Because you have to let men think that stuff through and it’s true, he could be questioning the relationship, he could be thinking, do I want to date this girl, but that’s his decision, you have to let guys do what they want to do. Your safety is important. I don’t mean it in that way. But I mean, it’s a guy’s choice whether he wants to date you or not. So if he’s pulling away, you got to let him pull away and see if he comes back. it’s his choice, you can’t make somebody be in a relationship with you. And I think as women, sometimes we try to control that process, we try to stop men from pulling away, we may call them or we may text them. Or we may ask about it, we’re all why are you calling, and we want to reinstate that closeness. And we don’t want to feel that uncertainty, the idea that he may not want to be in a relationship is scary. Now, obviously, the longer a guy, the less this like pulling away is going to happen, it’ll get to a point where you guys will become more sure of each other. And then, this is not really going to, this is not really going to happen, but especially in the beginning. Yeah, guys are going to go through points where they’re like, do I like this girl? How do I feel about her? I don’t know, maybe, and those sneaky little devils, they will also do this to test you and find out if you’re going to reach out. They want to get a read on you. If they’re figuring like, Oh, she’s really pretty, and she has a lot of guys that could go for her. And, gosh, why would she date me? Like, I don’t know, if she likes me, you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to ignore her and see what she does.

Guys will do that. Sometimes they will deliberately not call or text just to see if you call or text and then they’ll feel reassured, they’re not going to come out and be like, Oh, honey, I need reassurance, I’m not sure where we stand, guys are not going to sit there and be like, Where is this going? they’re not going to say that what they are going to do is they’re going to not call you. And then when you call them or you initiate the conversation go, Well, why didn’t you call me then they go, Oh, she likes me, she got stressed out that I didn’t call her back. She likes me. So that’s, that’s something that guys can do. So be aware that, um, and again, this is, this is kind of what people meant, back in the day, when they were like, Oh, you should play hard to get, blah, blah, blah, it’s like, you shouldn’t play anything, you should be hard to get. And what I mean by that is being hard to get means you leave this uncertainty there, you don’t chase guys and call them up or text them when you notice they’re pulling away, you sit back and observe, it’s important to observe men, and here’s why. If he is pulling away, or he is cooling down a little bit, just let him do it. And then you observe how he treats you. If this becomes a pattern, then, you need to ask yourself, do I want to be with this guy, like, he’s not acting that into me, don’t approach this from the point of view of, I like this guy. And this must work, I must make this work. Don’t approach it. That way, you can often get stuck on a bad guy that way. What you want to do instead is you want to sit back, you want to approach it from the point of view of like, I don’t know where this is gonna go. I don’t know the sky. Because you don’t, in the early stages of dating, you don’t know this guy, you don’t know, he could be an axe murderer or he could be secretly married like, you don’t know. So it does pay to step back. Let these guys have their moments of uncertainty. Let them not call back when they said they would or whatever. And just observe just quietly observe.

Don’t necessarily, bring up everything that’s stressing you out and blah, blah, blah and just constantly be laying it out in the open. sometimes women are like, oh, but I don’t want to play games. Well, it’s not playing games. It’s being smart. You have to know like, how is this guy going to treat you. you can’t step in and make everything easy for him. And you call in tech? Oh, well, he asked me out three times, let me ask him out the fourth time. No, don’t do that you got to sit back, and just let guys do what they’re gonna do and then observe and be like, do I like how he’s treating me? Is this something I can live with? And sometimes it’s not, and then you’re like, well, I guess I gotta let this guy go, there are times where, yeah, if he doesn’t call back, and it’s been a few days, you gotta let it go. And just accept, like, maybe this guy isn’t meant to be, and you just let it go, maybe he’ll show up in your life again, later, maybe he met an ex, and he got back with her. And that’s why he never asked you out again, or maybe he got fired from his job. And now he’s like, not sure he can provide for a woman and, so there’s millions of reasons why men can be really like hot, and they go hot and cold, they get really into you, and then all of a sudden, they just didn’t work out, they just don’t call back or whatever, there’s a lot of reasons for that. And you have to just kind of trust the timing, trust God, and you have to just trust that there’s someone out there for you. And if this guy is, if he’s like little pulling away, starts becoming like, it starts going on really long, and it becomes a pattern. Or it goes on long enough to where you’re like, I don’t think this is momentary uncertainty or hesitation that he’s thinking through by himself, I think he’s just not interested, you gotta let that go.

