Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, we’re gonna continue our series on goodness. And we’re gonna talk about what I was going to call it feminine dependency, but I think it’s better termed accepting help from men. So this is another area that is super important in dating because it is very fundamental to what attracts men to us in a deeper way. And that is what makes them want to stick around. And that is the ability to be needed and to feel useful from so men want to feel useful to you, obviously, as women, there’s plenty of stuff we can do on our own, like, this is not the 50s it’s important to let a man help you with something or let him provide something for you. If he wants to bring you takeout, or he wants to buy you something, just let him men love to do that. It gives them a feeling of manliness to be able to help you with something like they love that it’s like a feather in their cap. Now, this is different for us women, because we want to help too. But it can often lead to a sense of feeling like a martyr, I feel like a swimmer, we don’t have an off switch to where we can be like, Okay, I have given enough, I’m done. We just give, give, give till it hurts. And I think sometimes we can think that men are the same way. And we can kind of be a little hesitant to accept their help and think, Oh, well, maybe he’ll resent me if I need his help too much. Or maybe if I asked him for help, like, he’s not gonna like that. But men are different from us.

They do have an off switch for that men will get to a point where they’re like, okay, I’ve done too much giving, I’m gonna back off. And that’s why sometimes you can ask a man for something, he’ll say no. And you’re like, Oh, and then it can be kind of weird, because you’re like, well, I heard men like to be helpful. And I asked for help. And they said, No, it depends on a few things, you may have just caught them at a bad time. And like I said, maybe he was exhausted that day. And it was just, it was bad timing. Another thing too is the way you ask for something while we’re on this subject of men like to help, it is important on how you ask for that help. You don’t want to ask for it in an accusatory way. So let’s say this is not relevant to single women, this is more relevant, like, say, if you’re married, and you guys live together, let’s say he’s offered to take out the trash every few days. And up until now, he’s been great. And he always does that. But then let’s say that he hasn’t done it and the trash is piling up and you’re getting frustrated, if you go to him, and you’re like, you never take out the trash anymore. Can you please take it out and you’re like upset, then it’s gonna kind of like put them on the spot and turn it into like a confrontation, a better way to go about it is to, basically just be like, bring up show him the problem, just be like, Hey, would you mind emptying the trash? It’s been piling up, and it’s making the kitchen smell bad.

That’s a different conversation from the one previously, that puts it on it. It’s a different dynamic. And it’s important to say, Would you please do this? Or do you mind doing this? Or is it okay? If we do blah, blah, blah, because you want to ask respectfully, just as you want a man to ask you and respectfully talk to you, like men want that to you want it to be a question, not an accusation, and oftentimes, if you just tell him in what the problem is, the trash is piling up, and it’s kind of it’s making things stink really bad, then he’ll be like, Oh, sorry, I forgot, so it’s kind of like that. And again, men like to be helpful. there is one of the biggest problems with feminism right now, is, there is a very strong tendency of us women to loudly declare that we don’t need a man, like, this is 2021 I don’t need a man, I can get my own money and I can get this and it’s like, well, you have to understand that that is incredibly alienating to men, especially men in a way that you would want to see you romantically because men do not approach we have talked about this so many times on this channel. Men do not approach relationships the way we do with us. It’s about the being and the love and the connection, and just the experience, men. It’s more utilitarian like they’re coming to this relationship with a goal and their goal. Every guy’s goal in a relationship is with the woman he loves.

I mean, obviously, if you’re just like a one night stand, the goal is completely different. But if you’re a woman that he sees as having long term potential, somebody that he is or wants to commit to, or is considering committing to, His goal is going to be different, His goal is literally to make you happy. And one of the ways men think they achieve that goal, and often they do achieve that goal. And reality is they want to be useful to you, they want to do things for you. So, when you’re on a date, they like to be the one driving, they want to plan a restaurant that they think you’ll like, or, they want to take you on a date, like, let’s say it’s an amusement park, they want to take you to the rides that they think you’re going to be most happy with, they want to please you really they do. And men get an enormous sense of accomplishment and pride, and a feeling of importance, if they can make the woman of their choice happy, if they do things for her, and she smiles knows, Wow, thank you, I really appreciate that. It makes them so happy.

They really love that. And this is so central to a relationship, and also central to the happiness of the guy in a relationship and how he evaluates if this is the right relationship for him, he wants to feel needed. And so if you take that feeling away from him, and you don’t really accept his help in anything, he’s not going to feel much of an attraction for you, because he’s not going to feel like he’s really doing anything useful. He’s gonna be like, I don’t know why she dates me, like, I don’t do anything to make her life better. Like, I don’t feel needed here. This is what this is where men will often say, like, have you ever gotten in a fight with your boyfriend, and he was like, I don’t feel like you need me, then that’s kind of what this is about, Men need to feel needed, they need to feel like they’re contributing something to the partnership that you can’t get on your own. This is why careers can be such a hot-button topic and why there’s been so much debate about whether when you’re married, should you have a career, should you be a stay-at-home wife or whatever, obviously, the economic situation varies. But in general, men want to feel like they’re contributing something. And often the easiest way, and most men view it as the most important way is contributing financially.

Now, again, the economic situation is different, sometimes men will contribute less than the woman, whatever. But in general, yeah, men can attach a lot of importance on at least being able to provide for you adequately, maybe the wife still has a part-time job, but the husband is still contributing financially. And that’s really important to him to be able to do that. Because then he’s like, well, I’m providing for her, I’m making her life easier, I’m making it so she doesn’t have to, like commute and traffic and put up with a crappy boss, I’m saving her from all those problems, in a sense, he’s rescuing her from that problem. And then that frees her up to maybe stay home with the kids have a part-time job, maybe that she pursues because it’s work she enjoys, not necessarily work, she has to take, to pay bills, for those of you that have careers or have jobs, there’s a lot of the time where you have had to take jobs simply because they paid enough and not because it was something you had a passion for. We all want to like, follow our bliss and do work you love and you weren’t working, you won’t work a day in your life. And honestly, that’s not economically realistic.

A lot of the time, a lot of us have to take jobs because we have to, and we have bills, and men often see that and they want to alleviate that problem. And so, if they feel they can contribute financially, then they feel that they’ve solved that problem for you. And then at that point, if you don’t have to worry about money like you can get a part-time job, like I said, something you enjoy Now, again, with the way our economy is, not everybody has that luxury, having a husband provide everything for them, but it’s kind of what I’m doing is I’m using that as an example to kind of illuminate the point I’m making here that, men, they like to feel needed, and it is very crucial to their, wanting to stay in a relationship. That’s one of the things they evaluate. Does this woman need me? Am I successful in making her happy?

Do I feel like she appreciates and needs what I give, if he doesn’t feel like that, then there’s not going to be like that glue between you guys. Have you ever had relationships or maybe you were dating someone and you were trying to start over? relationship, or there was it was like a situation ship, and you just didn’t feel that glue. There was just nothing holding them there. You just kind of felt like he could float off at any moment or, if you weren’t the one texting like Yeah, he didn’t really, he didn’t really text himself, there just wasn’t that glue holding you guys together and there are multiple factors on that glue. But one of the biggest factors of that is that feeling of need.