Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood In today’s video, we are going to start on our goodness series. And we are going to talk about the first thing on the list. And this is the first thing that men consider good when you’re dating. And this is what we have often been called feminine virtue. That is an old-timey phrase, which means purity chastity, it means you don’t sleep around, and you don’t sleep with someone outside of marriage. Now, I know that’s kind of a heated thing to say, in today’s society where premarital sex has become so mainstream, but I’m going to bring up a few reasons why you shouldn’t do that. And I made a video a long time ago about how to not have sex with the guy. So that was very practical. If you’ve decided, say, you understand why people say don’t have sex outside marriage, and you want to, like honor God with your body. And you don’t want to do that, that video is going to give you some tips. Well, I have two videos as part one and part two, that’s going to give you tips on how to do that while you date very practical things. However, this video is more of why I’m assuming it’s not important to tell people don’t do something, it’s important to explain to them why.

And in a video like this, it’s always really hard to kind of have this kind of talk discussing anything sexual is kind of weird, because especially on a medium like social media, because I don’t know you watching this. And it’s very hard for people to have a balanced idea of sex, it’s very easy for us to go to one extreme or the other, we can go to the extreme of thinking it’s too big of a deal. And we can develop a certain fear of it or disgust or shame about it. And that’s not good. On the other hand, we can think that it’s no big deal, and we can be too loose and too adventurous about it. And then you don’t take it seriously enough, and then you can run into a lot of problems that way. And in general, human society has been ricocheting between those two extremes, pretty much throughout all history, our most recent swing toward the maybe two taking it too seriously. So side would be kind of in the Victorian times when people were very repressed and prudish. And they thought it was dirty and bad. And then, by the 20s, people started loosening up their attitudes, 30s, and 40s, the 50s all the men came back from the war, and then you had the 60s, and it swung over to the other extreme. And now when I film this video, we are living in a time that has swung very far on the not taking it seriously enough side of the spectrum. And we think sex is no big deal. And it’s just, it’s fun. It’s a form of sport. Sometimes people see it, sometimes they even have that attitude. And everybody’s doing it, and it’s healthy. And you’re weird if you’re not. And that’s not true, you want to have a balanced attitude about it. You don’t want to be too like you don’t want to think it’s bad. But then, on the other hand, you don’t want to have a two to adventurous attitude about it. Because sex does have consequences, it is a serious thing.

However, if you’re watching this, I would hope that you’re over 18. If you’re under 18, and you’re a kid, please turn this video off, like it’s too mature for you. And I would hope this is women watching this isn’t meant for men. So yeah, having said that, I’m going to say a few high-level things. When it comes to sex, you should talk to your parents, they’re the best people. You shouldn’t be taught, listening to random YouTubers, but I’m assuming those of you watching this, maybe don’t have parents that can discuss this with you. So we will at least say a few things about it because it is incredibly important to the dating process. And this is one of the big things men evaluate about you when they’re deciding to commit to you permanently. So if you’re looking to find if you want to permit a relationship you’re looking to get married. This is very important. This is one of the primary things men evaluate when they’re considering a wife. So we are going to say a few things about it. So like I said, feminine virtue, is a discreet way to talk about basically sexual behavior in immorality in that area. Men, there is age-old hypocrisy. There is an age-old battle of the sexes in this area, and Men will have a double standard about it, they think it’s fine for them to sleep with more people and the woman they’re considering. And there are a lot of reasons for this. It is an unfair double standard, God finds it equally offensive if a man or a woman sleeps together before they’re married, the sin is equally offensive. It’s not that oh, well, it’s not as much of a sin for men, but for women, it is. And, throughout history, people have behaved as if that was not the case. Women often get more societal centers, maybe when they fall in this area than men do.

But in general, in the eyes of God, this is considered equally wrong. So, but again, men have hypocrisy about this. And even it’s seen even nowadays if you talk to men, and they’ll be honest with you, a lot of them, there’s a term on the internet called body count, which is a very gruesome way to put it, but it means, how many men have you slept with, and a lot of men are, frankly, disgusted by high numbers in that area. And depending on the man, I mean, some men are so especially religious men, some of them are picky enough to where if you’re not a virgin, they, they don’t like that, which, again, is not fair, especially if the guy himself isn’t a virgin, he doesn’t have any room to be demanding that of a woman if he isn’t a virgin. But this is something to be aware of. Men will judge you harshly if you’ve slept with a lot of men. And this is something our society doesn’t tell women. And it is a huge injustice, it is huge, because a lot of women, there is a phrase, and when it was first told to me, it was told in a very vulgar way using a certain four-letter word, so I’m not gonna repeat it. But let me try to. Is there a way to say this without making it offensive? Alright, I’m just going to say never feel sorry for the body part. And this body part refers to a certain body part men have but this woman was talking to a group of women about dating and things like that. And she said, never feel sorry for this. In the end, what she meant was never feel sorry for a man, if he’s pressuring you to sleep with you and sleep with him. And he’s saying, Oh, I need this and all but Bah, she said, never feel sorry for this, because they’re not going to feel sorry for you afterward the next guy you meet, he’s not going to feel sorry for you about this, he will often not be happy about that. And again, Is this fair? No, it’s not. And not all men are like this.

