Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we are going to continue our beauty truth, and goodness series. And we’re going to talk about something called inner happiness or serenity. This is a concept that used to be more talked about and more popular back in the day. Nowadays, we don’t really talk about it as much, but it’s super important. And it’s also really important to men. Obviously, this series is about how to attract men.

So we’re going to do things that will help us in that area. And this is a really big one because men value peace in a relationship, kind of the way we value romance, we want things to be kind of dynamic and learning and growing, but men are a little different. Obviously, they don’t want a stagnant, boring, predictable relationship either. But to a certain extent, they don’t want there to be constant drama and constant problems. Remember, going back to what we said in previous videos, a man’s goal in a relationship is to make you happy, if he is not reaching that goal, if you’re always upset about something, then he feels he’s not reaching that goal. And that stresses him out. And if it happens frequently enough, and it becomes a very common pattern in the relationship, he will often just kind of check out of the relationship either emotionally, or he will actually break up with you and leave. Now, that’s not to say you can’t ever be upset about things, there is a fine line here, you do need to speak up for yourself and not let yourself get walked all over.

So that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is you need to develop in yourself, just a certain inner peace and calmness so that you’re not always bringing up problems with him that are maybe trivial. It’s important to bring up problems if you don’t feel he’s treating you well, or you don’t like something he’s doing. There are times you want to kind of choose your battles. But there are times where Yes, you absolutely should say something, and it is important to rock the boat. But for something like this, in general, men want a woman who’s happy with them, and who’s content in the relationship. And so that’s what I mean when men say they like peace, they want a woman whose content, she likes spending time with them. It’s not a big drama to make her happy all the time. She’s not constantly gossiping or bickering. That’s what I mean when I say that men like peace. And so that’s why we’re going to talk about serenity, because if you have like serenity and inner happiness, then you’re naturally going to be content with a lot of things in life, and he will be one of them and so then it’s going to naturally make your relationship come along a lot more smoothly. And you’ll have a lot more luck with men because you’ll just be a pretty calm, low-key person.

Now we talked about in another video, we talked about radiant happiness. And for all you extroverts out there, that was your video, radiant happiness, you guys are going to be really good at that. This video is for my introverts. This is for those of you that watch that video, and I don’t know, I’m not super cheery, I’m not super loud. I’m just kind of quiet and chill. Well, that’s what this is when you have inner happiness, you are very serene, you’re very calm, you’re kind of content with the situation. Maybe you go with the flow a little bit, introverts are going to be really good at this. Now, if you’re an extrovert, and you’re watching this, you’re like, oh, Don’t worry, we can all develop inner happiness. And the way to do that is, first of all, there are three things, I think, three, three ways that you can develop it. So the first one, we did talk about this in another video as well. But don’t do things that bother your conscience. our conscience, is that part of us? that lets us know when we’ve done something wrong? And I don’t mean, the naggy anxious part like what don’t people think of me, it’s that deeper part to where even if the whole world agreed with you, you’d still feel uneasy. That’s your conscience. It is a part very deep in our sight. It’s not something we can just silence.

So if you want to have inner happiness, don’t live your life in a way that when you look in the mirror, you don’t like what you see, don’t do things to hurt other people. Don’t gossip about other girls. Don’t do petty little things to get back at them. Maybe at work, maybe you cheated something at work. And maybe your paycheck was inaccurate and the error was in your favor. And let’s say for example like you got an extra like 200 bucks that paycheck. And like you did really deserve it. But you’re like, I’m not gonna say anything. The right thing to do would be to, like, be honest and tell payroll like, Hey, you guys messed up. But you’re like, No, I’m not gonna do it, and then that kind of gnaws at you and you’re like, oh, I wasn’t. So if you do things like that over and over, they kind of build-up, and they’ll give you kind of like inner anxiety, you’ll never really feel at home in the world. So that is something that’s the first thing. The second thing is you need to heal whatever traumas you went through, we all have things that we’ve gone through some of us more than others. So you want to kind of process and work through what you’ve been through.

