In today’s video, we are going to discuss how men think and act and some important differences between them and us. A very crucial part of attracting a man is understanding and accepting their differences from us as women.
Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we’re going to continue on the beauty, truth, and goodness series. And we’re talking about the truth. And this is the subject of understanding men to be attractive, you want to be the woman that understands men. And it’s important because if you’re trying to get into a relationship and with one and you’d like to, you know, hopefully, one day marry one, you are going to be living with a man and dealing with a man. And they do not see things the way we do. They don’t handle stress the way we do. They don’t approach relationships the way we do. They don’t approach life the way we do. And this is partly because you know, each gender has a different set of strengths and weaknesses, we women, we bear children, you know, we’re the ones who physically get pregnant and have babies, and that affects, you know, the choices and the things we can do in life. Now, we’ve had a lot of advances and careers and all that.
But women, we have a different experience of life. And that gives us some privileges. And then it also gives us some limitations. And for men, it’s the same way men have, they often have greater physical strength, they’re often more shrewd, and strategic, they are better at amassing resources for themselves, you know, us women, we tend to be more giving and nurturing, you know, and we’ll think the other person and men are like that, they’re more strategic, they’re more good at like, I’m gonna get mine. And so some of that, that shows that men again, that is going to give them different privileges and advantages. And it’s also going to give them different drawbacks and different weaknesses. So again, for each gender, we’re just different. We’re complimentary, we’re different but equal. And so it’s important to understand those differences. And you want to accept those differences about men. Now, I don’t agree with the common understanding that men aren’t good at relationships, like women are or well, men aren’t good at communicating, or, well, men are good at being sensitive, or what there are certain times where women will often excuse an unloving partner or husband, and they will just say, well, that’s how men are. Well, no, that’s not how men are a good man treats other people well, and with respect, you know, when he respects his woman, you know, his wife makes an effort, it may be difficult for him to maybe, you know, remember to do things she likes or whatever, you know what, maybe certain things may come harder to him. But that doesn’t mean he just throws up his hands and is like, well, I’m a man. I mean, I don’t have it. Sometimes women can make that excuse. So when we understand men, and we think of the differences and we accept the differences, I don’t mean that you should accept bad behavior, and excuse it and say, Well, he’s a man, you know, like, no men can be considerate men can be loving men can be respectful, they may show it in a slightly different way. But they will like you and will feel treated well. So if somebody is not treating you well, don’t jump to the conclusion that oh, well, he’s a man, it’s, it’s too hard for him to treat me the way I’d like to be treated.
Sometimes that can be a trap. So I’m not saying that. However, coming back to our point here, I’m going to talk about a couple a few of the ways that men are different. So it’s food for thought one of the first things men handle stress differently. So we women, when we are stressed out, we want to talk about it, we want to go to a friend and talk to it about it, somebody because oftentimes what’s deep down at the heart of it is I’m afraid nobody cares about me. I’m afraid I’m alone in the world, you know, and so when you go talk to somebody else, that proves to you, oh, I’m not alone, this person cares enough to listen. So I’m not alone, you know, so it kind of fixes that underlying fear there. But again, I think they’ve done like studies on the female brain. And there’s like neurons, like neurotransmitters that go off when you’re talking about a problem. And it helps you like to come to a conclusion or something. I know that probably sounds sexist, but whatever. But yeah, women, you know, we need to talk about it. You know, we’re not meant to just kind of go in alone all the time. You know, we need other people and it makes us feel better, you know, to talk about our feelings, and you know, sometimes cry it out and everything. However, Men are different, very different, they want to do the opposite. When they’re upset, they want to be left alone to figure it out themselves.
Sometimes I would say for men when they’re upset their underlying foundational, you know, fear is, maybe I’m not good enough, and I can’t do it, you know, maybe I can’t pull this off, or maybe I can’t figure it out, or I’m going, I’m going to fail, I’m failing. Men are really afraid of failure. Women, I would say are more afraid of like, kind of like abandonment, I don’t mean in like a romantic way. But I mean, like, we’re afraid of losing our social connections, I feel like men are more afraid of failing, well, I am a failure, or I’m not useful. And so that’s why when a man’s upset, he wants to go off by himself in the book, men are from Mars, women are from venus, john gray calls it going into his cave, you know, men want to go into their cave and think about it, or if he can’t, you know, go off by himself and think it through, or maybe he did try to think it through well, then they want to get their mind off it and they want to detach, and that’s kind of how men kind of come to terms with things, you know, they just kind of detach a bit. And you know, I guess their subconscious mind works out a solution, you know, and then they feel better about it. But that’s how men are, they don’t want to talk about it. Usually, they don’t want to talk about it, they may talk about it with you, just to give you the actual informational details of what happened. But other than that, they don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to dig in and do like feelings, archaeology, and like, you know, unearth how they felt in great nuance and detail, they don’t want to do that. Because for men, when they dig up feelings, it can be a very intense experience. for them. I have heard it said that men are more emotional than women, that they don’t feel often, but when they do, it’s a very strong feeling that men’s feelings are stronger than women’s. And so when they have a feeling, they know now again, I’m not a guy, you know, so I’m just kind of going off of here, say, but this is from I’ve mentioned him before Bob grant, he’s a marriage and family therapist, you know, he’s like a psychologist. And he said that he was like when men feel they feel very intensely, women feel a lot. But they often don’t feel intensely, men don’t feel a lot. But when they do, it’s very intense. And so because of that, they don’t want to unleash all these, you know, really deep feelings. Because, you know, that’s what happens when they talk about it.
