Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood, this is the truth series about attracting a man. And this is the part where we talk about the unpleasant realities of life for women that affect our dating lives that we should know about. I feel like our media kind of shelters women from this because it’s just more convenient to not have them No because then we’ll work really hard on our career. But this is not this does not serve us. So I’m going to be talking about a few things that I wish I had known in my 20s. I wish the older women in my family had told me when I was younger, but so we’re going to talk about this. So the first reality of life for women, men have their crosses in their difficulties. But we women are unique in that we have a limited window for fertility and a limited window to have children. And I know you’d be like, Well, what does that matter? I don’t know if I want to have children. It’s like, okay, that’s fair. However, we women also have a certain window where we are the most attractive. Now, don’t get me wrong, women are beautiful. you can get a man at any age, I had an aunt, she was married young and 18, widowed very young. And then she was a widow for a few decades. She met a guy when she was pushing 60. I think she was in her late 50s. And he was just smitten with her and they got married. And it was great. It was a nice little love story, So I’m not saying that you can’t find a man when you’re not in your 20s.

But I do want to be very honest with you. Because most people are not telling girls this, but you are going to have the easiest time. And it is the best time to find someone when you’re in your 20s. Now, obviously, when you’re in your early 20s, let’s say up until about age 25 Yes, at that time, develop yourself, travel, see the world, go to Italy, go to Paris, get some culture soak in the food and the art and the museums, and develop a more cultured side of yourself, get your education, whatever degree you think is good for you, figure out what kind of trade you want to have, I do think that women should have some sort of trade or job skill, it’s just prudent you could meet, Mr. Right. And he could get hit by a truck, like two years after you have your first kid like you don’t know.

So it’s important to have some sort of job skill. So, pursue whatever education you think is appropriate for you, do not fall prey to the societal pressure to get a degree and be like a career hotshot. If you don’t feel that’s right for you. And it is very difficult to achieve high status in your career, and also have a fulfilling relationship and family life, it’s very difficult to balance the two. And that is when I say very difficult. I mean, it’s nearly impossible. I mean, I feel like we give a lot of lip service nowadays, to how difficult it is to balance those two things. And we often tell young women to spend the best years of their life, their prime dating years, pursuing a career shut up in a cubicle somewhere working late every night to get promoted. And I don’t think that’s always a good strategy. So, again, in your early 20s, yeah get your degree, get some traveling under your belt, live life, have fun, have adventures. I don’t advocate a whole phase. I don’t think that’s good for anybody. I think that’s just gonna give you a lot of trauma and baggage that you’ll have to unpack and deal with later. So I don’t really advocate that. But, that’s not what I say. That’s not what I mean when I say like, have fun. But yeah, you do want to develop your mind, get educated, get some travels, if you don’t develop your mind.

And this is why I disagree, sometimes hyper-conservative religious circles will be like, why should a girl get an education if she’s just gonna get married? And it’s like, here’s why. Now, you want to be mindful of the debt situation, know your goals. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. So I deliberately avoided getting a college education. I just went into tech because I was into computers. I did go to college, but I didn’t take on a ton of debt. So, you want to be mindful of what you want in the future and how will these educational goals affect other future goals? So you want to be mindful of that, but if women do not get some sort of education, I do feel that we women have a tendency to become petty, and kind of I don’t want to say silly, but we get caught up on stupid stuff, then we start watching, like, Hollywood gossip. And we care about, the latest scandals, and we become a kind of shallow, and we kind of, we get concerned about stupid stuff. And so as a woman, I do think it’s important to develop your mind in whatever way you think is appropriate, study something that you think is good and intellectually interesting. This is why back in the day, women would often be referred to as being accomplished, even back then, in the 1800s, when women didn’t have jobs and careers and stuff, it was still understood and practiced, that women would get some sort of education, they would be educated at home, with private tutors, they didn’t go out to, public universities.