Now, there are certain situations where maybe in milder cases, you can get by with, reading some good self-help books, doing some journaling, some books I recommend for this would be not most of us feel like Dr. Phil’s kind of jumped the shark. But way back in 2002, or three, I think it was, he wrote a really good book called self matters. And that’s going to basically guide you through journaling exercises to help you look over your life. So that’s a really good oneself matters. Another one is Dr. Jordan Peterson has he calls it a future authoring program, but he has what’s called a past authoring program, it’s kind of like a little online website that you sign up to log into. And then it’s going to ask you certain questions about your past. And if you’re the kind of person that doesn’t like writing, you’re gonna love that, because you type it into the screen, and then it will save your answers as you go through the little course. So that’s another good one, past authoring, you just write everything down. Again, that’s by Dr. Jordan Peterson.

So those are two books or two resources, that are really good for processing things that have happened to you, especially if you don’t have the money for therapists therapy can get very expensive. So those are two good options. And then other than that, sometimes what can help is just maybe reading books about your situation, if you were the child of alcoholic parents, maybe read self-help books about that, make sure you take it with a grain of salt, because a lot of people that are therapists or authors, they’ve often been through something themselves. And so not every self-help book is going to be good, but just kind of take a look, see which ones resonate with you, so read about that if maybe you had mental illness in your family, maybe one of your parents had a mental illness, like some sort of bipolar, schizophrenia, whatever, maybe they were very depressed, things like that, read a book for that, adult children of schizophrenics are something and sometimes Another one is memoirs, you can read memoirs are a little hit or miss. But sometimes, you can read Memoirs of people who were in a similar situation, maybe their parent was schizophrenic, maybe their parent was alcoholic, sometimes that can help to see how people dealt with it. But again, reading self-help books about whatever your situation is, sometimes that can be helpful, because you will actually read about things that are similar, but yet kind of different, and it helps you get a good perspective on it. So that’s worth doing.

However, there’s really no substitute for journaling, either self matters, you do it on pen and paper with the book, or in use past authoring and you do it, you type it into your computer and use a keyboard, either way, you really have to write down what happened to you, it’s super important, because there’s just something about it, getting it out on paper, you’re able to look objectively at it. And you can see with your adult mind, because a lot of things that happened to us were children, and we didn’t have the understanding to comprehend what happened. And that’s where a lot of the like baggage can come from getting hung up on these false ideas of life. And that’s why writing it all out, you can actually look at it as an adult, and like, look at the paper and be like, oh, wow, that’s why I always thought that or that’s why I always needed that kind of guy. Oh, so that’s, that’s really good. Now, some of you are going to be a more severe case. Or maybe you’re hearing this and you’re like, I don’t want to write about it because I don’t know what to write about. I don’t know what’s important or not, I just want somebody to kind of guide me through it. Or again, some of you may be had, but maybe if you had like rape, or you were severely neglected, there was maybe physical abuse at home.

Some of these traumas are more serious and they really do need you do need the help of a professional and as long as you get a good one, maybe shop around a bit, don’t get don’t hire and go to the first therapist you find try to find one that is a good one and kind of interview a few of them and also try to find one that is practical. Get one who really wants, let’s just look at it. Let’s solve the problem. You don’t want one that’s too abstract. Because then you’ll end up in therapy, like, for years, you want one who’s very practical, like, Alright, let’s just dig in what happened, we’ll process it, you can go on with your life, and then also try to get a therapist who has, like a good life, a good character is what I mean. So if you are having trouble in your dating life, and you really want to settle down and get married, and you suspect that some sort of baggage is holding you back from that, you want to go to a therapist, to try and unpack that. You don’t want to go to a therapist that hates men, and has had five failed marriages. Because like it or not, they will tell you, oh, I’m objective, that doesn’t matter. It does matter. It really does. Especially in something as delicate, as kind of readjusting, the human mind, that kind of stuff does matter.

