Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we are going to continue our series on goodness, we’re going to talk about something called a worthy character. This is a concept that comes from a lot of our concepts. I don’t have the book with me right now. But a lot of these concepts in the goodness series are coming from a book and pamphlets by the same name called fascinating womanhood. So we are going to cover a lot of those topics. And this is one of their worthy characters. So basically, no guy wants a woman who’s a bad person, I think we can all agree, you don’t want to get with a bad guy, and a guy doesn’t want to get with a bad woman. So it goes both ways in that, but this is more than just being kind and honest. And like a decent person, if you want to attract demand, and attract him on a deeper level with men, you do have to attract him in the more superficial way, he should think you’re pretty, he should like you on a physical level, he should want you on a physical level, that’s kind of the lighter, more superficial side of it. But for him to commit to you permanently, like marry you, he needs to see deeper things than just your looks. And having a good time. Are you guys compatible? Do you have fun together? Those are important. But there are also deeper things. Because when you’re married to someone, you’re gonna have to face life’s ups and downs. And so a man wants a woman he wants a woman that he can secretly regard as better than himself. And here’s what I mean, when I secretly see you don’t want it to be openly regarded.

Because if it’s openly clear that you’re a better woman, and he doesn’t deserve you, then yeah, you shouldn’t be dating him, you should date a high-quality guy. And you should be a high-quality woman, you guys should match there. But a man wants to marry a woman that he has kind of a secret admiration for and that deep down, he kind of suspects she’s better than him, he’s not going to admit it to other people. But I don’t want to put her on a pedestal and be able to admire her. He wants to see solid virtues in her good characteristics, good habits, that’s all a virtue is a good habit. And so we’re going to talk about some of the virtues that make up what I mean, here, we already talked about one, that’s the virtue of purity, chastity, not sleeping around, we talked about that in the last video, but we’re going to go into the other ones. Because again, there has to be something exemplary about you, you can’t be nice and sweet, and helpful. Just every other woman, there has to be something extraordinary about you. And this is what we’re going to talk about here.

KINDNESS

So the first virtue that we’re going to talk about is kindness. But this is different than just being nice to people. True kindness has a certain regard for every person, you’re nice to this person, regardless of whether they’re the waiter at your meal, or they’re the president, it’s you. You are nice to everybody, you don’t treat people differently based on how they may treat you, and what you can get out of it. This is also where a lot of gossiping and drama, that’s kind of a failure against kindness. Because again, a man wants a woman he can admire. And if you’re over there telling him, yeah, guess what happened, Suzy, her boyfriend dumped her and I was so glad because she had it coming and digested it. A guy’s not gonna admire you if you’re sitting there gossiping like that. And, there’s drama, don’t start drama, do mean things to other girls, maybe there’s a little enemy there that you need to work on if you want to get rid of some of that like desire for drama and stuff. But again, don’t delight in drama and things like that.

COMPASSION

This kind of leads us into the next virtue, which is compassion. We’re going to do a whole video on compassion that is a feminine and especially beautiful virtue in woman compassion. So we’re going to go into that in another video, but suffice it to say that for the sake of this video, compassion, and kindness are a little similar. Basically, you don’t want to delight in the misfortunes of others. A man will not admire you if you’re the kind of woman that takes pleasure when other people have bad things happen to them, so again, you need to get the envy under control. If you find yourself falling into this a lot. If you find yourself having a problem with this, it can be due to envy and to kind of fight that there’s a Catholic saint, his name St. JOHN Vianney, he says to get rid of envy, he says, Seek to imitate the one you’re envious of. So if you have a problem with that, look at the women or the people that you’re envious of, and figure out why do I envy them? Why am I happy when something bad happens to them? And you can often figure it out, you can go, well, that girl has really beautiful hair. And I’ve always hated how my hair looks, or that girl always seems to get a good date.

I have so much trouble all the guys I talked to ghost me. And here, she just goes on a nice date after a nice date, I don’t understand? So it can be things like that. And then these examples, well, if that girl has nicer hair than you, what can you do to make your hair better? Can you get a keratin treatment? Oh, too expensive. Okay, what can you do at home? maybe do some research, figure out what’s wrong with your hair? Is it curly, and you’re having problems with the phrase? Is it straight and you want it to be curly, look into it and do some research and fix it. It’s not shallow. Oftentimes, we hesitate to fix things that we feel self-conscious about. Because we think it’s shallow. It’s not shallow, especially if it’s making you envious to the point where you’re taking pleasure in others’ misfortune, then it’s not a little thing, and it is worth fixing. So there’s that. if it’s the case of the girl that she gets all these nice dates, and you don’t keep watching this video series, this will help with that. But, look into it, read books about men, figure out how they think to try to understand why these men are not responding to you the way you want them to? Is it a problem with the guy? Are you just not evaluating men properly? Is your filter too loose? And maybe you’re letting in kind of lousy men? On the other hand, is it something you’re doing, are these good men and maybe somehow you’re turning them off, it can be a danger to think that it’s always your fault. So I don’t want you to fall into that when it comes to dating. But at the same time, I mentioned the book fascinating womanhood, that’s a good book. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, that’s another good book. And then another good book I recommend.

