Today’s video I just realized I’m not wearing earrings. Ah, bummer. Okay, well, besides the earrings. Today’s video, we’re going to talk about a really important question which is more important than whether you wear jewelry. But today’s video, we’re going to talk about the three states in life, what they are, how you can figure out which one is the one, you know which one are you and then also kind of give you some guidelines and, you know, further steps about that. the three states in life are a concept that actually came from Catholicism. I haven’t heard any other religions really talk about this. This is where I heard about it. And I think they’re very useful even if you’re not Catholic, you know, if you’re atheist or Protestant or Christian, whatever, like, you’re definitely welcome to watch my channel. So I’m glad you’re here. But this is something I heard about from Catholicism, and I think it’s useful for everybody because it helps you look at your life From a very high level, and I feel like if you can get this thing right, you’ll get so many other parts of your life. It’ll just fall into place. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

All right, welcome to Thomistic womanhood. I hope you’re having a great day. Today we’re going to talk about the three states of life. I don’t mean states, like, you know, like a political state. State is more like, you know, kind of like your mental state, you know, it kind of like what you’re doing, you know, that is what they mean. And so the three states of life, as I mentioned earlier, this is a concept that has been kind of used by the Catholic Church when it’s helping its members figure out what they want to do with their life. And so I thought this would be a good thing to talk about. Because there’s a lot of wisdom in it. And I think it’s applicable to people who are not even Catholic. And so this is something to where you are basically figuring out what you are going to do with your life, but it’s a little deeper than that. It’s not like what do I want to do with my life? What kind of career do I want? It’s a little deeper than that. It’s the foundation. There’s what you want to do with your life and this is the foundation that sits below that, so that you can build a nice, it’s kind of like building a house, your state in life is the foundation and the house you’re building is your career, whatever you want to do, but you have to get this foundation right Or, you know, if you’re kind of on the wrong Foundation, and you try to build a career on it, it’s like, it’s not really you know, and so with your state in life, it is the general kind of like lifestyle you want to pursue. 

The Three States of Life

And so without further ado, the three states in life. These are the three high level things you can do with your life. And so number one is the married state, you know, if you’re a woman, men have an additional one, if they’re especially if you’re Catholic, you know, they have the priesthood open. But if you’re a woman, you have three options, you can get married, you can be like a nun, you know, you can pursue some kind of spiritual vocation, or you can just be single in the world and not do either one of those things. And this is really important to think about, do I want to marry or do I want to pursue a spiritual calling, usually,  in a convent as a nun, or do you want you know, a nun doing ministry? Or do you want to not do either of those, and you want to just live singly in the world, be single, and you know, maybe pursue like a career or something like that, you know, some kind of calling that isn’t necessarily marriage or Like, a religious thing, maybe you have some kind of calling. So anyways, those are the three options.

How to Know What Option You Fall Into

Now how to know whether like what option you fall into is, it’s something that takes discernment and thinking. And I do give the Catholic Church credit because they have a lot of resources that help you figure out which one you should go into. I’m going to get into some of that in this video because not all of you, you know, you may not have access to those resources, you may not be Catholic, and you may not have access to that but so we’ll go over it a little quickly. But just know this is not something you can figure out in one YouTube video. I’m going to give you kind of an introduction to this. But I really want you to think about it and journal and talk to your family and look back on your life and ask yourself you know, some questions and like some really on it. have an honest conversation with yourself preferably a Few honest conversations with yourself about what you really want to do with your life. If you’re kind of like if you’ve just graduated high school or you’re getting ready to graduate high school, this is a good time to think about that. If you’re in college and you’re pursuing a major, you know, always a good time to think about this early adulthood is when you really want to kind of get this nailed down. But you know, at any point in your life, this is worth thinking about.

