In today’s video, we are going to discuss the all-too-common criticism of elegance and femininity channels: “But you’re only doing this to please men!!!”. I talk about why that isn’t always a bad thing, and why channels tend to take this angle when talking about feminine self-development.
Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we are going to address the criticism that femininity is only about what men like. So there’s probably going to be a quick video. I know that’s like famous last words, I always say that and then I do this, like 20 minute Whopper. But I really do think this one’s gonna be quick, because this is basically criticism of femininity, obviously, there are tons of femininity channels on YouTube, it’s really exploded in the last few years, which I think overall is a good thing, I’ve been into femininity since before YouTube even existed.
So it’s kind of nice to see femininity come into its own, and get some screen time on the various social media platforms. Because, it’s everywhere, these channels, they’re on Instagram, they’re on tick tock all kinds of places. Now, there is a lot of bad advice out there. I will agree with that. And I’ll touch on that in this video. But one of the main criticisms of these channels and just of femininity, teachings in general, is that, oh, you’re only doing this for a man or why is all femininity about attracting a man,and I would just like to talk about this criticism a little bit. And first of all, there’s the obvious statement, it’s not always about attracting a man.
However, to be fair to the critics, yes, a lot of content is made from the point of view of be feminine, so that you’ll get him in. And two, that I will say that is the carrot that many women need in order to develop a more softer side of themselves. And I’ve seen the same criticism be leveled across like men’s improvement channels. I will often watch those channels for research on this channel, because I like to know what the guys are thinking. And they often get the same criticism, their improvement advice for men is often wrapped in the language of this is how to get a woman and to a certain extent, it’s normal and natural to want to figure out how to get a partner. If you’re a woman, it’s normal and natural, unless you’re one of the women that just doesn’t feel called to marriage, which is totally cool. That’s an option. You don’t have to get married. You can be a nun, you can live alone in the world. You don’t have to have a man in your life. You don’t. You do have to have Christ in your life, if you want to be happy. But other than him, like you don’t need like an earthly man in your life, like no, you can totally have an awesome life without a man
So not all of you are going to resonate, and some of the critics to be fair, I would guess that some of these critics are probably women who, yeah, they just don’t feel called to marriage. And so they don’t understand, like, why would I need to work on my femininity? Why would I need to try to develop these more stereotypically feminine qualities of kindness, gentleness, things like that? Why would I need to do that because I don’t want a man and that’s fine. That’s fine if they feel like that, but they need to recognize that they’re in the minority. Most women, the majority of women do want a man in their life. They do want to be known and loved by a man that they respect. And that is just a normal, basic human desire.
There is nothing wrong with you. If you feel that way. You’re not codependent, not going to end up in some weird empath narcissist dynamic that is a natural, feminine longing us women, we are ordered that way. God made us in such a way that we’re ordered toward relationships and Children and Family and Children and Families precisely the thing that is being attacked in our society nowadays, obviously, we have, abortion everywhere that’s considered normal. There’s a recent Supreme Court case going on right now. And it’s a huge debate, people on both sides are like, wow, this might have some profound effects on our society. And so it’s bringing up that debate again, but yeah, children, motherhood, those are topics that we don’t like in our society we want in our society, we’re very designed toward having like an individual based thing. And that’s not true. The family is the basis of society. The main building block of society is actually not the individual, it’s the family. And so women in us are being ordered that way toward finding a partner and having a happy relationship and then leading to children, that is something that actually builds society, and it is a huge injustice that we have not given women credit for that. But that is how we are. And so it’s nothing to be ashamed about.
If you are interested in improving your dating odds, I look at it this way, we are taught to develop skills in every other area of our life. Why should dating and attracting men be any different? Why should dealing with men be any different? Men don’t think the way we do. And having to interact with them can sometimes be kind of painful, like emotionally. If you’ve ever worked outside the home and you deal with men on a daily basis, you’ll agree you’re like, Yeah, dude, men are harsh, and like, they’re rude and inconsiderate. Like, a lot of times, they’re not fun to be around, especially if you don’t understand how they’re different from us. If you’re expecting them to act like a woman, it can be extremely disappointing dealing with them. And so things like femininity channels and femininity content that teach you this is how men think this is how you think, this is stereotypically feminine men respond well to this is how they think in dating.
These are some rules for dating things that will help your odds help you get what you want. Things like that, developing those skills of relating to the opposite sex is actually very beneficial. And there’s no reason you should be shamed for wanting to develop that skill. I would argue it’s a skill that’s actually more relevant and more important than most of the other skills we idolize nowadays. So and again, I also think, while a lot of the people who make this criticism, I’m sure a lot of them have their hearts in the right place. They want women to have a good life and have options and good opportunities. So a lot of people, they’re not trying to be harmful. But I do think it is harmful to shame women for wanting to do things that will improve their odds with men and help them get along with men better, we all want to be loved. We all want to find a lifetime partner, almost all of us, most of us. And so I shaming people for wanting to do that and learn how to do that part of our problem with our society is nobody knows how to date, nobody knows how to get along with the opposite sex. So we’re all just kind of stumbling in the dark. And God help anyone who wants to learn and change that that’s not good. And then the other thing is people who say that, that criticism, why Why does everything have to be about pleasing men? And it’s like, why are we insulting women?
Again, I know these people, most of them are not trying to be harmful, but it’s actually kind of an insult to women. In that it’s like, why are we not like women are going to femininity channels for a purpose. Most of us, some of us do have a problem with caring too much what men think. And we’re too wrapped up and we try too hard to make them like us. Yes, that is totally a problem. And if you’re watching this, you’ll know in your gut, whether it’s you, so yeah, maybe someone like you, maybe you want to lay off the femininity channels. As far as you know how to attract men, maybe you want to look at the femininity content. That’s more about mindset and character development. So you can develop a better relationship with yourself instead of a man. So some of you Yeah, me, may need that. But on the other hand, a lot of us, myself included, this is a big factor in why I got into femininity content way back when femininity content back then was just like obscure books. It wasn’t like there wasn’t a YouTube, there wasn’t an Instagram. So I started looking at books and magazine articles and things like that, because that was when I was like 17. That was a while ago. So I went to it though, because I wanted to understand men and I wanted to have a happy relationship.
Us women are practical. We’re not reading or watching his femininity content, because we’re idiots. We’re watching it because we want to get a certain result. We’re practical. We’re like, Look, I’m not getting what I want. I want a good man in my life. And I don’t have that. What can I do to fix that? And so we’re practically learning the emotional and relational skills to get what we want. And I think it’s kind of an insult to women. When we paint everybody with a broad brush and say, Oh, girls are only watching femininity channels, because no they just, they just care what men think. And it’s stupid. And it’s like, no, it’s not. We’re being practical, and figuring out what we need to do to get what we want from men.
Okay, Most of us want a happy relationship with a man we admire. We want him to love and respect us. And we understand that if you want someone to love and respect you, it matters how you talk to them. It matters how you present yourself. So yeah, it’s important to learn about how to present yourself and how to communicate.
So anyways, that’s just a bit of a rant, but I just wanted to say, yeah, it is important and legitimate to care what men think of you, it’s not always a sign that you’re some demeaning doormat. It can be a sign that you are practical and you are a results oriented woman who is applying that kind of attitude in her love life, and good for you. So anyways, if you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. And you can like subscribe, do all the standard social media things but yeah, so I hope that was helpful food for thought. And have a great rest of your day. Thank you for watching.