Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we are going to do the final video in our beauty, truth and goodness series. All good things must come to an end. And this series is no different. I didn’t think it would take this long. It’s taken a few months to post everything. But yeah, this is the final video. So the topic we’re going to talk about today is don’t chase a man. And this is part of the goodness series.

FIRST: REJECTION

Chasing a man is counterintuitive, you’re gonna think it’ll make a guy like you more, but it’s actually going to kind of backfire on you. I’m going to give a few reasons why you shouldn’t chase a guy. Obviously, you’re an adult, and you can do what you want. But here’s just my two cents on it. For what it’s worth. Okay, So reason number one rejection. Nobody likes rejection. And I have to say, for us women, rejection messes with us in a way that doesn’t, it doesn’t do that to men. Now, I am sure the men are all gonna, all you lurkers know, there’s a lot of you men that lurk on my channel and watch my videos, even though this is a girl’s channel.

And I know you’re probably going to come in the comments and be like, no, no rejection, it’s so hard on us to blah, blah, blah. No, it’s different for us women, the more rejections we get from men, the more it tears down our self esteem. Have you ever known a girl who was maybe very forward? Maybe one of your friends was really forward? And she was always making moves on guys and things like that? Did you ever observe how over time she started doing more and more, like, degrading things, maybe she started hooking up with a bunch of guys when she said she would never do that. And she just kind of started losing herself respect, this is part of us women. I don’t know if it’s because we’re more people oriented, or what, but there’s something that dies inside us when we get rejected by a man we really care about. And most of us women, just the way we are, we’re not going to chase a guy unless we really care about them.

Guys are a little different. They’re more like the numbers thing. If you ask out enough women, eventually one of them says yes, women aren’t like that. And so it’s harder, it literally damages our self esteem to be getting rejected by guys. And so I implore you don’t put yourself in that situation. If a guy wants you, he’ll pursue you. He won’t make you have to sit there and wonder like, Should I call him maybe, just don’t put yourself in that situation. Now, an argument to that can be made if it’s so hard on us? Well, that’s not anything unique to women. That’s just rejection in general. And men have to go through it too. And so who cares? Like we’re equal? Now? Why should men take all the risk of the rejection, blah, blah, blah, here’s what I say to that, I would argue that rejection is not the same for men and women. And going back to what I said earlier, I would use the example of, you know, look at girls, observe the evolution of their self esteem, the more they went around chasing guys, I can almost guarantee you it went in the toilet. Whereas for men, the more they get rejected, the more it kind of lights a fire in them, and is like, Okay, well, I got to start working out, I got to get my life together. I don’t want these women rejecting me, like for men, it kind of fires them up. And so it’s a different effect.

And the other thing about that is the whole Oh, well, we’re equal, both genders should equally shoulder the responsibility of rejection. No, I don’t think that’s true. And we’re going to discuss more reasons why I don’t think that’s true. And so we’re going to go straight into.

SECOND: TO BE CHERISHED

Reason number two, us women have a psychological need to be cherished. I know in our society, we use the word love in relationships, us women will often ask our man, do you love me?” If he does something that we think is inconsiderate of us, we will often get upset and accuse him and go, You don’t love me, you don’t love me. And I would argue that we need to change our understanding of that term, and we need to start thinking we need to stop aiming for love in a man and I think we need to aim for being cherished. Because that’s really what’s behind that. When you as a woman are feeling cherished. He loves you. And now if you look up the definition of the term cherish for those of you that don’t know, cherish means to treat something as valuable, something that you don’t want to lose. That’s the definition of cherish: it’s to hold onto something and not want to lose it. And that’s cherish. And I would argue that that’s what women are really after. When they say, Oh, you don’t love me, we want to be cherished, we want this guy to view us as something valuable, that he doesn’t want to lose, there’s an element of fear to it, like, we want him to be a little worried about losing us.