But, the women, at least the ones that had the money in their leisure time, were working-class girls who had to just go work to help support the family. So it was different, but the upper-class girls who had the leisure, society knew that these women needed to have some sort of education, otherwise, they’d become petty and narrow. And this is why women were historically taught or in language, they were taught to speak a foreign language, they were taught some sort of artistic skills, like painting or drawing, they were taught dancing, and it was very complex dancing, not like what we have nowadays, they were taught, manners and stuff, but they were also taught sewing embroidery, and those who are sewing, especially with something that could be used as a trade if that woman happened to fall on hard times, because Contrary to popular belief, women have been working jobs throughout much of history, so women, often they Yes, they had a lot more narrow career options than men did. But, women did, they would often learn sewing or laundry, or some, some trade. And that was done, because they knew that women needed to have some sort of education. So that’s important. And so basically, just remember that it’s not fun to talk about it. But I don’t want to scare you, God is good, and life is full of opportunity. So don’t let this, drag you down and stress you out. But it is important too, again, if you’re 25 or older, you need to be thinking seriously about, settling down, assuming you want to get married, if you don’t want to get married, obviously, like ignore this advice. But, assuming you want to like men, you like children, you want to be married, and most of us want to, most of us are cut out to be married. That is what the vast majority of people are meant for is yes, some people have specific callings, but that’s a minority, the majority of people are called to marriage. And so if you’re about 25 or older, you need to be making some sort of general plan. What kind of guy do you want to meet? Where will you meet men?

You should not think about dating. Have you worked through your baggage, any emotional trauma, maybe that you went through, it could be, a bad childhood, maybe you had a bad relationship? Heaven forbid, maybe you were raped or something, , there are lots of things to work through. So you want to make sure that any baggage that you have, you’re dealing with it, we all have it, and human beings are fragile. We all go through terrible things. And so it’s important to work through any baggage you have. So that’s something to know about. Are you in a lot of debt? , you need to get a handle on that. Start working on paying that off. Do what you want out of life? What kind of marriage do you want to have? Do you want children? If you don’t want children, sit down and ask yourself, why do you not want children? And if you do want children, that’s great. Think about it, do you know how to cook? Do you know how to clean? Do basic Child Development start kind of thinking about those things and teaching yourself those skills? Do you understand men? Do you understand how to communicate with them? Did you have brothers? Have you ever lived with a man before, obviously, I don’t advocate cohabiting, but if you had brothers, you will have a clear view of how men are? And it’ll be a little easier to relate to them think about those kinds of things and put together a general plan of finding someone and settling down because our society is so anti-marriage and anti-motherhood and anti-parenthood that I feel like unless you have some sort of a strategy, you could very easily find yourself in your late 30s single and wondering like, I don’t know what happened.

And I feel like this is a problem, especially in religious circles because we are seeing an epidemic of single people in the church. And a lot of people are at a loss of what to do about it because it’s like, you used to just marry people you met off the street, like, Oh, I met my husband in the grocery store. , like, have you ever talked to your grandma’s and heard that you No, or Oh, well, I met my husband at work, or I met my husband at college. And it’s like, how many of you are like, went to college, didn’t meet a husband, go to the grocery store every week, and are still single. So it was a different time back then. And so I feel like you need to have a general plan for this. Now, again, don’t stress yourself out, don’t make the plan too detailed, it has to be flexible because another person is going to be involved in this. So you can’t control every detail. But you need to give it some thought, like, hmm, am I dating right now? No, why not? Maybe you should start. If you want to be married, do you have a lot of debt, work on that baggage, work on that, put yourself in a position to be found by Mr. Wright, and to be appealing to him. Because as women, we like to focus on what we want. But, you need to understand what men want out of a relationship, the rest of this video series is really good for that. And we talked about beauty, and then I’m going to be doing a section on goodness. So we’re going to be talking about what men want. And that’s important because Mr. Wright has to like you too, he has to feel like he’s getting a good deal, too. So those are things to know about. And think about and start being strategic and take your relationship seriously, it’s not shameful or weak, to aspire to be married or aspire to be a mother or to aspire to be a stay-at-home mom of all things.