That’s an important part of the dating process, you have to be you can’t be attached to the outcome, you gotta let these guys do what they’re going to do. And what that does, is on the outside to a guy that looks like confidence, he’s going to look at that and go, Oh, she’s not upset. She’s not like, calling me a bunch and blowing up my phone. And she’s not wanting to talk about the state of the relationship, or, sometimes because men are used to women, wanting to be around them, wanting to date them, wanting to have closeness guys are used to that. And so when they don’t get it, they start thinking, Oh, is she talking to other guys? Like, is that why she’s not bothered, that I didn’t call back is, is there somebody else calling her back? Like what the heck, you know? And then can actually guys psych themselves out that way? you may sit there thinking like, Oh, well, he didn’t text me. And he’s probably so busy and popular. And I’m just sitting here waiting by phone. And he doesn’t know that the whole time you haven’t heard from him, is also time that he hasn’t heard from you. And so if he likes you, he’s going to be wondering what you’re up to, so it goes both ways. It may not feel like it goes both ways, but it does.

And so this is what I mean. Basically, just let him lead the tone of the relationship while you sit back and watch and evaluate, and you see is this guy, does he do what he says he does? Is he love bombing you? Is he being like, super into it, and romantic and emotional, because sometimes guys are like that, depending on his personality, some of the more impulsive and extroverted kind of guys, they will often like, feel really into you. And then even, they don’t understand why they’ll just like, shut off. And they’re like, I feel like I don’t want to talk to her today. And like, it’s weird, even to them. Because they’re like, man, I was, I was enjoying dating or this weekend, and everything was great. And I don’t know, she’s just not hot anymore. Like, I don’t know what happened. guys don’t understand it, either. and that’s why if you ask them, where’s this going? or Why did you do that? Like, oftentimes, they won’t know themselves, and that’s why, a lot of promising relationships fail to get off the ground because they will start out very good. And then the guy will kind of pull away. And sometimes he may or may not know why he’s pulling away, and then the girl kind of freaks out and she like, kind of tries to like, get him back, pull him back in somehow and how it is, there are lots of things as women do, we may call we may text, we may try to give little gifts, we may try to wear something revealing or I’ll get it I’ll get his attention back that way. we can start turning into the pursuer, the rules of the relationship can flip that way. And then that can kind of turn guys off. So, again, during the relationship, there’s going to be ups and downs, there was a book, I think it’s written by Patricia Allen, it’s called Getting to I do. And she said, a relationship has like a moment of crisis, so to speak, it reaches a new level, it has like a breakthrough and reaches a new level, roughly every three months or so, up to, 12 months to where she was saying, she had a pretty quick timeline, she said that in 12, if somebody if you and someone are right for each other, you’ll get married at the end of 12 months. Now, that is a very broad generalization. And I don’t really agree with it. But that was what she said. And she was saying, within those 12 months, though, each, there are four phases, and each one is going to take roughly three months.

Now, that may or may not be true, I don’t, I don’t know. But if you notice him pulling away every three months, or there’s some sort of, kind of tension or misunderstanding where you’re like, you’re not sure, sometimes that can happen every three months or so. But, again, it’s hard to put strict timelines and strict expectations, because people are different, every relationship is different. Even every relationship you have is different, you are the same person. However, unique chemistry, and I don’t even mean like physical chemistry, just like psychological chemistry that you’re going to have with someone, means that every relationship is going to have something kind of special and magical about it. And it’s important to remember that, especially if you go through a breakup, because of the dating process, you’re not going to marry every person you date. So you’re going to be dating, and there will be times where it doesn’t work out, and you’re very disappointed. And you’ll go Oh, there was just something about them. We had such good chemistry, we had such a good dynamic like, oh, that’ll never happen again. Well, to a certain extent, yes. You’re right, everybody has because you’re two unique people, the chemistry and the magic you guys have together. Yeah, that is unique, you’re not going to have that exact experience with someone else. Because Yeah, you’re both individuals, and it’s the same with him, the next woman he dates, it’s not going to be quite like you, it will always be that way. Because people are different, So in a certain sense, it’s true. However, on the other hand, don’t beat yourself up about it. And don’t feel too much regret and nostalgia for it. Because part of that magic, that unique dynamic is just a function of you being unique people and you will meet another guy and you will have unique magic with him too. so don’t feel like it’s, it’s all over for you. And you’ll never meet someone like him. You will.

You will. So anyways, what else we got on here? I got notes here. Doo doo doo doo doo. Here’s another one who has a healthy skepticism for what men ask for in dating. This can be something as major as sex. And this can be something as minor as Why didn’t you call me or? Well, I don’t like to call girls first. I don’t do that. sometimes what men ask for. And what they say they want is often very different from what they actually want. and this is, this is kind of what I talked about like the tension and the let guys be uncertain. Don’t chase guys. a lot of guys will not tell you that. They’ll go Oh, no, no, I would like you to if you called me during that time. Oh, no, I don’t mind if you ask if I’m upset. Oh, no, no, no. A lot of guys. They will encourage women. Yeah, yeah. Call me or Oh, I love it when a girl asks me out. Well, yeah, but do you ever marry those girls?