So try to get people that they’ve got their own life together. But again, a therapist can be excellent, and they can help you, you can sometimes make progress with a therapist, that is faster than you would have if you were trying to journal on your own. But in general, and also, if you do both of them together, that can be really good. So that’s the second way, the third wave, and this will often come from, if you have a lot of trauma and you heal it, this can also help. The third one is kind of just maturing people say, oh, grow up and like that’s kind of a mean way of saying it. But in general, as we mature, we do develop more serenity, because we kind of understand, to quote that famous quote, I get serenity is changing the things we can, accepting the things we can’t, and having the wisdom to know the difference that is serenity. And so as you get older, you start realizing, oh, I can change this, oh, this other thing, I can’t change, and then we kind of mature, and we know when to accept things as there are certain things about life that are painful and unpleasant. And there’s really nothing you can do about it. Life is hard. Life is suffering and Catholicism, we call it a valley of tears. And it’s very true. There’s a lot of beautiful happy things in life, a lot of joy to be found.

However, it’s mingled with a lot of sorrow, there’s a lot of bad things that happen. And inner happiness is just kind of sometimes it can just be accepting the unpleasant parts of life and just kind of making the best of it, there are certain things that men cannot shield us from, as much as they would like to, every guy when he’s in love, he wants to make the woman of his choice, perfectly happy social, never, he doesn’t want anything bad to happen or ever, and that’s why it pains him when you talk about things that are hurting you. And he feels sad if he can’t fix them. And that’s why sometimes, we have to just kind of accept the way things are in life. And we can’t really go on and on about it, because there’s really nothing anyone can do. So that’s kind of the third one. But anyways, like the third way to have it. But yeah, other than that, I think that’s a summary of serenity. The other thing about the serenity that’s important that I do want to mention is, for those of you that want to get married and have kids, which I’m guessing is probably most of the demographic watching this because we talk a lot about like more traditional feminine values. And kids play into that. However, it’s it becomes really important to have serenity, when you’re having kids, when you become a mother, like a biological mother, if you are not serene, and you have a short temper, and you’re popping off all the time or you’re like quarreling, bickering all the time.

You’re going to end up fighting with your child and quarreling with your child as well. And that is actually hard on kids, because especially the younger they are, they don’t understand adult anger. They don’t understand. Why is mommy always mad at me and children will often internalize it and think, oh, mommy’s mad at me because I’m bad, or I’m not good enough. Or, oh, I tried to make mommy happy by bringing her a flower and she got angry at me it was so things like that obviously, this is a series about attracting men. So we’re not going to go too much into child development. And, obviously, it’s important in dealing with men, but men are adults, they can think through like, Oh, she’s having a bad day, or Yeah, it really would suck to not get a promotion, but a child can’t do that. And so serenity is actually I would argue, it’s more important when you are a mother than it is when you’re dating someone. As important as it is with a guy. It’s even more important with your children. Because again, you can cause a lot of emotional damage and developmental psychological damage to a kid when they’re growing up. And if you’re constantly yelling at them, and you’re constantly I mean, how many of you watching this maybe had a mother like that? And you can attest to like, Oh, yeah, yeah, I had a lot to unpack because of that, and some of these traumas and baggage that we talked about. And step number two, some of that comes from having a mother who was just very, she didn’t have any inner happiness.

She was not content with life at all, and she took it out on her children. So again, it’s food for thought, if you are a serene, peaceful woman, your children are going to grow up feeling serene and secure in the world, and secure with you. They’re not constantly getting mad at or, having some, some mothers make like snide comments to their kids and put them down and it’s really sad. So anyways, this is actually really important for children as well, for your future kids, if you don’t want to do it for a guy, and that’s not motivating enough, I totally understand. But do it for your future kids, they will think you whatever things you have to do to heal your baggage grow up a little refrained from doing things that maybe would be easier in the short term, but we’re gonna bother your conscience in the long term, all the sacrifices you have to do to maintain and develop that inner happiness. That’s stuff that’s going to pay off for future kids as well. So, anyways, that is serenity. I hope that was helpful. If you have a question or a comment, feel free to leave it below and I will talk to you later.