And again, this is another one of those like your kid who didn’t read this, why pardon the language why men love bitches by Shahryar God, that is another good book, all three of those books are going to help you get a very well rounded idea of men and dating. And so that will help you go very far toward having more luck with men getting what you want from men, we’re going off on a tangent here.

SELF-DISCIPLINE

But anyways, the next virtue self-discipline, man wants a woman who has some self-control, try to get up on time, no guy admires a woman who like sleeps in till 11 every day, she’s kind of lazy, because if this guy wants to marry you, he’s probably thinking about having kids with you. And if you’re lazy, he’s going to be like, man, are my kids going to be dressed? Is my wife going to make me food? You want to have a certain self-discipline. And again, get up on time have a daily routine, try to get a handle on your procrastination, try to develop that self-discipline is the kind of thing that it’s like a muscle, you have to work it and develop it, best thing to do is to just do something, one thing harder, unpleasant every day to kind of work out that self-discipline muscle. So for example, if you really like cream in your coffee, maybe that morning, don’t get cream in your coffee. That’s one little thing to help yourself discipline, maybe set a timer, if you normally spend two hours every night, three, four hours every night watching YouTube, maybe set a timer and only watch it for an hour and then go read a book or something. So little things like that can kind of help you develop that habit of self-discipline.

The next thing is not really so much as a virtue, but the absence of advice, no addictions of any kind, obviously, alcohol drugs, but even the what we call tamer ones, you everybody jokes about being addicted to their smartphone or being addicted to social media. If you feel like you have a problem with that, get a handle on it. There are apps you can install on your phone that can kind of monitor and like come and pop up a notification warning you like, hey, you’ve spent a lot of time on this. Do you want to log off now? So you want to get that under control. And also women who are kind of addicted to social media and they’re always on Instagram, they’re always on Facebook, that’s unattractive to men. They don’t like women who are addicted to social media. So trying to get a handle on that.

HUMILITY

The next thing is humility, we’re going to talk about the balance for that self-respect in a few minutes. But on the other hand, you don’t want to be an arrogant feminism, I feel while it had good parts in general modern-day feminists. Islam has taught women to be kind of arrogant there is this attitude of, well, men should love me however I am. And like, I don’t know how to say this nicely, we’ll have very overweight women, kind of obese women, they will often be angry and demand that men should find them attractive. And, that’s arrogance, you have to have a certain humility, you’re not going to be everybody’s type A, not every guy will be your type. That’s the way it is going around telling men, oh, I don’t need a man, I got my own, and I don’t need you. That’s a little arrogant, you know? Now, you can say that to yourself, maybe. But because to a certain extent, the only man we really need is Christ. So yeah, technically, you don’t, you don’t need a man. But um, it’s kind of arrogant to go around telling men that and, it can be arrogant, when you don’t appreciate the things he does for you. And you just take it for granted. Like, well, of course, you’re going to pay for my meal or whatever, so have a certain humility, you’re not the center of the universe, none of us is, you know, have a certain appreciation for the things guys do. And then the other one is honesty. Don’t lie on your if you’re on online dating, don’t lie on your profiles. If you’re on a date, don’t lie about your past, don’t lie about your family, don’t lie about things. And also don’t lie in other nonverbal ways. So don’t cheat on your taxes, don’t go into a store, and lie to get a discount. There are certain places when you’re shopping, certain times, if you meet certain qualifications, you can get a discount. Or maybe you can get a return and get your money back in certain situations. Don’t lie to get a discount or get a return when maybe you weren’t entitled to one. Things like that men will lose respect for you. if you brag to your boyfriend, like oh, my gosh, I saved $200 on this dress. Because I said this and this, he’s gonna quietly think, well, that’s not true.

Did you lie to them to get a discount? How do I know you’re not lying to me, about something. So honesty, honesty is important. And again, our society is very, we’re really into like white lies, we tend to think oh, it’s okay. It’s okay to lie. Whatever, it’s not okay, it’s important to tell the truth. Now, if somebody is asking you something, that they don’t have a right to know, and tell them I’m not comfortable answering that. Or, depending on your relationship, if it’s your boyfriend, you can go, that’s your business, but in general tell the truth. Don’t lie.

