Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. Today is part two of two, about how to not have sex with a guy. Some of you may be coming from religious backgrounds where you were told to save sex for marriage, maybe you had a hookup that went wrong, and the guy never called back and you’re devastated. You don’t want that to happen again. Or maybe you recently converted to the religion. And now you’re like, Whoa, I used to sleep with guys. But now, I realize I need to conduct my relationships differently. How do I avoid falling into that again, this is the video where we talked about how I already did a video on the external factors. And when you’re actually with the guy, certain concrete situations when you’re with the guy to avoid so that you don’t get into that situation where you’re awkwardly having to say no to a guy. After you guys have been like, make it out for 10 minutes or something. My goal is to get you to where you’re not even put in that situation. But in this video, we’re going to talk about the internal factors, things in you that you need to prepare, so that you can be the kind of woman who has the strength to say no, the previous video was about when you’re with the guy this is the video about you and when you haven’t even gotten there. So stay tuned.

Happy Thomistic Tuesday, again, we’re going to talk about how to avoid having sex with a guy. These are very concrete tips. And again, I don’t want to be prudish about it. Sex is a good thing. It’s how children come into the world. It’s how you bond with your spouse. It’s a good thing. But like all good things, it can be abused. I had a teacher in high school and he likened sex to fire. He said fire when it’s put in a fireplace, or it’s used to cook food is very useful, and it can keep you alive. Fires are very useful. I’m not saying sex can keep you alive, but I don’t know, maybe it could, I don’t know. But he said like fire though, if you take it out of the fireplace. In other words, if you take it out of the confines of a committed marriage, it can destroy everything. So food for thought, this is some of the internal preparation, these are the factors in you that you want to keep yourself in shape, so to speak, to be able to resist sexual temptations when you’re out with a guy, because I am assuming that you’re dating guys that you like that you think are hot you don’t want to date men that you’re not attracted to. Because dating is for marriage and marriages, you know about having kids, and you don’t want to marry someone that you’re not physically attracted to.

So you are going to be in this situation if you’re dating right, one of the first internal preparation things to do. This is just the list of bad habits to avoid to make your life easier when it comes time to say no to sex.

First: Don’t read erotica

So the first one is don’t read erotica, that is just going to mentally prepare you to get even easier, and it kind of conditions you to be more sexually easy. I know erotica is very popular. It’s all around us. There’s a lot of romance novels that give these very graphic details of sex scenes. And what the woman in the story does with the guy and those are not good for us. We women, we’re not like men, we’re not visual. We like to hear it, we like to have it described and things like erotica, romance novels, that’s just going to condition you to be weaker to resist it, we are affected by the entertainment, the things we watch, the music we hear, we’re affected by that, we maybe don’t realize it, but we are. All of us know, you know, psychology tells us that if you saw your parents behave in certain ways in a relationship, you’re going to replicate that in your relationship because that’s what you saw growing up. And it’s the same with our entertainment. The books we read, the movies we watch, the entertainment we choose for ourselves, that will condition us to act out what we see. So if you’re going to read about these sexual stories and scenes, you’re at some point, you’re going to act it out at least a little bit. So you have to be careful about that.

Second: Don’t watch or read porn

The next one, this is kind of obvious, don’t watch or read porn. It used to be a male problem. I know a lot of women are kind of getting into it too. And don’t go down that route. I know sometimes women are very beautiful. Maybe they have a really beautiful lounge array. And you’re kind of like, Oh, I want to be like that it looks so glamorous, don’t go down that route. They’re gonna depict women in kind of not good situations, some of the softer porn is not as bad as some of the harder stuff. But still, don’t watch or read porn. it’s not going to help you in the long run.