And so for men, that is it is not cathartic. It’s the opposite, that makes them feel more out of control, and makes them feel more doubtful of whether they can fix the problem, and more scared that maybe they’re failing somehow or you know, so it’s different. It’s different for men. And that’s why, if you’re dating a guy, and he’s upset, don’t necessarily press him to give you a bunch of details. You know, just let him tell you, whatever he feels comfortable telling you because again, guys deal with stress differently, it doesn’t always help for them to talk about it. Now, it is important to cover things like the informational details of what happened and maybe a little bit here and there like, Well, yeah, I was really sad when that happened. Or Yeah, man that got to me, you know, like, I just, yeah, it hurt. It hurt. So you know, men will talk about it somewhat, but don’t just let men talk about however much they want to talk about. They will bring up as many feelings as they’re comfortable with and leave it at that. The next one I kind of hinted at these fears, guys, they don’t want to be a failure, you know, they don’t want to not be needed. It’s been said that a man’s worst fear is that no one needs him. A woman’s worst fear is that no one cares about her. So there’s, there’s a difference there. You know, men like to be useful. They like to be needed. And you know, a man if they feel like nobody needs them. That’s demoralizing. For a guy. You know, this is why a lot of men nowadays, you know, we’re kind of having a crisis with young men, because they don’t feel like anyone needs them. We’ve had all this, we’ve had this cultural message going out that like, you know, you’re oppressing women and you’re, you know, you ruin everything you touch. And that to men is very damaging, you know, it makes them feel like oh, well, not only does nobody need me, you know, not only am I not useful, I’m the opposite of useful, I’m destructive. You know, like, that’s a terrible thing so that’s a terrible message to send to a guy. So you know, and That’s for guys. You know, for us women, it’s different. We’re not as concerned about, you know, maybe saving face or like, you know, making sure we’re competent.
You know, I noticed this in the workplace, especially, men are very concerned with how it looks. And we women can just do something, but I noticed that sometimes guys, you know, they want to make sure that like, Oh, well, you know, normally I would do this, but you know, I broke my leg today. So, you know, and, you know, it’s like, they it’s like, they got to make sure like, well, this is, this is why I need help, you know, I don’t normally need help, you know, just saying, and that’s different. You know, that’s, that’s different from women. You know, with us women, it’s like a feather in our cap if someone helps us. But with men, they don’t want to be helped. They want to do it themselves, you know, to them. Sometimes it can feel almost like an insult if you’re trying to help them with something that they could do themselves. You know, have you ever dealt with little boys? You know, have you ever babysat little boys, and you know, maybe you were gonna go outside and play and you were like, going to help them zip up his jacket? Has a little boy ever told you? No, no, don’t do it. I want to do it myself. You know, little boys do that. And again, that’s that masculine desire to be self-sufficient, you know, they don’t want anybody to baby them. And that’s a little different than women. If somebody you know, if you help a little girl, zip-up her jacket, have they? Have you ever seen them smile, you know, you’d like to slip up and she goes like, oh, happy, you know, like, little girls are different. You know, they like it when people help them. And so that is that’s another difference between men and women. And that’s a difference that can often cause trouble in relationships. Because as women, if we love someone, we will often try to do things for them. Have you ever, you know, gotten to know a guy and like, once you were dating a lot, you know, you started to fall in love with him. And so then you wanted to, like do more for him. He wanted to do more things for him. And then did you ever notice that it kind of caused a little tension in the relationship, this is why you know, men, they don’t want to be self-sufficient. They want to take care of themselves.
And in a relationship, if he’s a good guy, he wants to take care of you. So not only is it kind of annoying on a generic level, but it’s also a bit annoying in a relationship way. Because it almost kind of reverses what he’s trying to do. You know, it’s like, No, I want to take care of you, I care about you. So I’m going to be useful to you. And so if you’re doing things for him, that can kind of mess with his sense of, you know, well, why am I here? You know, why am I in this relationship? If you can do all this stuff so much that you can do it for me to like, why am I here? That’s a difference between men and women, that can create some tension, and women can often genuinely be, you know, just completely flabbergasted. You know, when a guy is angry that, you know, they did something, you know, maybe the woman did some elaborate, you know, maybe she did some elaborate like, birthday party or something, just something that took a lot of work and was a lot of giving to him. And then you know, maybe he wasn’t very impressed with it, or he didn’t like it. You know, sometimes, it can be that it can sometimes be that at work. Now. That’s not to say that you don’t ever do something nice for a guy or you don’t do something nice for your boyfriend. That’s not true. It’s fine to do nice things for them, but watch the reaction and make sure that you aren’t doing it too often to the point where he may feel smothered or like you’re being mothering. So there’s that.