A lot of men understand the times we live in, and they’re reasonable. And they know that not every woman they marry is going to be a virgin, times have changed. But if you are a virgin, I implore you to stay that way until you get married, if you are not a virgin, all is not lost. I implore you to not sleep with anyone, again, unless you’re married, it makes a lot of things easier. It makes a lot in life easier. But again, going back to what I said earlier, one of the biggest injustice is that our society is inflicting on women is we are teaching women that it is empowering and freeing to sleep with men before you’re married and rack up these high numbers, and then you’re like, well, I’m experienced, and I’m awesome. And then what happens is when these women get older, maybe their late 20s, early 30s, and they want to settle down. They’re meeting guys. And the guys are like, wow, you slept with that many women Oh, and then they don’t want to commit to them. And it is an injustice because women are doing what men have been pressuring and asking us to do. Men have a huge role in this. This is why when guys get all caught up on like body count and how many women they’ve slept with, it is hypocritical because a lot of these men have slept with just as many if not more, and collectively speaking as a whole men in general, women don’t sleep with men, usually with if they’re not pressured, or they’re not asked, it’s usually the guy that wants to have sex before the girl so she is usually giving into a request he’s making. Now I’m not saying there aren’t exceptions. There are plenty of girls that initiate the first sexual encounter and in the relationship. I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, but in general, and it is, it is so common that there are plenty of jokes about it. Everybody knows this. Most of the time when people sleep together, it’s usually The man that initiated and asked for it first, he’s usually ready for that sooner than the woman is. And again, this is why it’s an injustice because society doesn’t tell women that these men that are, begging and pleading with you, sometimes men can, they will use ridicule, to usually they’re either going to take the sweet approach or the sour approach, the sweet approach is they act they take you on great dates, they say nice things, they try to shower you with love, and they try to make everything so wonderful that of course, you’d want to sleep with them, it would be weird not to, or they take the sour approach, what I call the sour approach.

And they put you down in very subtle ways, they ridicule you, they make snide little comments, they may pressure you, they may physically try to force you, in varying levels of intensity, sometimes guys can, maybe the way they grab your arm or the way they, they force you to hug them or something, there are certain things men do. But in general, they can take multiple approaches. But in general, it’s usually not in your best interest, there is a huge risk for that. So anyway, enough about the hypocrisy, another objection that often comes up with this, when people are talking about, saving sex for marriage, people will say, we shouldn’t do that, because sex is a human need, it’s a physical need. If you’re not having sex, then there’s something wrong with you, either psychologically, or physically or both. It’s not healthy, and you’re going to get sick, either mentally or physically. If you’re not having sex, that is a lie. That is not that’s not true. And here’s why. If you study anatomy, if you’re a medical student or something, you’ll know this, how many systems in the body are there, there’s 11, you have the digestive system, you have the nervous system, you have the endocrine system, you have the immune system, so many systems in the body.

And yes, of course, you have the reproductive system. So 11 systems in the body, out of all these systems in the body, there’s the only one that if you stopped using it, you would die. If you didn’t use your immune system, you would die even depending on which system it is, it takes more or less time for you to die, but you will eventually die. If you don’t use your digestive system, you’ll die. If you don’t use your immune system, you die. If you don’t use your endocrine system, you die, the only system in the body that you can stop using and you won’t die is the reproductive system. So that is proof on a medical and a scientific level. That Yes, you can go without sex and be fine. Certain people know, it’s not good to go without sex for the rest of your life that’s why God instituted marriage so that there was a proper context for it. But in general, you can go a few years or a couple of decades without it, and you’ll be fine. So, people need to keep that in mind. Another thing, there is another old wisdom in a phrase that we don’t use anymore, because it’s a little, it’s a little harsh. But back in the day, people used to say, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. So there are a lot of situations where men will lose their motivation to continue pushing the relationship toward commitment if you sleep with them. Have you ever heard of the woman who or maybe this was you, you live, you move in with a guy, you start dating, you become active in the bedroom and you start your move in together? And you guys cohabit for years and years and years. And it’s been like seven years, and he still hasn’t popped the question. Well, he got comfortable.

