Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. We’re continuing our truth series. In this video, we’re going to talk about knowing what you want in a man and who would be compatible with you. So basically, knowing what you want, again, this is the truth, pillar of dating,, you want to have a certain authenticity in dating, you want to know what you’re trying to do here, what are you trying to accomplish, don’t just float into some relationship, and oh, this guy likes me, I guess I’ll go for him, you have to know what you want. And it can be a little daunting. But part of it is you have to kind of take a step back. And, think about what relationships are for what marriage is for? I’m filming this in 2021. And in our like, super technology-driven society, it can often be like, well, what do I need a man for? like, I have my own job. I have this, I have that what do I need a man for? there is an aspect of life that is still like men are still very much necessary. And it’s not just for emotional comfort. It’s not for having somebody to cry on their shoulder, men are necessary to give you a feeling of safety in the world. How many of you when you’re in a relationship, and maybe you’re single now you notice the difference? If something scary happened in the world, wasn’t it always consoling if you had a boyfriend, it was like, I don’t know what it is. But men lend a certain gravity and like, strength to life. And they, they make you feel safe, and not probably sound horribly sexist, because, as women, we’re basically taught to, like, not have any vulnerability and not admit that we want men around. But if you’ll be honest with yourself, men make the world a little more tolerable. In as far as like the risks and the danger. And I think for men, it’s different. I think with men, a woman gives them a sense of joy and purpose in life, I think life gets really gray and colorless for men. We kind of like, brighten things up. And in return, for us, women, men, yeah, they make us feel a little more secure and safer. people always say women want security. And we do, but it’s not always financial, sometimes it’s kind of just emotional security.

But yeah, so basically, you want to know what you want, you want a man that you can rely on that you can trust, you want to sit down and ask yourself, do I want to be married? is this the plan for me? Is this the life for me? And then you have to think about raising kids, there’s a lot of talk of like, Well,, I don’t know if I want kids or this or that. And it’s like marriage and children is what most people are meant for. Not everybody, you’re you might watch this and be like, well, not everybody has to have a child and don’t, like, I don’t want my life to be biologically driven. And it’s like, okay, fine, maybe you’re an exception. But there are a lot of us women who we do feel happier and fulfilled, when we have, familial relationships, we have a husband, we have children, we have grandparents, we have parents, we have siblings that we talked to, a lot of us women get a lot of fulfillment out of our relationships. So, you need to find a man who can fit in with that, who’s going to be a good husband and a good father, you’re not looking for somebody to just have a good time with, a good time is short-lived, you need something permanent, because, again, us women, we have a shorter time frame, and we have to, we have to make good choices, because we don’t have, you don’t have your whole life, it’s important to, to live your life in the proper phases. And when you’re young, and in your 20s that’s the phase to find someone and settle down, that’s gonna be the easiest time to do that. And then after that, you move into the second phase of parenthood and raising children. And then, after that, you’re a grandparent, and that’s the next phase of life. there’s, people talked about seasons of life, it’s kind of the same idea. But basically, we covered in the last video, a concept called hypergamy. I think the red pill community kind of takes it a little to the extreme. But hypergamy is basically the concept of women mate and like to date and marry either at or above their, like social standing.

