Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood we are continuing the series on truth, the beauty truth, and goodness series. And this video is no princess thinking. And in other words, I mean, be realistic about everything, be clear-eyed about everything when you are dating. It’s important, I talked about this earlier, you want to understand the realities of dating for women, you want to have a general plan, as to be a flexible plan, obviously, because another person is involved in it this future guy, you want to have some general idea of where you want your life to go. And your dating life your love life, don’t be ashamed to do that a lot of people act like it’s silly, but it’s not, it’s actually crucially important. So don’t let them talk it down. But having said all that, you want to be realistic, you are not going to be successful in dating, you’re not going to be successful, attracting a man who you’re happy with, he’s happy with you and you get this like a great relationship, you’re not going to get that if you’re not realistic. Part of dating is being selective, it is very easy to waste time on men that are not going to give you what you want. And you have to be very realistic. And sometimes you have to be almost cold-heartedly honest with yourself, don’t ignore red flags, don’t over believe in romantic fantasies. This is what I mean, when I say princess thinking, don’t think that like every man’s wonderful just because your feelings for him are so strong, that love will conquer all and suddenly, somehow everything will work itself out.

Every man has flaws. And some of those flaws are big enough to actually shipwreck the relationship. Some of those flaws are big enough to where you can’t even get into a relationship with them. That’s where we get these, like situation ships, that it is a flaw, because a lot of men have the flaw of cowardice, and they don’t want to sit down and tell a girl, I’m just not into you like that and rather than actually tell a woman that they would rather let her keep chasing. And that can be an issue we women fall into we’re very empathetic and understanding and nurturing. And sometimes, especially when you really like a guy, it can be hard to tell when he’s actually kind of rejecting you, you have to be very clear-eyed about things. And then having said that, you have to be clear-eyed, and you have to be honest with what you’re seeing. Because all the knowledge in the world isn’t going to help you if you don’t act on it, if you are seeing these red flags, but you’re kind of brushing them aside, don’t do that, because there is somebody great out there and you’re just delaying meeting him and being happy with him. If you’re mess wasting time with these other guys, and then also, once you’ve found a good guy, be realistic about what you’re getting into.

No guy is perfect. There will always be quirks and little personality mismatches. , obviously, the big things should match up you guys should both genuinely like and be attracted to each other and feel happy and lucky to have each other in your life that should be present for both of you. You should have generally the same morals and values you should have generally the same religious outlook and political views they should mostly align obviously, you guys are separate people, you’re never going to completely see eye to eye on everything you should at least generally, matchup so those big things, yes, should be there. Same values and morals, same life goals you should both want to get married, you should both want to have kids, you should have discussed things like finances, children, domestic chores, who’s going to stay at home with the kids who are going to go to work? Are you going to do the chores at home? , the dishes and everything? Are you going to be a stay-at-home mom, maybe you want to work out you and him have to work that out.

And so there has to be a general and sincere agreement there, and I sincerely believe that one or both of you should not be agreeing to something simply because you like the other person and don’t want to lose them but assuming that that stuff is all in place and that you guys agree on sincerely, genuinely agree on the big stuff. Having said that, there’s going to be smaller things that are kind of quirks, smaller things that maybe they’re side effects of the bigger things so let’s say you really wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and  That takes money, especially in today’s economy. So you got with a guy who is very ambitious, and he makes a lot of money. Well, the side effect of that, it’s kind of like the dark side, the shadow of this benefit is that, well, he’s gone a lot, he works a lot, well, that’s, that’s not fun. And that’s something you’re going to have to be realistic about what you’re getting into, are you going to be able to handle maybe eating dinner alone? A lot of nights? Are you going to be able to get by with maybe only spending time with him, like quality time with him? On the weekends? Are you going to be able to handle that? Or is that something you’re going to feel resentful for? On the other hand, maybe he just, he has different dreams for his life, let’s say he wanted to be, he always wanted to be a teacher he has a very strong desire to help youth and he wants to be a teacher and because of that, well, he doesn’t really make a lot of money.

But, he’s got a great heart, he’s good with kids, you trust Him, blah, blah, so he’s got all those other things. However, the side effect of those good qualities is, well, he’s also not as concerned about money. So he works a job where maybe you guys are going to kind of have to budget pretty tightly, during your marriage, is that something you can live with? Are you going to always resent him?

He didn’t live up to his potential, he could have made more money and, and we’re here struggling because he doesn’t want to are you going to resent that? So you want to be realistic about what you’re getting into. Love will not conquer all, you want to have a clear-eyed view of things. The other thing you want to be realistic, and kind of keep a healthy dating, like healthy distance, especially when you’re first dating, because you don’t really know this guy, you don’t know what kind of person he is, he could be married, he could be an axe murderer. So you want to make sure that, you kind of keep a healthy distance, in the beginning, don’t see him every day, try to see him maybe just like once a week, again, this isn’t the beginning, the first few months of dating, after him, and you guys are like, in like an official relationship, it’s different. But in the beginning, you want to kind of keep a little distance there and kind of get to know him and evaluate him. And basically, you want to pace yourself. So you’re not swept away by your feelings, you want to try and maintain a clear view of him. And if you’re seeing him constantly, it can lead to the kind of like that love bombing, and then you don’t really get an accurate view of him and you fall in love with him before you really have a chance to know who he is and whether he’s a good fit. And that can cause a lot of problems. And you want to also be honest with yourself about where the relationship is heading men if they love you, and they really like you, I would say within like six to 12 months, if they like you and they want to get married and the other things in their life are in place, and there’s not some extenuating circumstance, somewhere between six to 12 months, a guy will propose to you if he loves you and he thinks you’re the one.

So if it’s been longer than a year, and you guys are still dating, and you’re like, I don’t really know where this is going, that’s a red flag. And you should be honest with yourself about that. And, and maybe ask yourself, Is this really heading where I want it to go? am I wasting time? Again, this is not a pleasant question to ask yourself, because, especially when you sink a lot of time into a new guy, it can be very painful to be like,  what, I don’t think this is leading where I’m hoping it’s leading. So that’s something you want to be honest with yourself about, that’s another area of honesty and dating and attracting men. Because, again, you’re not going to marry every person you date, so there will be a selection process, you’re gonna have to get to know these guys. And some of these guys aren’t going to be right for you. And others may like him, but he doesn’t like you. So you have to kind of cycle through men, until you find the right one. And you can’t do that if you’re clinging to like, Princess thinking and fantasies, and oh, well, I know it’ll just work out like love conquers all, you have to be realistic about it as well. So yeah, that’s that. Hope that was helpful.