Third: Don’t date men who don’t respect your boundaries

Three, don’t date men who don’t respect your boundaries if you have to constantly be telling a guy No, and telling him to back off. It’s one thing if he’s a decent, honorable guy that just had a weak moment. That’s one thing. And most guys, no matter how good and decent they are, during the dating process, I’m sure if you ask married women, you know, did your husband ever have a weak moment when you guys were dating? Did you guys ever slip up? Was there ever a risk of maybe you guys were, you know, everybody will say yes, even the best guys have weak moments where they maybe, like, asked you to do something that you shouldn’t. But if this guy continually pushes on your boundaries and pressures you or he’s constantly tricking you into a situation like suddenly you realize, like, oh, somehow we’re alone in his house. And where did everybody go, and you’re like, there’s something weird about this, you know, I thought this was a house party? And now suddenly, I’m invited to come and nobody else is here. If he’s a guy that is constantly putting you in these, like compromising situations, or he’s kind of tempting you and pushing on your boundaries, don’t date guys like that, you’re just making your life harder. And it doesn’t have to be that way. If a man loves you, he’s gonna respect your boundaries, he’s gonna know that you’re worth more than a good time. It’s something you’ll know, in your gut, when you’re dating guys, listen to your gut, you’re gonna know whether he’s a good guy that just had a weak moment. Or if this is a pattern that you should be worried about. So again, don’t date guys that don’t respect your boundaries in the area of sex.

Fourth: Don’t use sex toy

Number four, It’s kind of sad, we have to talk about this. But in 2020, like it is something that comes up, don’t use sex toys, don’t masturbate. This is going to weaken your resistance to sex, you are not sexually repressed, you don’t need to make yourself more sexual. Sometimes people say, I know, if you read a lot of the women’s magazines, like Cosmopolitan, or whatever, now, they’re kind of pushing sex toys. And they’re saying, like, oh, is a healthy young woman, like you should be masturbating and blah, blah? No, you shouldn’t. Because what it does is, it’s going to make you weaker, to say no to these men, when they try to sleep with you. And again, for the health of your relationship, you have to pace things. And that means you have to pace sex, and you have to not have sex with guys when they are not married to you, they haven’t committed to you, it’s going to make the relationship go better. And when people tell you to like, oh, you’re sexually repressed, like, you need to do that to loosen up. No, you don’t need to do that. It’s just going to condition you to make you weaker. And when we are sexually weak, that makes all our other feelings harder to control as well. That’s why, have you ever met women, this is gonna sound terrible. But if you’ve ever talked to prostitutes, they are very emotional women, you know, and it’s the same with men, men who are like pickup artists, and they sleep with a lot of women, they get angry easily. And it’s because when you’re sexually loose, and you don’t control yourself in that area, it’s going to mess up all your feelings. So again, you’re not repressed, you if you’re not attracted to a guy, I don’t think there’s something wrong with you, there could be other factors, is he not somebody that you wanted to date? Does your whole family like them? And maybe you don’t do not feel safe with him? Is he a wimp? They’re good, legitimate reasons why you might not be sexually attracted to a guy and it doesn’t mean that you’re depressed and you need to start masturbating or whatever you’re fine with. Nobody needs to be doing that.

Fifth: Don’t be so curious about sex

Number five, don’t be so curious about sex. I know if you’re younger, it can seem like this glamorous, mysterious, exciting world, but it’s not. It’s a natural part of life.  it’s how we procreate. It’s how we bring new children into the world. It’s how you bond with your spouse, you know, there are other ways to bond with your spouse, but it’s an important one. And it’s a normal part of life and there are so many other things in life other than sex. And I think our culture tends to give it too much importance. It is not as big of a deal in life as people nowadays make it out to be. So try not to be curious about it. when I was growing up, I had a cousin and she was very curious about sex. She was always like, Gloria look at what I found out and like, oh, guess what, this is how kissing happens. And this is how this happens. And this is that position. And she was very curious about sex. And that started her down a bad path. And you know where she is now, she is unmarried with four children by two different fathers, and she lives on welfare. And I don’t think she’s ever going to get married, because she’s in love with a guy that’s married, he’s been in and out of jail. It’s a very sad story. So let that be a cautionary tale. She started a good decent girl, but she was very curious about sex. And she’s very curious about boys and getting physical with them. And so that’s a slippery slope, you don’t want to start down. And again, there is a natural desire to have children, there’s a natural desire to kind of like team up with a guy and get married, put your energy toward finding a good guy and getting married, then you can discover sex in a safe, normal way, take that curiosity and channel it toward finding a spouse, that is the healthy way that’s going to help you. If you just get curious about sex, and you kind of just head down that route, it can end very sadly, so be careful.