And what that translates to, in practical terms is and us women, we all know it. You want A guy that you can respect and who you don’t think is a loser. Nobody wants to get with a loser. So however you define that, make a list of what you want in a man. I filmed a video, a man probably about a year ago at this point. And it was all about, like my scoring system for dating, I sat down, I made a list of everything I wanted in a guy, you might want to watch that video, and just sit down and just make a list of everything you want. And I talked about, how to make your list, how to score the things on the list, how to figure out what’s a deal-breaker, what is it because, there, honestly, I think deep down as women, it’s not that we’re afraid, we won’t get what we want. It’s that there are so many great men out there, we complain all there are no good men. But man, when you really start listing out everything you want, and the guy, it’s like, you’ll think of like, oh, there was that one guy in eighth grade, I really liked that. And then all there was this one guy I worked with, I really liked that. And as you start making your list, you’ll realize like, wow, there’s a lot of great men out there. So it can be a little overwhelming. And so in that video I talked about, kind of how to come up with some kind of a framework to figure out like, is this guy attractive? Should I date him? like, because is he worth the hassle? Am I making a good choice here, I feel like I can often overthink our relationships a little bit. And in that video, I talked about a way to like, put some data into that process. You’re not totally kind of agonizing about the choice a little bit, which I think women tend to do sometimes, but yeah, you want to know what you want. And then think about what do you need in a man, there are certain basic things that you need in a guy, he needs to be trustworthy, he needs to be respectful of you, he needs to love you, he needs to be attracted to you don’t get into these situation ships, where you’re not sure if the guy really likes you, he really likes it, like he needs to be sold on you, he needs to really feel lucky to have you in his life. And I’m not saying that from like, in an entitled kind of way. But I mean, that literally is one of the ingredients of a healthy relationship. you guys both have to be attracted to and like and appreciate and feel lucky to have the other one, obviously, the longer you’re together, sometimes after a few years of marriage, the sparkle wears off. But oh, you could always rekindle it if you put work into your marriage. And again, at least in the beginning that sparkle and that enthusiasm should be there. So that’s one of them, other things you need, like he needs to have the same morals and values as you he should share your religious, his religious ideas, and yours should mostly align, you should try to get someone of the same religion as you usually the same political leanings as well.

I hesitate to say that because we’re so politicized nowadays. But you guys should have generally the same views on things like religion and politics, things like that, big things. And then you also need to sit through and think about, what do you want in a relationship? What do you want your marriage to look like? Who and I mean, very practical, day-to-day details, this is the non-romantic stuff. Yes, you want your husband to, leave you rose petals in the bathroom or something and have romantic dates and things like that, of course, but there’s more practice. There’s also a practical side to marriage, who’s going to be the breadwinner? Are you both going to work? Is one of you going to work? Who’s going to stay home with the kids who are going to handle the finances? Do you want your husband to come home and give you his paycheck and you pay all the bills? Or does that stress you out? Because you’re maybe you wouldn’t be working? And so you’d want him to handle that, where do you guys want to live? Do you want to live in the city? Do you want to live in a rural area? Do you want to live on a farm? Like what are your life goals? How many kids do you want to have? Do you want to stay at home? Mom, is that really important to you? Or do you not mind? If you work, because some men want a stay-at-home wife, other men would prefer somebody to help out with the bills. It just depends? And so these are things that you need to think about for yourself so that you can understand so that you can have informed conversations about this. let’s say you meet Mr. Right? And he sits you down and he wants to talk about those things. If you don’t know for yourself what you want, you’re not going to be able to have that conversation with him. Otherwise, it’ll just be like, well, whatever you want, and then maybe you’ll end up three, four years into your marriage. And you’re really resentful. And you’re like this was a bad fit? Well, it’s because you didn’t think through these things before. And it’s important to think through them before you’re actually in a relationship.

Because when you’re really in love with someone, it can cloud your judgment, and it can make you more agreeable. And then you’ll go, Oh, yeah, like, let’s say, I’m the kind of person like, I’ve had people who were like, I don’t kind of change my mind on this, in light of recent events in the world, which I will not mention, because of the algorithm stuff. I was gonna say another term, but that probably would have gotten me to monetize. But basically, I used to never be into farms. I use guys that were like, Yeah, man, I want to live on a farm. I was like, No, but I mean, in light of other events, I’m starting to change my mind. So it’s things like that you want to have a good firm basis, and know what you want your future marriage to look like, it’s not silly to plan it out, as long as your plan is somewhat flexible. Because, again, there’s going to be another person involved in this plan, your husband’s going to be involved in this plan. So you’re both different people, you may you guys may have some differences of opinion, you may need to compromise on a couple of things here and there. But in general, you should know at a very clear level what do you want to do? Are you comfortable? are you okay, doing most of the housework? Are you going to feel resentful of that? Do you want to? Do you want a man that helps out around the house? Or are you happy if he just takes care of the outside stuff, like most of the lawn, things like that? I mentioned this earlier, but the number of kids, if you want to have one or two kids, and he wants to have 10, that’s going to be a problem. And also there’s that, how are you guys going to keep the romance alive in your marriage? that’s another thing you want to think about, you guys should have regular dates.

