ll change your name. You know, we’ve seen this in the Bible and we see it in religious communities. Look at Saul and Paul, you know, Saul was a big persecutor of the early Catholics, the early Christians. And then, you know, God literally struck them off his horse, and basically gave him a wake-up call and was like Saul, why are you persecuting me? Like, knock it off, you know. And so then Saul became Paul, and he became this huge defender in the early church.

And we have his writings and letters in the Bible. And you know, he did a lot for Christianity. But again, he changed his name as well. So in that vein, that, for me, was the coolest and most compelling reason for why I wanted to take my husband. He’s not my husband, yet. He’ll be my husband in January. I don’t know when you’re watching this. But that’s why I will be taking my fiance’s last name. It’s like, once she becomes somebody’s wife, that is a lot of new projects. And I would argue the reason why it’s the woman who changes her name, is because she has more of a life adjustment to make than the man, men, you know, they go to work, they come home, they get married, and it’s like, they go to work, they come home, and now there’s a wife there, you know, but us women, when we get married, we take on a household, you know, most of us, even if you’re the most like career driving ambitious woman when you come home, you’ll look around and be like, ooh, it’s kind of a mess. And oh, what are we going to eat? Oh, we got dirty socks. Nobody did the laundry. You know, us women, we worry about taking care of a household. You know, when you’re married, whether you’re working ambitious, or you’re totally Trad wife, you know, hashtag Trad wife, either way, you’re going to at least be paying attention to the home and being like, Oh, dear, we got to do something about that.

So when you get married, you know, you’re taking on responsibility for guys household, you know, laundry meals for you guys, even if he’s going to do some of the cooking or some of the laundry. That’s something you know that you guys are going to have to work out and figure out together. Most of the time, it’s the woman at least initiating the conversation like, Hey, babe, I noticed you like to cook, do you mind if you do the cooking and I’ll handle this when I come home from work. Or if you are, you know, like a stay-at-home wife, then you know, you’re like, Yep, I’m taking care of the household, I’m going to do the laundry, you’re taking on a lot of responsibilities. Historically, children were viewed as the natural result of marriage. You know, a lot of times you get married to have children. And as a woman becoming pregnant and giving birth and being a mother, that is a huge life adjustment. Huge. Now, it’s a big adjustment for men too, but not in the same way.

So I would argue that that’s why women historically took their husband’s last name because they’re making more of a life transition than men are. That’s just my two cents on it. You know, maybe men can chime in, who are married, please. No keyboard warriors who are like, well, this is what I think. And it’s like, are you married? No. Have you been on a date lately? No. Okay, but you know, maybe if you’re a married man, and you’re watching this, you can chime in on it. I think fatherhood is what really makes the life adjustment for men. But for women, our big life adjustment starts when we’re married, you know, because now you have another person there needs to consider their laundry to consider you know, and so yeah, it’s a big life adjustment. And that’s why I think that’s part of the reason why women historically were the ones that change their name, and that’s why I think it’s cool that I get to change my name like I’m looking forward to it.

I feel sorry for my future husband that he doesn’t get to change his name. You know, I’m the one that gets to do this. Like cool, symbolic, like, Yeah, I’m embarking on a new path in life like yeah, changing my name, you know, but he doesn’t get to do that. So I feel a little sorry for him because he is embarking on a new path too, you know? But um, yeah, so anyways, those are my thoughts on why I’ll be taking my fiance, future husband’s last name and why I’m proud to do it. And I don’t have any you know, I don’t feel like I’m suffering a loss of my identity. Feminism tells us, women, that we’re all strong and empowered, and you know, blah, blah. And it’s like, okay, but yet we’re scared to change our last name. Like is your identity that fragile that you can’t change your last name and you think you’re losing yourself? My identity is stable enough. to where it can survive a change like that, it’s not going to, you know, make me have an identity crisis or anything, you know.

So, I do think that’s a little bit of a flaw in feminism, you know, they’re like, oh, yeah, you’re all strong and empowered, blah, blah, blah. But oh my gosh, don’t take the guy’s last name, I might not know who I am anymore. You know, like, that’s, it’s kind of weird. Again, I’m only speaking to people who, you know, it’s your country’s custom to do this plenty of other ways to signify your pride and your man and your you guys as a unit and your new life. If you’re in a country that doesn’t do that, however, it has been the custom in the US, and the people who want to abolish that custom, I don’t feel they have good reasons for it in the other countries, like, say, Latin America, where the woman doesn’t change her name. They’re often very family-centric cultures. And they have other ways to compensate and indicate this family connection. And you guys are a unit, you know, all the things that I talked about changing your name signifies, these other countries have ways to compensate for that they signify those things in other ways. And so that’s why it’s not a big deal if you don’t take your husband’s name, because you’re still signifying the family connection and the pride, you know, in your man and the dedication to a new life, you’re still signifying that in other ways, however, in the US, that’s been our way to signify those things.

And the people that want to abolish it and say, Oh, well, you know, it’s just, it, you’re, you’re being treated like property and the internet, it’s like, Okay, do you have a better idea? Like, how else are we going to signify this stuff? And they don’t have an answer for it, because they don’t want to signify, you know, the family unit, and you know, all those things that I talked about, they don’t want to signify that stuff. This is not about women’s empowerment, or Oh, no, we don’t want you to be property, like, everybody knows darn well, that you’re not property. And if you are somebody who doesn’t want to take your husband’s last name, because you’re afraid that he’s gonna treat you like property, what does that say about you and your choice of man, you should be choosing a man that loves you in a sturdy enough way, in a deep and mature and intimate way to where you can change your last name, and it’s not gonna affect the way he sees you. Like, if you’re with someone like that, why on earth are you marrying him? Like that’s more of a reflection that reflects badly on you rather than him? Just saying, just saying.

So again, in the US in order to signify those things. We do the name change, and I mean, until somebody can come up with a better idea. I mean, I think we should stick with this custom. I do think it’s a good custom. So yeah, anyway, I just thought I would talk about that food for thought. And I’m trying to think if there’s anything else I wanted to say about that. But I think that’s pretty much it. Again, I know this is a bit of a controversial topic. And again, no disrespect is meant to people of other countries, you know, that don’t do the name change, I totally understand. But here in the US, you know, name changing has gotten a bit there have been some attempts to kind of like, dismiss it and be like, Oh, well, that’s like, degrading to women. And it’s like, no, it’s not. What I think is degrading to women is the idea that women can’t change their name. Without it somehow, you know, hurting their identity. Like, if that’s really the way you see it respectfully, you need to shore up your identity a little bit more. Just what I’m saying. Sorry. But anyways, yeah. So feel free to leave a comment below, you know, I’m totally open to hear your thoughts about it. Especially if you’re somebody that you know, you’re in the US and you don’t want to do a name change. Let’s say, you’re a woman, and you don’t want to do a name change. If you have a good reason for it.

Like, let me know. I mean, other than, well, it’s inconvenient. I have to change all the paperwork, or that old argument of oh, it just shows that your property like blah, blah, blah, like, I’ve heard those arguments, if you have a different one, I mean, I’m willing to hear it or if you’re like, I don’t like a name change, but I think we could signify the family connection another way or the pride in your man another way. I’m open to hearing those thoughts. The thing that I never hear is, you know, everybody wants to get rid of this custom, but nobody ever thinks about what it signifies and how you can signify those things in other adequate ways. But anyways, okay, so that’s the video. Let me know if you have any questions or comments, and have a great day.