Sixth: Don’t hang around friends that are very curious about sex

The next one, this is kind of a bit of a spin-off of the previous one, but don’t hang around friends that are like that, that are very curious about sex. Maybe they fool around with guys and experiment farther with men physically than you do these kinds of girls, these friends, you know, whether they’re male or female, these are the kind of people that can make your life difficult, because girls like this, attract men that are kind of troublemakers, and they want to experiment with girls too. And so these kinds of friends are going to bring those kinds of men around in your social circles. And that’s going to create trouble for you. And then also, when you have girls like this, that are curious, it can often arouse your curiosity too. And it’s hard to do the right thing when the friends around you are not doing the right thing. So you want to look at your friend group, and maybe reevaluate some of your friendships. If you have friends that are kind of heading down, not good path, they’re getting a little too curious about sex, they’re getting a little too experimental with the guys, you might want to reevaluate that friendship, think about the effects it’s going to have on you. Because if you’re trying not to do that, it’s going to be harder for you to say no when you don’t have that social support. So food for thought.

Seventh: Try to keep yourself busy

And then the last one, try to keep yourself busy. And this is an interesting one, but watch the food you eat, if you have a problem with sexual temptation. And you know, a lot of us do, we live in a very sex-saturated culture, I would say the average kid by the time you’re 15. Man, you probably have more sexual knowledge than people 100 years ago, probably got in their whole lifetime. I mean, there are just so many intimate details about sex, and just the whole activity and everything. And society like our marketing and our music videos, and the way women portray themselves. A lot of women think it’s good to call themselves a slut, and sex is just so just out in the open, in society now, that it is hard for everybody to keep our mind off it. So there’s no shame in admitting if you’re like, I kind of have a problem with that maybe some of these things. Maybe you have a problem with erotica, or maybe you masturbate, maybe, you know, like, you don’t have to say, so you don’t have to leave a comment or anything. But in today’s world, even women are struggling with a lot of sexual temptation, because it’s all around us. And it’s become so normalized to be obsessed with sex, the media, and entertainment. People are just absolutely obsessed with sex. I mean, it’s to the point where it’s kind of disturbing.

So back in the day, there used to be a condition in psychology that recognized a disorder called nymphomania. And what that is, is it’s an excessive sexual desire in women, and it’s when women are compulsively sexual, you just you can’t say no to guys, that is becoming a problem nowadays, women, I think, and I think sometimes us women can feel a little ashamed because we all know men are kind of like can control ourselves. But you know, sometimes it’s hard for us to control ourselves. That happens. It doesn’t make you a bad person, or a bad woman. Sometimes it happens maybe biologically, you just have a stronger sex drive. Or maybe you’re under A lot of stress, us women, we work very demanding jobs, we have very difficult lives. And sometimes, you crave that companionship, maybe you’re lonely. And so, you know, sometimes we can struggle with sexual temptation too. And so the ways to deal with that, historically, religions have often talked about fasting, Catholicism, we’ll talk about fasting, and it makes sense, if you want to get your body under control, you have to kind of deprive it of something that it wants, it’s kind of like training.

If you want to be able to lift weights, you know, you have to like, practice lifting weights. And if you want to be able to say no, at that moment, when you have the opportunity to like, go farther than you should, you have to practice saying no to your body. And one of the easiest ways to do that is to do some fasting. Now, when I say fasting, I don’t mean you just stop eating cold turkey for like three or four days, a good way to fast. And a really easy, low-pressure way to do it, is to just don’t eat between meals, maybe set a rule for yourself, if you’re having trouble in this area, set a rule for yourself, like, Hey, I’m going to eat three square meals a day, I’m not going to snack in the morning, or maybe just have a coffee and grab a doughnut, I’m going to have three proper meals each day. And then I’m not going to eat in between those meals, and not eating in between meals. I think sometimes that’s referred to as intermittent fasting. But if you skip food between meals, it is a form of fasting, you’re depriving your body of that little snack it craves,  maybe you want to have a little chocolate at like 3 pm or something, just don’t eat between meals. And that can help your body. if you do that long enough, you start disciplining your body, and you can kind of gain control over yourself. And then again, keep yourself busy, get some hobbies that you enjoy, they say idle hands are the devil’s workshop. And when you are idle, and you have nothing to do, you know, bad thoughts can kind of come in place. And it can be harder to say no to things when you’re bored, you know, let’s be real, sometimes you’re just bored. So again, keep yourself busy, try to stay out of super stressful situations, if you have a very, very stressful job, sometimes that can make your sexuality get a little out of control.

I know it sounds weird, and nobody ever talks about that. But it can do that. So that’s also something to keep in mind, maybe you need to take a job closer to family, maybe you hate your job. And maybe you need to look into getting a different one that you like, if you hate your job, there are so many good reasons to quit and find another one. But this whole sexuality thing, this can be another reason why it makes sense to get a better job. So that’s important.