And I’m going to try and keep this PG-rated. But another aspect of marriage is you’re going to have to make a genuine attempt to be sexually available, that’s something to consider in marriage as well. So maybe you’re going to think about your sex drive, are you going to, you want to marry somebody compatible there. Again, that’s something that’s kind of you want to save for the later stages of dating. But that is something to think about. These are things to think about in marriage, that most of the time nowadays, people don’t really think about that, everybody thinks, Oh, well, we’re in love, therefore, everything will be fine. And it’s like, No, you have to know about these like Nitty nitty-gritty details so that you guys can have conversations about it before you get married. And before you make that lifetime decision, because marriage is forever.

And you want to make sure that you settle down with someone where you’re both going to be happy. So and then the final thing, you got to know what you want. And most of the time as women, we want a relationship, we want something that is at least potentially heading toward marriage. Now, obviously, you’re not going to marry every guy you date. And it is not something that you’re not going to know in the first few dates. whether this guy,  whether he’s the one and you’re going to marry him, but you don’t want to date men who tell you outright, I don’t want a relationship, I just want to see where this goes, I don’t want a relationship or I don’t believe in marriage. Marriage is just a piece of paper, or I don’t want kids under no circumstances, I do not want children. Those three things are deal-breakers, do not date and waste time with men like that this guy doesn’t want kids, fine, let him go be childless with someone else. And then he can enjoy being in a nursing home and he’s at anila nobody to visit him like whatever. But life’s too short to deal with time wasters. and if a guy is opposed to marriage, if he thinks it’s just a piece of paper, if he thinks it’s too much of a risk, there’s a very strong, there’s a lot of like, it’s called MiG tau. There’s a lot of men on social media nowadays. That, granted, they’ve gone through horrible experiences, horrible divorces, and then they get bitter about women. And they start teaching the younger men that like, oh, marriage is a bad deal. Your wife can leave you and take, half your stuff, blah, blah, blah.

And so and it’s kind of sad, because these younger men, they’ve never had a chance to actually find a great woman and settle down and they’re already having their thinking poisoned, with a feared apprehension of like, oh, some woman’s gonna ruin my life. And as long as you pick a good person who has the same morals and values, then the likelihood of that happening is very low. So be careful if you get some guy who’s got a chip on his shoulder about marriage, he doesn’t want to get married. Don’t date men like that, because you’ll just fall in love with someone who’s, gonna make you miserable. Because you guys, it could get to a point where you both fall in love, and then what are you going to do, he doesn’t want to get married, and you do. And then you’ll be at an impasse, and you’ll have this painful breakup, and it just sucks. And then, this also goes for men who are married, obviously don’t, don’t get involved with men who are married men, really, marriage is a big deal for men, and they have to really emotionally bond to a woman in order to take that step with her. And so when a man is married, and you’re messing with a married man, nine times out of 10, they’re not going to leave the wife for the side check. It’s sad, but true. And that wife is in a position of power over the side chick, because he has already made that commitment to her. Yes, he’s clearly unhappy in the marriage. He’s being immature, he should work with both spouses.

If somebody is unhappy, they should work it out between themselves and not cheat. But sometimes people do that. And then yeah, you’ll get a situation where there’s a married man, and don’t, don’t go down that road. It will very much mess up your goals of settling down and having a good marriage for yourself. You don’t want some other woman’s leftovers. Like sorry. But yeah, so anyways, that is Yeah that’s the second video know what you want. These are some practical, non-romantic things.us women. We know very well what we want for fun romantic stuff. But this is the more practical side of it. And it’s important to give some thought to that and have a general idea of what you want in a man and a general idea of what your deal breakers are and what your red flags are.

So food for thought.