Now, obviously, you don’t want to be manipulative and deliberately cause trauma. But and I think sometimes when women do cause drama, and things like that, I do think what’s behind it is they have a desire to feel cherished, and they’re trying to evoke that in their man, albeit in a clumsy, uneffective way, being cherished us women, we need to feel cherished in the relationship, we need to feel like this guy values and appreciates us.

And would be sad, if we were gone, we need to feel that in order to be happy in a relationship, if we don’t feel cherished, the opposite of that is feeling kind of insecure and anxious. And oh, well, it’s been like three days, and he hasn’t texted me. But, he’s really busy. And, you know, that’s not being cherished. That’s the opposite of being cherished as women, it’s different.

Men, it’s different. They need different things from a woman in order to be happy in a relationship, us women, we need to be cherished, and you are not going to feel cherished. If you’re the one doing all the chasing, you know, how will you ever know that this guy’s afraid of losing you, if you never see him, reach out with a text, if he hasn’t heard from you or ask you out on a date, if it’s been, you know, a week or two, since you guys saw each other, you know, you see him making those efforts to initiate, you know, bringing you into his life somehow, you know, you see them make those efforts. And then that reassures you of oh, he’s afraid to lose me, he values me, because he’s making these efforts.

He’s risking this rejection, and then you feel cherished and secure in the relationship. Well, that dynamic is impossible to play out if you’re chasing a guy. So again, chasing backfires. You know, in the short term, you may feel reassured because you guys are back in contact, but you’re still going to have that nagging insecurity, because you’re going to know like, I don’t know, if he cherishes me, I’m the one that’s worried about losing him, I’m the one reaching out, I’m not seeing that behavior in him, you know, so that’s another one.

THIRD: EVALUATE A GUY IN HIS INTEREST

The third one, you know, we have to evaluate a guy in his interest in us. You know, especially in the beginning of a relationship, we have to sit back and see, does this guy really love me? You know, does he really care about me? Is he interested in me as a person? Or is he just interested in me as like a hot body basically not to be like, vulgar, but yeah. And so you can’t see that if you are busy chasing the guy, you can’t evaluate a guy the person chasing is actually not the one in control. The influencing party here is the one being chased, the one who’s receiving and this is not a gender thing, you know, both genders, men and women will be more attracted to someone who seems unavailable. That’s just human psychology. And so the person who is doing the chasing is actually not the influencer. It’s the person being chased.

And so if you want to see how this guy tries to influence you, and how he tries to kind of prove himself to you, you’re not going to see that, again, that this is another dynamic that can’t play out. If you’re chasing the guy, turn the tables, but it’s an injustice that we tell girls nowadays, like, oh, yeah, it’s empowering to chase men. Yeah, you should call them first. This is the 21st century. No, you shouldn’t. And as a sub point to this, you also have to evaluate how masculine this guy is, you know, is he a wimp? Like, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. You know, our Lord said it in the Bible, He that is faithful in the small things is going to be faithful in the big things. So if this guy can’t even pick up the phone to text you or call you, or ask you out, how is he going to do bigger things? You know, if you marry him, how is he going to, you know, protect you and any children you have, you know, how’s he going to take the initiative to make sure you guys are financially stable, that you have a good household and that you live in a good area? You know, how is he going to be, you know, how’s he going to solve those problems? If he can’t even solve the problem of finding a life partner without your help, you know, so that’s another reason you can’t evaluate this guy’s masculinity and how much initiative he can take and you know, how he reacts to challenges in life.

If you’re going to take away the challenge of him trying to get to know you, you know, if you’re chasing him, you’re removing that challenge, and you’re not going to get good data, so to speak, on what kind of a person he is.

FOURTH: REASON

So the final rule, it’s not a rule, it’s more a reason, final reason, we need to give men space to figure out on their own, whether they like us or not. And this is another reason why I am chasing. Now, again, it’s okay, I want to make it clear here that you don’t have to be like a total ice queen, you know, and, like, ignore his text for three days. You know, like some three day rule. Like, that’s stupid. Obviously, if a man is, you know, taking the initiative to, you know, walk up to you, smile, be friendly, you know, you don’t have to be like, Oh, I’m gonna be cold and uninterested, you know, you know, be warm and welcoming. But, you know, let him make the effort to start the conversation or start texting or calling, you know, but when he does be friendly, be receptive, there’s nothing wrong with that. But the other thing, though, is when you’re chasing a guy, we’re not giving guys space to figure out if they like us.