So the Catholic Church has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years and in her history, there’s kind of a general established kind of, like, kind of general wisdom on this thing. And the belief is, in general in the church’s history, they’ve observed that people tend to fall into roughly these proportions. The majority of people tend to be meant for the married life, the married state, so usually about two thirds of people. The next one third are meant for the religious life, you know, to be like a nun. And these are women who have an orientation toward spiritual things. They don’t necessarily want to be married, they don’t want the hassle of men or children, but they do want to help the world, they do want to contribute. And you know, they can see, you know, nuns used to they don’t just pray. If you know, some of you might not be Catholic, and you may not really be like, what’s a nun? What do they do? So nuns, they don’t just sit in a chaplain’s prayer, they will actually help the sick, they will teach children, they can be writers, they may write things. You’re like a Dominican nun, you know, you may translate books, things like that. So there’s a lot of different things that nuns do, and they all kind of live in common, and you have a house full of women. That may sound chaotic, but it’s actually not they have a, you know, kind of like a boss nun, for lack of a better term. If you’re Catholic, and you’re watching this, you’re laughing because it’s probably like, wow, I never heard a talk like that, but You know, but yeah, basically it’s a house full of women, they live together. You know, they take vows, and they’re supported by the church so they don’t have jobs and they basically dedicate their life to the church, you know, in exchange for not having a job. And living off of donations like when you donate to the church, part of that money is going toward what’s called a convent. It’s where these nuns live. And it helps pay their bills so that they can dedicate their life to God, but God in the less fortunate So, you know, in the sick or the poor, or, you know, children that need to be taught, you know, things like that. there, you dedicate your life to it, you know, and it’s a very beautiful life. I did consider being a nun briefly. And I spent about, I spent about two months in a convent and it was a really beautiful experience. Ultimately, you know, that, you know, I figured out that wasn’t what God wanted for me. And like I said, there’s a lot of resources to help figure out this question, you know, it was not just me figuring it out alone, you know, the nuns and the priests and everybody, like helped me figure out like, what, whether I was called for that or not. And ultimately, I wasn’t, but it was, it was still an amazing experience. Do not regret doing it. I know sometimes in Hollywood, they can present convents as being like a very negative experience, you know, that maybe like women were just like, forced into them or whatever, you know, and it’s not like that at all, you know, as a woman, you join a convent, if you choose, you know, you always have a choice. And in fact, if you are ever somehow forced, like your family, like, you know, tells you you have to be a nun, convent will reject you because you have to want to be there. You know, they’re not going to accept you if you’re doing it against your will. So that is I feel like that’s kind of an urban legend. Like sometimes you watch Hollywood movies and like, they tend to portray it as just like a really oppressive negative place. And it’s not I can tell you from experience it is not. So as a woman, it can be very liberating and freeing because you are freed up from the demands of children or a husband. And, you know, when you’re able to pursue, you know, a calling toward, you know, helping humanity, really Mother Teresa, she’s a very famous example of a nun and you can tell that she was really committed to what she was doing, you know, that was not oppressive for her, you know, she saw the problems of humanity, and she dedicated her life to doing something about that, you know, and so as a woman that is like one of the highest and best things you can do with your life, and you can really do a lot of good, you know, it’s an amazing life. But it is something that is not the majority of women, they’re usually women are usually not called to that but a third of you know, that’s about 30% of women. So that is a significant amount of women, you know, that are called to that kind of life.

And then also, you know, there’s the married state, we all know what that is, you know, getting married. And if you like men, men can be a handful, for sure. But if you, you know, if you genuinely like men and you want your own, you know, you’re probably meant to be married, you like children, you know, you’re probably meant to be married. But you know, and it’s not always that simple. You know, there are many women who became nuns, and they love men and children, you know. So that’s why I say this is a complex question. And it’s something you have to give a lot of prayer and thought to, but in general, with married life, you know, there are certainly duties and responsibilities for that. And you know, dealing with men in a very intimate close way is one of them. if you’re really grossed out by like, The idea of sex like, maybe marriage isn’t for you, you know, just saying, you know, not always not always again, you know, but food for thought and then the single life you know, if you’re listening to both of these states on life and you’re like, you know, honestly, I don’t really like them being in a convent would limit my freedom. I don’t want that. But you know, getting married limits your freedom too and so well in that case, you know, maybe you’re meant to be single and there’s nothing wrong with that, you know, you can be the cool aunt that like, you know, she’s got her own place, you know, people come over and she can have like, her nieces and nephews over and you have your own life and like nobody meddles with it, maybe you have some kind of career or other like, not necessarily like a spiritual calling, but you know, you have some other way that you really feel called to contribute to humanity on, that’s the single life. You can definitely, you can definitely do that. And there’s no shame in That. I know a lot of people talk bad about Catholicism and like, Oh, it’s so like guilt ridden, blah, blah. I feel like Catholicism is very liberating for women for this reason. These are my notes. It is liberating because it gives you a choice outside of marriage. You know, if you don’t want to ever get married, you can go to a convent and like, you’re totally like, it’s a totally legitimate way of life. You know, nobody’s going to look down on you and be like, Oh, she joined the convent because men didn’t like her. She got disappointed in love. That’s not that’s not the belief also with the single state you know, if you have, there’s something you want to do with your life that marriage or like being in a convent isn’t going to really jive with. You don’t have to get married, you know, and that’s why I really wanted to make this video and explain to you these three Different archetypes, but kind of like lifestyles. Because if you want to have a good life, it’s important to figure out one of these. And the belief in Catholicism is that God’s designed you for one of these states in life, and you’re going to have the personality quirks that will fit you for one of them. And that if you want to have a happy life, you know, not to mention, like a good spiritual life, you know, but if you want to have even just a happy life, you want to get this part, right.