Eighth: Watch your mind when you are dating a guy

And then number eight, the next and final internal factor that is very important that nobody talks about, is you have to watch your mind when you are dating a guy and it can be easy to daydream about him. And sometimes those daydreams can take a more erotic turn. And so you really have to watch your mind and not consent and agree to and really relish those daydreams when they start taking that more erotic turn. So you need to be careful of what you’re thinking, you need to not relish and agree to these things. Because we all know, sometimes when you’re daydreaming, or you’re kind of thinking about a guy you like, they can take a turn. And there’s a point where you’re like, Oh, well, that’s a little farther than I intended that to go. But it kind of feels good. And you have a choice. You’re like, Am I going to agree to this and keep thinking about it and relishing it, or am I going to kind of turn it away? When you get to that point, you want to turn it away? Because if you’re agreeing in your mind, it’s going to be very soon that you agree in your body and in actuality, oftentimes, when you talk to someone and you’re like, so why did you end up sleeping with that person? I thought you were so strong? Well, it started in the mind first I started thinking about it and enjoying thinking about it. And then the next thing I knew I was physically doing it. That’s, that’s something to be careful of, you gotta watch your mind.

A good trick to kind of train yourself not to do that if you find you have a habit with it. And again, that’s why I say don’t read erotica, don’t watch porn, because that’s going to put these images and the scenes and it’s going to create like fuel for these daydreams and fuel for these ideas that you’re going to have to later say no to. That’s why these things all fit together.

So this is what I call the rubber band trick. And it’s going to train yourself to not be thinking some of these thoughts. This is also a really effective breakups strategy. You know, if you find yourself thinking about a guy you broke up with, and you want to get over him, sometimes this can help. But the breakup strategy, I don’t know if it always works. But for bad, impure, like sexual thoughts, it’s effective. So what you do is you take a rubber band, now this is a hair tie, a hair tie is not quite as effective, a rubber band kind of hurts more, but a hair tie, if you really pull it out there, you can, but I didn’t have a rubber band. So I’m just going to use a hair tie, what you’re going to do is, you wear it on your hand, and if you’re going about your day, and you find yourself daydreaming, and you start thinking of stuff you shouldn’t be doing, what you do is you pull it, and you snap it! (Aw! Dude that hurt) and you snap it, see how I’m like doing that. And it’s something that you can do subtle, it doesn’t have to be a big show, maybe you’re at work, you’re in a meeting, and you can just kind of like quickly, snap it on you. And just like, you know, something really quick to do throughout the day. And what that does is it’s kind of like have you ever heard studies of like Pavlov’s dogs, you know, like, they’ve done studies where like, if you like zap a rat or something, it like won’t do something, that’s kind of what you’re doing, you’re giving yourself a little snap to associate pain with those thoughts. And the pain will kind of jolt you out of your little idea. And then it can be easier to say no to it and it takes time. You know, you probably got to spend a couple of weeks snapping yourself to snap yourself out of it. But it can be an effective little trick to get your mind out of the gutter.

So yeah, so that is that. And I hope that was helpful. Here’s a bunch of more ideas on how to avoid having sex with a guy. Again, a lot of people especially like the more religious side of things, the more religious side of YouTube, if there is such a side YouTube, they will often tell you like, Oh, you should wait until marriage and you should save yourself for marriage. But they don’t really tell you how to do that and they don’t tell you how to become the kind of person that is someone who can save themselves for marriage, and so that’s what this video has been. I’ve tried to give you a lot of ideas that today were kind of the internal factors, you know, this is how to train yourself to be the kind of person who you know can say no, and who can wait for marriage. And obviously, prayer, God will always help you in this area. If you ask, he’ll help anyone you don’t have to be religious.

So anyway, I hope that the video was helpful. I’m sorry if it sounded prudish. I don’t know how to do a video like this. It doesn’t sound prudish, so, whatever. But anyway, I hope that was entertaining or helpful, whatever. If you have a question, feel free to leave it in the comments. And yeah, like, share, subscribe, if you like this, and you found it was useful, please subscribe to the channel and hit the notification bell so that YouTube will tell you and there’s a new video. This is part of a series Well, it’s not a series on male psychology. The first one kind of was but we’re gonna have more videos like this. So yeah, subscribe and I hope that helped. Have a good one.