So those are not things to be ashamed of, you should put some thought into it. People encourage women to put thought into their careers or their education, but nobody ever encourages us to put thought into our future family, and how is that going to go. And that is every bit as important. And it’s actually more important the end of our life, talk to people on their deathbed, they’ll say the thing they got the most fulfillment out of, and the most happiness and joy in life was that usually their family, people don’t ever say, Oh, my career, I’m so glad I put in those all-nighters at the office, like nobody ever says that. I mean, unless you’re a social worker, and you, , change some child’s life for the better, but again, they’re that theme comes up again, service to others, in that intimate familial, context, yeah, at work, you’re helping others, but it’s not the same, it’s not the same. So it is not shameful to put some planning and thought into that aspect of your life. And you really ought to nowadays, our society is so confused. And the general norms and conventional practices and things that we do as a society, are very counterproductive to get married.

So I do think that the time has come, where just Oh, serendipity, like, I don’t think serendipity is, is going as far as it used to, let’s just put it that way. Again, as I said, God is good, and life is full of opportunities. So don’t let that stress you out. But at the same time, don’t be too lost a fair bit about it, and another thing in your 20s that is, when the pickings are the best, slim pickings, that can happen when you’re in your 30s. And when you’re in your 20s the best men are single, and you’re at your prettiest and most youthful and so it’s going to be easier to attract men, and they’re going to be more likely to give you what you want, just because you’re so young and pretty. So, that’s, that’s the best time to be dating and looking for someone, it gets harder, not impossible. But it gets harder the older you get, once you get in, like your 30s. And so you don’t want to set yourself up for success. And, your fertility is at its best in your 30s it’s the easiest to get pregnant, it’s the easiest, your body is the healthiest it’s going to be, unless you keep it up and take care of yourself, your body is healthier in your 20s, and you can sustain a pregnancy, you can do childbirth and delivery easier in your 20s you want to give yourself the easiest and best possible chance for success.

So take this stuff seriously. And then another one another concept and this is something I wish people had told me when I was in my 20s. And it is the concept. It’s known around the social media circles, especially like red pill circles, they call it hypergamy. And I think this is a concept that can be taken a little too far. Basically, in a nutshell, hypergamy is the idea that men will date and marry either across or up in the social system, in the social status, we women tend to date and marry up, we don’t date down. And that is there’s a lot of truth to that. But I think sometimes men take it a little, they take it to an extreme and they go oh well.  Women only want men who are wealthy and have lots of money. And soon as a woman if you found a woman and you guys are happy? Well, because of hypergamy as soon as you find somebody better, she’s going to leave you and get with him. And that’s not true there are plenty of marriages that are maybe not on the surface. hypergamy is, as far as money goes, but there is truth in the fact that we women will only marry and be happy, happily in a relationship with a man that we admire in some way. And so, if you have been shamed for being too picky because you didn’t want to date somebody you thought was a loser, don’t be ashamed of that, because that is a good instinct that we women have, we want a guy, how they say, like, men put women on a pedestal, we want to put him on a pedestal too.

So we need a man that we can respect and admire, for a woman in our relationship, we’re happy, if we’re cherished men, it’s different. They’re happy if they’re respected and admired. It’s been said in the book, fascinating womanhood, the center of a woman’s happiness in marriage is to be loved, the center of a man’s happiness is to be admired. And there’s a lot of truth to that. And so us women, that instinct you have of not wanting to date met losers, , and you want to date a guy who you think is impressive in some way. , that’s a good instinct, because that’s the raw materials of a happy relationship. If you go for somebody that you admire and respect, naturally he’s going to fit, he’s going to get what he needs in the relationship, he’s going to get that. And then he’s going to naturally give you what you want, that love and that being cherished that consideration and that romantic stuff, he’s going to give you what you want because you’re giving him what he wants, the admiration and respect. And so, to tell women that, they’re being too picky or, I know he doesn’t, he’s on Yeah, he’s got a drinking problem, and he doesn’t go to work consistently. But, he just needs a good woman to inspire him to grow up, no, that’s bad. That is going to lead you down a path of having an unfulfilling relationship. Don’t believe that and I think especially in religious circles, women get told that a lot because everybody expects us to be this bleeding heart. And, like, you’re not a hospital for damaged men, that’s not what a relationship is supposed to be. You’re supposed to get with someone who has his life together so that you guys and you should have your life together too. , you don’t want to be some broke-busted person and then you think this wonderful Prince so it goes both ways.