You want to figure out which of these states of life you want to be in, and that suits you, you know, not everybody is meant to be married. Not everyone is meant to live single, you know, and I say living single it may sound lonely and sad, but you can have a very full life. You know, you can live near your family and you get to see them pretty often. You can have a nice circle of friends. You can have a good fulfilling career where you feel like you’re giving back to the world. You can Have a very good full life and not get married or be a nun, you know. And so I think this is something that is missing in the current discussion of women’s role and what is the role of women in society? And I feel like feminism especially, can be tricky when you hear it because I feel like a lot of women who were feminists, I feel like they were women who were not meant to be married. I don’t think they were called to the married state. And so when they write in their books, you know, you read a lot of stuff like Gloria Steinem and the various, women in the 60s who really brought feminism to the point where it is now where it’s very mainstream, you know, a lot of these ideas that are now just kind of natural kind of parts of our culture that like we as women take for granted. You know, like, have you ever thought like where the shame over wanting a man comes from? That is something that was originally kind of taught in the 60s Gloria Steinem said, a woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle. You know, she was kind of the early proponent that like, Oh, you shouldn’t need a man. That’s silly, you know. And I would argue that if you are meant for the married state, you absolutely need a man. Not necessarily to make you a full, complete human being. But there’s a particular work you’re called to do in your life. And you need a male partner to do that, you know, the married state, it’s, it’s a team, it’s two people. And so you’re meant to be married? Yeah, there is. There’s a man out there that you need to team up with. And so in that sense, you do need a man but again, I think in the discussion of feminism, it’s all or nothing, you know, either Oh, everybody tells women they have to get married and that is part of because I feel like outside of Catholicism Marriage really is seen as the only legitimate option for a woman I don’t disagree with the feminists on that. that often throughout history has been the dominant attitude toward women. And it took organized religions like Catholicism to establish No, there’s a different way for women,  they’re not just available to men for their uses, you know, and I think also, you know, you can have Buddhist nuns, you know, it’s not just, and then in Rome, you had like the Vestal virgins, you know, and so it wasn’t Catholicism isn’t the only religion, but Catholicism is probably the biggest one. And probably the the most the one that’s like most well known about it, you know, everybody’s kind of heard of a Catholic nun, you know, but yeah, that’s why I do kind of have a beef of feminism when they talk about you know, all married life is terrible and marriage is oppression. It’s like, did you make the distinction? Remember, we talked in another video about distinctions, you know the video on truth. We talked about sometimes we can fall into an error, we can miss the truth, because we failed to make a distinction. And I feel like with feminism, they are falling into an error here when they say that marriage is a terrible, oppressive thing. And I think the thing that’s very confusing about feminism is, you know, you read what these women have to say. And We all know situations where women definitely, they did get forced into these marriages that were not good. And you know, a lot of women weren’t meant to be married. And so for them, it does sound like oppression, or it was oppression, you know, they had to raise kids and they didn’t like that. They always had a man like you reading their body, you know, and that was, you know, a terrible thing for them to go through because they probably weren’t meant to be married.

Now, there were women who were meant to be married. But perhaps they married a man that was not a good husband. He was a tyrant. He was selfish, he was a jerk. He made their life hell, that is also a problem. That’s also another distinction we need to make though. The institution of marriage itself is one not meant for everyone and two the man you pick will make or break that. And so I don’t think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater and say that marriage is a bad idea. You know, I feel like in our culture, at least in America, you know, I’m from America, maybe your country’s better. But I know at least in America, we’re very affected by the feminist movement of the 60s. And a lot of those ideas have now become these unquestioned pillars of our culture.

