Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, I’m going to talk about a scoring system I’m using for online dating. Welcome to today’s video happy Thomistic Tuesday or whenever you’re watching this. So in today’s video, I’m going to talk about the scoring system I’m using as I’m online dating. I tend to be very, very much an empath, and I tend to kind of be too nice to men sometimes. And so I feel like this is helping me put a little hard data into a process that can often be very fuzzy and emotionally based. I don’t know about you, but like sometimes if you’re dating a guy Do you ever wonder like, do I like him? Or am I just with him because he likes me and then you get all existential and you’re like, do I even know what I want? What is life anyway, you know?

Scoring System for Men

So this system, I think has been helping at least me with that. So I am going to talk about that today. It is not my idea as much as I would love to claim credit for this. This was not my idea. This was a woman named Amy Webb who came up with it. And I don’t know if maybe she read it somewhere else, but sounds like she figured it out. And she made a TED talk called “How I hacked online dating”, and where she discusses it in detail. So I watched the video, I thought, Wow, what a great idea. I’m going to do that too. And so that’s what I did. So here’s the system I’m using and I designed it around online dating. That’s what I’m doing. And that was what Amy Webb was doing. But it can work for real like in real life as well. So here it is. So the first step of this seems almost kind of hunger games you know, like ooh, I hope the odds are in some guy’s favor.

First step : List everything you want in a man

So anyway, the first step, you’re going to take a notebook, I have just like a binder, whatever. And you’re going to write down everything you could want in a guy from the important stuff, has a job, isn’t on drugs, to the more shallow stuff like, Oh, he’s a good dresser or, he doesn’t have brown hair. How there’s like those weird quirky things that like they’re kind of stupid, but their preferences and you just like, yeah, so write that down, write everything you could want down, I wrote down. I seriously have like three pages, no two pages, but they’re like both sides. So you’re gonna write down everything you want. everything you could want in a guy the big important things as well as the stupid little things. This is not the time to Don’t be picky. Just write everything down.

Second step : Divide your list into important and nice to haves

So then the second part for number two, step number two, divide it. look at the list that you have, and take some time making the list. I think I took maybe about an evening and then the next day, so I took some time with it. But after you have your list, you’re going to divide it into the important and the nice to have. So kind of make I think Amy called it a secondary, was it a primary tier? I think it’s like primary, yeah, top tier and second tier. So you’re going to go through your list, and you’re going to write out a second list of everything that is a pretty serious, big important thing, and then on the other list, you’re going to put everything that’s maybe it’s lesser and this is going to be according to you there are certain important things that I think apply across the board. You know like I said earlier, you know, he should have a job. He shouldn’t be on drugs, doesn’t beat you, doesn’t have a yelling problem. an alcohol problem, those things are major important things but put things that are important to you, I’m Catholic, it’s really important to me that I get someone that takes this faith seriously. So I’m going to put stuff like, goes to mass at least once a week or whatever, because those are things that are important to me. So just fill everything out, take your whole list and just split it into two lists, the really important stuff, and then you know, kind of nice to have. So that is step two.

Third step : Assign a point value to each item

For step three, and this is the fun one, you’re gonna assign a point value to everything on your two lists, so the top tier, obviously, and this is why you’re supposed to like split them up because this kind of helps you go through the point value assignment easier. So in the top tier, you’re going to give everything a point value, I think, Amy, assigned important stuff, 100 points, and then you could see some things I think had like 50 points, or maybe she did like 10 I think I did more than hers. But whatever it seems like to you, I think the way I did mine, I did increments of like 100. So yeah, I think Amy Webb did like 10 or 50. on mine. I don’t know, this is just how I felt like it. I was like, Oh, this thing is worth 300 points to me. And this other thing is worth 100 points. And this other thing is that’s 250, you know, so my points were in the hundreds, the biggest, I would say probably the easiest thing to start is pick the thing on your top tier list, that is the most important to you and assign it whatever you think an appropriate point value is because the points are going to be relative. You’ll see later how we calculate it. So it doesn’t matter if your biggest thing is 50 points. And you’re going within under 50 points or maybe you’re like my biggest thing is 1000 points and you know whatever So pick the most important thing. Give it a point value. I think for me, the most important thing on my top tier was 300 points. And then from there, it was like, Well, you know, what are things that are less important than that? Oh, that one’s 100 points, this other one 200. So that’s how I did that.