Usually? No. I’m not saying you can’t reach out to a guy first. You can. It depends on the context, But in general, what men say they want and what they actually want. they’ll often go Oh, I like I like girls with the natural look. Yeah, yeah. I’m like girls that wear a lot of makeup. And then like who do they end up dating and being all crazy about and just like falling all over themselves to impress. It’s often like really fixed up. Girls, or, you’ll live with a guy for years and years and years. And all marriage is just a piece of paper. I don’t want to get married. And so you give him what he wants you to move in, you don’t marry him, okay? And then he breaks up with you. And six months later, he’s marrying the next girl. And you’re like, wait, you said you didn’t want to get married? That’s why I’m saying have a healthy skepticism. especially in the beginning, be a little skeptical. You don’t know the sky. You don’t know why he’s asking for what he’s asking for, or why he’s insisting adamantly that things be a certain way. If it’s setting off, if it’s setting off your gut feelings and your spidey senses, kind of like, No, I don’t know about that. pay attention to that, it’s important to have to be a little skeptical. and don’t take them in, don’t assume that men know how to attract themselves. men don’t always know what attracts them to a woman,  and so they may tell you like, Oh, I love you so much if you do this thing. And then honestly, sex is a big reason is a big example. a lot of times men are like, oh, I won’t leave you. Oh, also, like, if it’s like a hookup, you know? And you’re like, it’s new, Oh, yeah. I’ll love you. And oh, no, I’ll still respond. So I want to be your boyfriend. I’ll stick around. And then you sleep with this guy. And then he like, doesn’t call back, it’s totally and you’re like, Hey, you said, Yeah, he did say that. But that’s why I’m saying like, you got to have a healthy skepticism. Now, obviously, you don’t want to be so skeptical that you never listen to anything. He says because men do know, their own heart, to a certain extent. But, um, but yeah, you want to have a healthy skepticism for it.

Because like I said, what men say they want and say they like, and see attracts them, is often very different from what actually attracts them. And it’s the same with us women, how many of us are like, Oh, I like a sensitive guy. And then you get with this, like, jerk, Bad Boy, like, we do that, men and women do that. attraction, especially, romantic attraction. And all unlike that is a very mysterious process, I, when I, hopefully, God willing, I go to heaven, I am going to ask God, please explain to me what attracts people to each other, I would really like to know, because it is such a complex thing. There are pheromones, and there’s, Gene, DNA, and, like, there is a physical component to it,  women tend to be attracted to men with like, complimentary jeans. And I don’t mean like clothing jeans, but like, ike medical DNA genes, that, they would be able to have healthy children with, and if a man has similar genes that would yield, especially if you’re not on birth control, birth control can kind of mess with this process, because it, it changes the hormones in your body, and it makes your body appears if it’s pregnant, and that is going to change the pheromones and that will literally attract you to men that have like the gene profile of your brother, which is kind of gross. Maybe we can do a video about that later. But, but again, there is a physical component to it. And then there’s also a psychological component,you’re going to be attracted, men are attracted to women, like their mother and women are attracted to men like their father, so there is a psychological,  previous experience Association aspect to it.

But, we really don’t know, we really don’t know why we fall in love with some people and other people, that spark just never clicks. Have you ever dated a guy? And maybe you or both of you really wanted to make it work? on paper, you both seemed really right for each other. Have you ever done this, like online dating, you guys will hit it off over text, and then you meet? And, the spark just isn’t there. And you’re both disappointed. You wanted it to be there. But it wasn’t, and that just goes to show that like, we don’t control attraction, we don’t control who we fall in love with. And so when you find someone where the attraction is mutual, and you’re both like Healthy People, bear and I don’t mean physically, I mean, like emotionally psychologically, man, that is a gift like that is something to be cherished.

And in so because that doesn’t happen every day and it’s not something we can control. So, I don’t know. But anyways, those are some thoughts on the dating process. Again, you want to go into dating kind of strategically, you want to know what you want to get out of it. And you want to do this for the long term, you want to find someone for the long term. And understand that it is a process, there’s going to be ups and downs, there’s going to be moments of uncertainty. And you have to just kind of roll with the punches and let the chips fall where they may, when you’re dating there you’re dealing with another human being, and you can’t control what they do. You can’t control how they feel about you. Yes, we’re women, and we have our charms and we have the little things we do. And men have their things that they do to but at the end of the day, you can’t control another person, and you can’t always control how the relationship is gonna unfold. That doesn’t mean you throw up your hands. And you don’t ever do anything, but at the same time, you kind of have to have a little bit of detachment about it. So anyways, there’s a lot more that could be said about this, but we’re just going to kind of scratch the surface a little bit and talk about the dating process. So I hope that was helpful. I hope that gave you some food for thought.