Men are not as in touch with their emotions as we are, we we don’t always know how we feel because its feelings are very complicated, and we get confused sometimes. But men have a much harder time with it than we do. For the most part, we usually know how we feel that we’re upset about something why we’re upset about it, men. It’s usually like, there’s all these feelings. I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m mad. I’m not sure. Somebody, obviously, there’s certain basic things that men understand are not complete, like retards. But there are a lot of emotional complexities when you fall in love with someone and when you’re dating, and you’re trying to discern who’s going to be a good life partner. And also men have something working against them that we women don’t, men have a very strong sex drive, and that can often cloud their vision and cloud their motivations. And so it can be hard for men to be like, do I like this girl? Or do I just think she’s hot. And that’s not something us women have to contend with. And so it can be hard for us to relate to that, because that’s not our experience. And so when you chase a guy, sometimes, especially if you’re hooking up with him, it’s nearly impossible for him to figure out whether he likes you, or if he just enjoys getting laid, so when you don’t chase them in, you give him the space to figure out if he really likes you.

Because when you’re not around, you’re not texting, you’re not calling, then he can kind of notice that and go, Oh, well, I kind of miss her. I liked talking to her like, Hmm, that was our date that and then he gets thinking, like, our date a couple days ago, like, that was fun. She’s a cool girl. Oh, I think maybe, maybe I’ll text her like, I don’t know, maybe she’s talking to some other dude. I hope not, and it gives guys a chance to kind of, like, get the emotional wheels turning and figure out, yeah, you know, like, I kind of, I like that girl, like, I kind of want to hear from her again. But if you’re constantly, chasing him and not giving him a chance to miss you, and you’re not leaving that gap there, then he never gets a chance, like to experience that he never feels like he misses you feeling like you miss someone is a huge aspect of knowing, especially in the beginning, that’s a huge sign like, oh, yeah, I kind of like this person. So if you’re chasing a guy, you’re not giving him space to  feel that he misses you and kind of feel that tension. And then, he never really can be sure about it. So that’s, that’s important and it’s like this throughout the whole life of the relationship.

You should not be nagging him to get married or nagging whatever the next step in the relationship is, you shouldn’t have to be like nagging and back leading. And yeah, yeah, like, guys have to be given the space to figure this stuff out on their own, and decide for themselves that that’s what they want to do. You don’t want to nag and push a guy into a relationship with you. Like, that’s not, that’s not going to be good, and both of you are going to feel unhappy about that, even if you did, like end up marrying this guy, he’s gonna feel resentful. He’s gonna feel like he was manipulated into something. And then and like his freedom was kind of curtailed a little bit. Men are very big on their freedom.

And secondly, you as the woman, you’re not going to feel cherished, you’re going to be like, Why don’t you buy me flowers? Why don’t you do this? Why aren’t you romantic? Well, you didn’t give them a chance to be romantic. You kind of close that gap too quickly. And then also, maybe he just doesn’t feel romantic about you, maybe there wasn’t enough attraction to have that excellent relationship you wanted. And so instead, you’re both settling for a mediocre relationship. because you didn’t want to deal with the tension and the uncertainty. i It’s a little harsh, but sorry, I had to say it. So anyways, that’s some food for thought. I know, this is kind of a hard video to hear. Because we’ve all been there, myself included, we’ve really liked a guy, and we’ve noticed he wasn’t really pursuing us. And so we often try to move things along by ourselves. And it doesn’t work. If you try to breathe life into a dead relationship. All you get is a zombie. Seriously, but anyways, if you have any questions or comments, let me know. leave a comment below. Subscribe, do all the things and yeah, so that’s that and have a good day.