Then on your secondary tier, do the same thing. You know, if it’s a nice to have, you know, I did like, Oh, this thing 50 points. I put on here, can dress well, like, I want a guy that can dress well. Okay. So I gave that 50 points. Another one I put, this is another funny one. I put good teeth. Like I don’t want some guy that has, like root canal neglected teeth. Like, if you have a root canal, that’s fine. You know, like, that means you’re taking care of your teeth. But I mean, if you’re like missing teeth, and I don’t know, I don’t know, whatever. But you know, that’s not as important. I gave that 30 points. So whatever. So that is, that is that step. So you give everything a point value.

Fourth step : Add up total value of all items

Then the next thing, and this is where we start calculating. The next thing is you add up the total of everything on this list, look at the point value you gave it, and then add up the whole thing completely. So if some dream guy potentially had every single thing on your list, we all know that’s not gonna happen. But let’s say, like, what is the complete total point value? For me? I think when I added up my total points, yeah, I ended up with 7470 points, because I had a lot of things. I think Amy Webb said she had 72 data points. In her video, I had 78. So whatever 78 things I wanted in a guy. And so yeah, adding up all the points, you’re going to get a total number and that number is going to be your hundred percent.

Fifth step : Calculate dating levels and create scorecard

So then the second part is where we’re going to start calculating the levels and this is where I’m going to show you My scorecard here, I’m going to fold this part down a little bit. Haha, I gotta have some privacy.

So as you can see here, this is my level. And again, this is being designed around online dating. You can kind of rejigger these levels a little bit if we’re going to do this like in real life. But so my scorecard, the way I’m doing this is, nobody’s going to get 100%. So if you’re wondering, you’re like, Oh, 100% is I marry them? Right? And he’s like, no, I went with 80%. Marriage is like the top tier thing like the top level on my scorecard. And I was like, okay, nobody’s gonna have 100%. So let’s say if he has 80% of what I’m looking for, then I’ll marry him. Okay. I know, right, like so. businesslike. But yeah, so 80% that’ll be marriage, and then we’ll kind of work backward from there. So I figured marriage will be 80% and then we’ll start at the bottom 25% if he has 25% of what I’m looking for, I’ll either email him or I’ll answer his email, if he emails, you know, if you’re on an online dating site, and you get a message, or you see a profile, and you’re thinking, should I write him, if he’s got 25% of what I’m looking for, I’ll start an email, I’ll start talking to him on email. 30% I’ll move to like a zoom call, phone call kind of thing. 40% I’ll let him come visit if he’s got 40% of what I look at. I mean, he’s halfway there to marriage, you know, marriage is 80%. So hey, and if he’s got 50% of what I’m looking for, then I’ll get into a serious relationship with them. And then obviously, 80% is marriage. So that’s kind of how I’m doing that.

So as you can see, I did the percentage calculations first and you can either stick with the breakdown, I did or you can make up your own, if it feels more comfortable, maybe for you, you’re like, I’m pretty friendly. I don’t mind emailing somebody, if they got 10% of what I want, maybe for you a visit is a pretty big deal. And you know, you’re like, I’m not going to visit, I’m not going to let someone visit me until they have like, 60% of what I’m looking for whatever. But I think this is a pretty good balanced percentage breakdown because you want to keep yourself open, open to the options, but at the same time, like don’t waste each other’s time.