And so women, there is a bit of a shame, if you want to put marriage and motherhood ahead of your career, being career driven, that’s very much a single state thing. You know, if you really enjoy your career, and that gives you fulfillment, there are women that really don’t feel the need to get married or anything. Now, do think about your whole life, you know, because in your 20s, when you have energy and you’re young, and the workforce is new, and having a career is new, for the first few years so that it can be very fulfilling, you can feel like, man, I don’t see why people need to get married, like, I’m having a great time in my career, but I feel like once you hit your 30s the novelty wears off. And then you really have to ask yourself some harder questions. You know, you have to ask yourself, should I have gotten married in my 20s? You know, What do I really want with my life? You know, and try to think about it when you’re when you’re young, you want to give yourself plenty of time. If you do decide you want to get married, you want to give yourself plenty of time to pick a good man, especially in today’s world where there are so many bad options, I feel like a lot of men are so ruined by porn and all the hookups stuff. And then a lot of them come from broken families where they have mom issues and like they can’t really commit to a woman because they’re just so traumatized and broken. You know, a lot of guys don’t deal with their baggage. And so as a woman, you know, when these men go out into the dating scene, and you’re sitting there across from them, like trying to debate whether, you guys are going to have a relationship. A lot of these guys, they’re in no shape for that. You know, and I feel like in the 60s, there was enough of a there was that There’s still that 50s mentality, you know that like as a man, you had to have some kind of morality a little bit, although 60s just kind of throwing that off. And so I just feel like back then, you know, feminists have a different dating pool to deal with than what we have now. And so that can take time to find a good man. And that’s why you want to figure out fairly soon in life. You know which one of these states in life you want to be in? Because heaven forbid, you get married, and you realize, you know what, I should have been a nun or you know what, I shall live single. You know what, I’m married, and I hate children. I love my kids. But I hate being a parent. You know, I mean, that’s real. You know, there are women that like, yeah, you get into it, and you’re like, I got married because I didn’t know about this. I didn’t know there were options, you know. And then you have kids and you know, some women, they genuinely don’t enjoy being mothers. That’s okay. You know, not every woman is meant to be a mother, like a biological mother is what I’m saying. I feel like all women have maternal instincts. You know, maybe we want a mother or pets, maybe we’re really into plants and growing things. You know, I feel like all of us women, we want to kind of mother something, but biological motherhood is part of the married state. And biological motherhood is not meant for everyone. You want to figure that out sooner rather than later. Because like I said, God forbid you get into a marriage and you get kids in, and then you realize, Oh, I’m in a wrong state in life, I shouldn’t have done this one. And so that can be that can be an issue. And also going back to what I was saying earlier, if you do discern that you’re meant to be married, you know that that’s the state and life for you. That’s what you’re suited for. And that’s what you’d like and you want to do. Then you want to spend your 20s finding a good man, you know, because when you’re young, you’re hot. You know, it’s a lot easier. men, bless their hearts, but they’re very affected by looks. And I feel like also when you’re young and hot, I feel like you can get what you want out of men a little easier.

When you want that commitment, you want to get a commitment when you’re in the best position to get it. I’m not saying you can’t find a good man, if you’re in your 30s or 40s or beyond, you know, there’s always people who get married at those ages every day. So if you’re watching this, and you’re like, Oh my gosh, I never married and I’m like, 38, and I do still want to get married. Or, you know, maybe you’re watching this and you’re a little older in life. Don’t despair, you know, there’s always hope. But I’m just saying you’re gonna have an easier time in your 20s. And I’m just saying this because nobody told me this when I was in my 20s and I just kind of drifted through my 20s and now I’m in my 30s and Honestly, I wish I had taken finding a man and getting married. I wish I had taken that more seriously, that’s probably the biggest regret of my 20s. I was so busy trying to have a rough background. And so I wasn’t able to just live with my family. So I had to develop a career kind of out of necessity. But that development of a career took up so much energy in my 20s. And I it wasn’t even like a conscious choice. Like I said, like, I kind of had to do this by necessity. And I just thought somehow the marriage thing would handle itself, and it didn’t. So I feel like nowadays, you know, maybe back in like the 50s and 60s when society still believed that everybody should get married. Yeah, you kind of could float your way into marriage, but not now. I feel like nowadays, you know, if you’re in your 20s you need to put some thought into it. You need to sit down and ask yourself what kind Man you want to go for? I think we should also mention at this point, the concept of hypergamy, you want to marry up, you don’t want to marry a guy that has a lower job than you. Maybe he doesn’t, you know, he doesn’t have his life together. You want to marry a man that you admire, and you look up to and you know, hypergamy. That’s another topic that like, makes the rounds around YouTube. I think a lot of red pill guys. I’m amazed. The MGTOW and the red pill guys tend to observe women I feel like more closely than we do. Because once I heard what hypergamy was, I was like, Oh my gosh, yeah. I always believe in like, like, my aunts and my mom, they were always like, if I had any standards, they were mad about it. And I feel like a lot of women get that, you know, if we try to marry up you know, get a guy that likes maybe as money or something, you know, we get told Oh, you’re a gold digger. So I feel like hypergamy is a topic for another video. But you know, suffice it to say that in your 20s, you want to figure this out. And then if you are the kind of woman that is meant to be married, you want to put some thought and some effort into selecting a suitable partner for yourself and picking a partner. Again, this is something no one ever told me. And so I’m telling you, because I don’t want you to have the same mistakes I did. But finding a partner is an exercise in self interest, you do not exist so that losers can have a chance in a good woman. You have to get a good man for yourself. So that you will have a good marriage. It is partly about you. So keep that in mind.