Sex is an extremely motivating thing for men and the attainment of sexual gratification that’s very motivating for men. And if you give it up too soon, then they lose their motivation. And there’s no longer any reason to continue making the effort to push the relationship forward. And then also make that effort to commit to each other when we get married, because getting married, that’s, that’s hard for men, they have to give up their freedom, things like that. So, again, men and women are different, for us, sex increases our motivation, it makes us want to make this relationship work even more. That is why there’s no safe sex. There are only safe conditions within which you have sex. And, God, in His wisdom has said that the only safe, truly safe condition is within a good marriage. The man loves you. He’s already proved himself. He’s made that public commitment to you. So if children come from this, you’re supported and there’s stuff in place for this and men know that there’s a lot of bonding that happens and women will often bond more. And again, that motivation to keep the relationship going keeps stronger harmony, and women that it is for men the sex, and a lot of bad men know that. And that’s why they will often pressure a girl into sex, because they know afterward, the rest of the relationship, she’s going to be more compliant and more accommodating.

Because she doesn’t want to rock the boat, she’s invested so much in this guy, she’s given him her body. And it’s like, she doesn’t want to lose that investment, she doesn’t want to lose what she’s put into the sky. And so yeah, then women can be very anxious to keep the relationship going and keep it together. And because of that, they’ll make certain compromises that hurt the quality of the relationship. And, bad men know this, good men, they, they’re eager to prove themselves, they want to make you happy. But there are men out there that they know, women become more compliant after sex. And that can often be part of the reason they want to sleep with you, it’s not always just simple physical lust. Sometimes there’s a little bit of psychological strategy there.

So that’s something to be aware of. Now, having said this, I’ve gone through a lot of negative reasons. There are good men out there, there are situations where the guy loves his girlfriend, they do go on to get married, he’s a good guy, I don’t want to make this very, like the battle of the sexes like, oh, us versus them, hold out on sex. It’s not about that, it’s ultimately about there is a moral, there’s a moral reason to this. And, I’ve given a lot of the practical reasons about it, because God gives rules because he has reasons for it. And I’ve given some of the reasons here. However, having said that premarital sex is a lot like Russian Roulette, you can put, it’s like having a gun with like 10 chambers for a bullet and you put in four bullets, and then you’ve got six empty chambers, and you spin that and shoot it, you do have a chance of coming out okay with it. But it’s a risk, you know, some of these women, yes, you’re gonna see women like, well, she slept with her boyfriend. And, you know, they still went on to get married, it worked out okay, for her. That’s true. You know, and again, you spin that gun chamber and you shoot it? Yeah, dude, you can come out, okay, you put the gun to your head. Yeah, it doesn’t always, you know, it doesn’t always send a bullet in you.

But again, it’s a huge risk. And many for every woman that did get by, okay, there are loads of women that didn’t. So again, it is a risk. But having said that, the ultimate reason is, you know, this is not pleasing to God, he made our sexuality, he has a right to say how we use it. He says, don’t use it outside of marriage. So we do have to honor that we are His creatures, you can get into a situation where you have a wonderful guy, he loves you. And yeah, they’re oftentimes the only reason to not have sex with a guy can come down to Well, God says it’s wrong. He’s a good guy. I know, he’s not exploiting me, he loves me, we’re talking about getting married, everything’s in place, everything’s good, you can get into that situation. And that’s where sometimes the moral reason is the only one. But again, whoever you are watching this, you’re an adult, it’s your life, you can do what you want. But I do urge you to save sex for marriage. And I’ve given some of the practical reasons and then I’ve given the moral reason, obviously the one about God because God does have rights.

We talk a lot about human rights. But we fail to remember if every person has rights, which we all agree, every person has rights. Well, God is a person and he has rights to and he has the right to say, when we should have sex so food for thought, again, this is not a fun video to make. This is a very unpopular topic. But again, we cannot talk about having a good dating life and a good relationship and finding the right guy, if we dance around this issue of premarital sex, it is something that comes up so it is something we kind of need to talk about. So anyway, food for thought. I hope that’s helpful. And if you have any questions, leave a comment again. Sex is it’s hard to talk about without going to one extreme or the other and misunderstandings are common. So if you have a question, feel free to leave a comment but other than that, that is the first video in our goodness series.