So that’s how I did it with the percentage breakdown. And then once I had my percentage breakdown, then I did the math on the points. So again, my 100% was 7470. And then I just kind of did the math like what’s 80% of that? Oh, 80% is 5976 points, what’s, you know, 40% of that and ended and so then that’s how you build the kind of like your scorecard and then that’s it. As you’re talking to guys, you just score them. if you notice that, oh, you know, like, let’s say you get off of finishing a date with a guy, then pull out your list and be like, okay, you know, like, does he have you know, did I hear new things? Oh, yeah, he’s got this thing that I like and how many points? Is that worth it? Oh, 50 points, you got 50 points. And then maybe you hear something like, I have something? Well, it’s okay. So I want a guy that likes his job, you know, because like, I’m more traditional, I want to be like, kind of a stay at home traditional woman. And if you’re going to be relying on your husband, I’m not opposed to doing some kind of like home-based business kind of thing but you know, if you’re going to be financially relying on your husband, you want somebody who likes their job, I feel like that kind of makes things a little more stable. So I’ve got like 50 points for his job 50 points. So if I were to go on a date with a guy, or I see it in his profile or something that he says he likes his job. Great. I’m going to give them 50 points. Now let’s say I go on a date. either find out he was lying about that on his profile, and he actually hates his job, or he didn’t mention it on his profile, but you just happen to hear in conversation and from talking to him like, oh, wow, He hates his job, well, then you’re going to go negative 50 points, he’s going to lose 50 points. And so as you’re getting to know this guy or men, you’ll probably be talking to more than one, these men are going to rank up and down based on whether they do or don’t have the qualities you’re looking for. 

Now, some of the qualities on your list are going to be things you can’t figure out unless you’ve known a guy. That’s why I tried to set these levels low enough to where you can still kind of move forward with stuff. Because for example, like on my top tier, let’s look at some of the more important stuff top tier things doo doo doo doo doo, where’s my top tier? I don’t know where it went. Okay, so here’s one, loyal won’t cheat.

That’s a pretty important one. And so that’s not necessarily something you’re going to know, like, on the third date, so certain things are going to take time. But that’s basically how it works. And bonus when it one of the nice side effects of this I didn’t expect, but when I did it is as I was writing out everything I wanted in a guy, and then I was splitting it over to, you know, what was important and what was like, not as important. on the important stuff it did, like a picture emerged I kind of was like, Oh, yeah, like that some of these qualities kind of seemed like, you know, I think those would cluster in the same kind of personality. And then that kind of helps you realize, Oh, well, this is the kind of man I want. And then what is the kind of woman he would want? And you can kind of reverse engineer it a little bit and be like, Oh, well, if I want a guy that has these 10 important characteristics? Hmm, well, that gives me an idea of what kind of man he is, and then now I can figure Like what kind of woman would he want? And you know, and it’s kind of guessing like, you’ve never even met this person. So how can you read their mind to figure out what they want, whatever, but you can make a pretty good educated guess, about what they’re probably looking for. And then once you write that down, and that’s what I did end up doing, I’d said, What would my dream guy want? And then I listed out, you know, like, for example, I want a guy that’s good with money, maybe an entrepreneur, that’ll be cool. And so then, well, if you want a guy that’s good with money, therefore, he appreciates a financially familiar woman, at least with money, and she’s responsible for her money, you know? And so those kinds of things can help you figure out whether you’re the kind of woman that the guy you’re looking for wants, and then from there, you can kind of think like, Hmm, well, maybe I need to improve in this or this or that area.

So, that is my scoring system. I’m not married yet. So we’ll see how well it works. I tend to be like I mentioned earlier, I tend to be pretty emotional and forgiving. And so I feel like this is going to help me a little bit. Maybe you’re the kind of person who’s very rigid and kind of firm already and maybe this will be too much for you. Maybe I’m already like this too much. That’s overkill, but I don’t know for all you empaths out there and I feel like this is going to be like narcissist repellant a little bit, I think. So anyway, that is the system. I hope this was at least helpful or entertaining to hear about. If you have any questions, let me know. You know, like, share, subscribe, whatever. do all the things.