But anyways, having said that, yeah, these are the three different states in life, spend some time you know, thinking about what you want to do. And then based on that, you know, obviously if you’re a nun, you don’t really Have a career so that but you know, even the nun you pick what kind of you know, do you want to be a teacher? Do you want to nurse, you know, whatever, there is some vocational aspect to it. But you know, once you figure out which of these states in life, then you can pick a career a lot more easily. Because you’ll know the goals for your career. This is something that at least in America, our educational system doesn’t help you with. They just tell you, oh, go pick a career. Like they assume Yeah, you’re going to go get a career and it’s like, yeah, most of you will get a career. But you need to pick a career that’s going to fit yourself and the ultimate goals you have for your life. So if you ultimately want to be married, or  you want to work a few years, and then you want to go try your hand at a convent because you know, a convent, you can leave after a couple years. A marriage You can’t leave a marriage not that easily. And so you know, the religious life is one thing people often say, especially in Catholicism, they’re like, try the convent if you’re not sure, try it out. And because if it doesn’t work out, you know, you only take temporary vows when you’re first nun, you know, for like a year or two. And so you know, you can go in there, try it out, see how you like it. And if it’s not for you, if it’s not what you feel God has called for you, then you can leave and then you get married, you know, so religious life is a little less permanent, being single, you know, a lot of us, you know, we try that out, we go to college, we established careers, we have our own apartments, you know, we get a taste of single life, you know, but figure this out, spend some time thinking about it, and kind of try to get this big foundational thing figured out, don’t let it stress you out. You know, it doesn’t have to be a super complex question. You know, if you really love men and children, you’re probably meant to get married. If you’re a little ambiguous about it. Maybe consider, you know, religious life or being single. If you Aren’t Catholic and you’re really interested in being a nun, go ahead and look into it and look into Catholicism, see if that’s a religion that you could you can get along in, you know, because I know nuns that they converted just so they could be nuns, you know, so don’t necessarily think like, if you’re watching this, you’re like, Oh, I’m not Catholic, like, oh, being a nun sounds cool, but there’s no way like, no, that could still be an option for you. So again, these are, these are really foundational things that I think it’s important for you to think about, you know, getting this right is going to make picking a career so much easier. It’s going to be dating will be easier, because you’ll know, okay, if I’m going to get married, I gotta pick a man who I will admire and respect, and that I can start a family with and be happy with, you know, you do want to avoid that feminist cautionary tale of having the oppressive miserable marriage. Marriage itself is not a bad idea. That’s where I disagree with the feminist marriage is something that can be abused, like any beautiful good thing, it can be abused. And so you know, you just want to pick a partner that you can have a happy marriage with, and again, like I said, picking a partner is about self interest. So if you’re with a guy because you feel sorry for him, and you’re hoping you can build them up, and you want to be like that ride or die chick. Be careful with that. Again, I’ve made that same mistake, too. I’ve sunk a lot of time in men that weren’t worth it, and who, you know, they just didn’t have their life together. And I felt sorry for them. You know, I loved them. And I thought that, you know, you stuck it out with someone you love, and I wasted a lot of time doing that, you know, and so, you know, there is some self interest in it. You do have to think of yourself, you know, is this a man who can give me a comfortable life, you know, he doesn’t know certainly have to be a millionaire, but he better have an established career. You know? What if you have a high risk pregnancy and you have to quit your job, you know, what are you going to do? You need a man you can rely on so anyways Food for Thought I don’t want to get too rambly here. This is already a long video. So yeah, so anyways, I hope that’s helpful. And yeah, like, share, subscribe, leave a comment if you have a question about this. Again, this is the kind of thing that it’s a very complex topic. And you know, I can’t tell you what state of life you’re going to be good at, or it will be for you. But you know if you have questions or you want to know places to get more info like I can definitely point you in that direction. So anyways, all right. I hope this is helpful and a good one.