PURITY

The next one, purity, we already talked about that. patients, patients, you want to accept things, things, don’t go your way, be patient about it, wait for things to happen. Patience in regards to qualities men admire especially applies when you don’t like how fast the relationships are going, maybe you wish he would call you more. Or he would ask you out more, you don’t want to wait to see him on the weekend, you want to wait to see him, you want to see him earlier. So you call them up and you’re like, let’s go on a date. Doing that once or twice is fine. But if that becomes a habit that can be annoying for men, he’s busy, he’s got lots of stuff going on, you need to be patient and wait for him to call and wait for him to plan another date. And, when you get farther along in a relationship, you have to wait for him to tell you, he loves you, it’s usually not good. It’s usually best if you wait for men to feel ready to say that us women, we tend to emotionally move faster than men. And I think sometimes we want to say it sooner than men do. And then that puts the guy on the spot. And it’s kind of awkward. And so I do feel like it ensures a better experience for everyone. If you kind of wait for the guy to say it first. Again, it’s not a hard and fast rule. like you never it depends. But in general, that can be an area where patience is needed further on. After that you have to wait for a guy to propose, maybe you and hammer hitting it off really well. If you really like him. He really likes you. And he’s gonna propose eventually or you’re talking about kids, you’re talking about getting married, you have to have patience, wait for him to ask that question when he’s ready, because no matter how good the relationship is, maybe, he decides, well, we’re not right for each other. I thought we were but we’re not. And then he asked to break up. There’s also a trend nowadays of women asking men, proposing to men, women getting on one knee and proposing to men. That is a massive act of impatience and that is not good.

Again, it puts a guy on the spot just like if you say I love you before him It puts a guy on the spot. He will often say yes to the proposal just out of embarrassment and also men get a lot of satisfaction and joy out of planning the proposal, planning how they’re going to ask you to marry them. It’s been said that the wedding day is the happiest day of a woman’s life. And I once heard a man say that the proposal day is the day you say yes to Him asking you to marry him. He said that was the happiest day of the man’s life. So for the woman, it’s the wedding day for the man, it’s the proposal day, because he said, He’s already the most amazing woman in his life and has already just agreed to marry him. That’s like the best possible news he could get. So the proposal is a very special thing for a man. So don’t rush it, don’t nag him or anything like that you got to be patient. Patience is needed for both genders. Men have to be patient with the physical aspect and the sex they have to meet, especially if you’re saving sex for marriage, men have to be patient and wait to sleep with you. But on the other hand, us women have to be patient and wait for a man to emotionally catch up with us. And call us when he wants to see us tell us He loves us when he’s ready to say that to us. When he’s ready to do that we have to be patient and wait for the guy to do those milestones in the relationship. Because again, just as it’s awful to rush a woman into sex, it’s awful to Russia, man into commitment, you don’t want to emotionally rushman it goes both ways. We always hear about men trying to rush women into bed and we all know that’s bad. Us women instinctively are like, ooh, I would not want to be rushed into sleeping with someone who No, no, well, it’s the same for men. If you try to emotionally rush them with too much closeness and too much. You’re telling him you love him, you’re giving them all these gifts or calling them that, that Russia’s a man in the same way that we talked about for women and you don’t want to do that to them? It’s not right.

MORAL COURAGE

So anyways, the next one is moral courage, you have to stand up for what you believe in. If you’re thrust in a situation where that is necessary. This is different from what we have nowadays, we have certain false courage, false moral courage, which is really nothing but virtue signaling people take it upon themselves, and volunteer their opinion on certain hot button issues because they want to look good. They want to reassure themselves that they’re a good virtuous person. And that’s not what I’m talking about here. The true moral courage that a man will admire in a woman is when you are taking a stand. And it’s a difficult stand, you are going to lose something by making that stand or it’s something that you didn’t bring you didn’t choose it,you didn’t go on Twitter, and you chose to say what you think about some, controversial issue, what happened at your workplace, you got put on the spot, and you had to stand up for your beliefs, you’re out with friends, and somebody was ridiculing you about something and you had to stand up for what you believed in, so situations like that. That’s what I’m talking about. Not this not this, like the moral posturing that we have nowadays. It’s like fake courage. That’s not what I’m talking about. But the real courage, the real moral courage, standing up for what you believe in, even when it costs you something, a man is gonna really admire you for that. And that is part of this, like this good character that I’m talking about.

SELF-RESPECT

And the last one is self-respect, I spoke earlier about humility, you don’t want to be arrogant. However, this is the balance to that you want to have a certain self-respect. You don’t let people cut you down. if a man’s saying something bad to you, if he tells you you’re a prude, because you won’t sleep with them, you just basically tell him like take a hike. It doesn’t have to be mean, but you have enough self-respect to stay strong in your beliefs. Now, where does this self-respect come from? I’ll tell you, it comes from having a clear conscience if you have been living your life, to the best of your ability, and you can look yourself in the mirror every morning, and be okay with what you see if you can sleep well at night. You didn’t do anything horrible that day. That’s like keeping you up at night. and you’re living your life as best you can, and you’re taking it day by day then that will give you a certain self-respect. You will be proud of yourself on some level and you will have peace within yourself. Because you’ll know I am living my life the best way I know how and people debate about whether there’s a conscience or not but everybody, regardless if you study cultures around the world, throughout history, the same main concepts come up. Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t sleep with somebody else’s stuff. Don’t murder.

Those are basic things. That is, it’s like written in our psych not to do and when we do those things, don’t hurt someone without reason, don’t be envious and like hurt another girl just to make yourself feel better, how often have you maybe spread a rumor about a girl or maybe you borrowed her sweater and you deliberately put a rip in it and then gave it back to her and acted surprised, do you want to see that sweater be ruined, so she couldn’t wear it anymore, little petty things like that, those are going to make you’re going to lose respect for yourself, long before others lose respect for us, we lose it for ourselves first, and this is not talked about. But nobody in the self-help industry talks about this. But a lot of what we know is low self-esteem is actually a lack of self-respect because people are doing things that they know are wrong. And, it doesn’t have to be major things. You don’t have to be Hitler to wake up in the morning and not like yourself, it can be little petty things, whatever isn’t right, that will bother you. And when you look at yourself in the morning, you’ll go I don’t really like myself, you’ll look and you’ll just know it in your gut.

So again, to have this healthy self-respect, stop doing anything you think is wrong, in your gut feeling, you’re gonna know, maybe you have a problem with envy. maybe because you’re envious of other girls, you always make little cutting comments that kind of tear down their reputation, maybe you like to spread rumors, but then you’re not going to really feel good about yourself. because deep down that’s not a good thing to do. So again, live your life as ethically and as honestly as possible. Listen to that little voice, Pinocchio, you know, that movie, the voice of conscience Jiminy Cricket, maybe watch that movie, and you’ll see what I mean. But again, it’s not a little cricket, we all have a conscience now our conscience can get worse, especially with the society around us. Your conscience is partly modified, I don’t want to say it’s created by society.

A conscience is not a social construct. It’s written into the heart of man we are psychologically by default, we have certain moral principles. However, those principles can be slightly modified by society around us, this is how a lot of our sexual practices are things that used to be considered kind of off that you still kind of feel a little off about, that is another thing that our conscience gets. This is why there is such a push to like, legalize certain things, or show it in movies and in the media, because they’re trying to silence this little voice of conscience, because they think wrongly, that oh, this discomfort, I’m feeling this lack of self-respect, I, I notice in myself, when I look in the mirror, or when I try to sleep at night, and everything is silent, I have no distractions, and I’m alone with myself, all of this, this guilt, I feel this shame this is society. It’s not that guilt doesn’t come from society, and it’s not going to be fixed by society. Even if society threw you a parade for that thing you feel bad about whatever it is, whether it’s sex, which is a big one that society is trying to do this with, but whatever it is, even if society everybody you knew, hailed you, from every corner about it, you would still feel that little knowledge, they like in a bad conscience to like the nine of a worm, it’ll still be there. Society didn’t create that guilt feeling, and it can’t take it away. It’s written into who we are. So really, the only thing you can do is just stop doing a thing that makes you feel guilty. So anyway, that is the section on a worthy character. Those are the areas and the good qualities that you need to work on.

Obviously, you don’t have to be perfect, men know that you’re going to have a bad day, they know that there will be times where you won’t say or do something that was really the best you could have done they, they know we all make mistakes, and men know that but in general, these are the things you want to be aiming for and you want to develop as much of these virtues. And to as high a degree as you can, do your best. Just do your best as long as you’re a woman that’s doing her best to develop these qualities. Men will overlook the little faults here and there. But in general, you should be striving for this and men will very deeply admire you for it and this is one of the big things that makes you wife material. This is what separates you. This is what separates the girlfriends, the girlfriend material from the wife material. A big part of it is this worthy character: a man wants to marry a woman that he can kind of look up to, so anyway, that is the end of that. I hope that’s helpful. If you have any questions, leave a comment and that’s it.