Welcome to Thomistic womanhood In today’s video, we’re going to continue the goodness series, these are all the qualities that men find attractive in women we want to be awesome women in our own right, not necessarily for a guy, but it does, it does help to know what you’re dealing with, in some ways to maximize your success.

So we’re going to talk today about something I’m calling feminine sympathy. And we talked a little bit in the last video about admiration and how men want somebody who they can converse with, and they can feel understood by and admired by, and this one’s a little different. So this is not when he’s telling you a story of him being a victory. This is him when he’s telling you about the loss when he failed at something or he or it’s not going well, or he thinks he might feel feminine sympathy. There is a way to give sympathy to a guy that is very different from the sympathy we women want. Normally, when we are upset about something, women give a very nurturing form of sympathy, oh, it’s okay. Like both men don’t like that kind of sympathy that they want. And that’s effective. Because how many times have you said something to like a man in your life, and you wanted him to feel better, something bad was happening to him, and you wanted him to feel better, but you said something that you thought was very kind and nurturing. And he just like, it deflated him, you know? Or he just was like, Wow, thanks. It just totally didn’t have the intended effect.

This is what I’m talking about, here’s what to say. So that he does feel better about it. And again, to know kind of how to address it, you have to understand the fundamental thing that upsets men, and what upsets men is feeling like a failure, feeling like they somehow don’t measure up. And so that’s why when men face a challenge in life, or maybe they failed at something, it feels awful, because it’s kind of like confirmation, their worst fear, like, Oh, I’m not good enough. Dang it. And so when you want to give sympathy to a man, you want to do it in a very feminine, gentle way. And it’s not even like a feminine way. It’s what I call an effective way because men give this kind of sympathy to each other instinctively. So what I mean is to get to the point, you want to express your belief in their ability.

So the same things like, Oh, you got this or, if it’s something where he’s worried he might fail. And it’s like, it’s failure isn’t imminent, it hasn’t happened yet, but he’s just he’s facing a challenge, saying things like, let’s say, he has to run a marathon The next day, and he’s a little worried, like, he might not be able to pull it off, you can just express belief in his ability, think back to all the things that make him qualified to do this. Well, honey, you’ve been training for this for a long time, like your body’s in shape for this, like, you’re ready like you got this or things in general, maybe he’s afraid he can’t close a sales call. Well, you’ve got a great personality and you’re very knowledgeable about the product. You can do this like you got this telling a guy you got this is like music to their ears. Like they want somebody to remind them like, yeah, you can do this, you can do this. They want that encouragement, you got this like you can handle this, or I think you’re capable of it.

Now, to us, women. That sounds a little dismissive, doesn’t it? Especially what I just said, like, Oh, I think you can handle it. In a way, if you kind of minimize the worry and be like, you can handle this. Like you’ve done this kind of stuff before. Like you’ll be fine to us, women that can sound a little dismissive, but to men, it can sound helpful. They’re like, Oh, she’s not worried about it. Like, oh, she’s kind of blowing it off. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I must be capable of doing it because she’s not even worried. Like, okay, but if you do the opposite, and you’re like, Oh, my gosh, you’re right. Yeah, that is kind of a big marathon. Yeah, well, I mean, you did do all that extra that can make him feel worse. Because if you sit there and listen and go, Oh my gosh, yeah, you’re right. Well, then he’s gonna take that as oh my gosh, maybe I really can’t pull it off.

Look at how worried she’s getting, and so that’s why with men, you don’t want to freak out about the problem, just express belief in their capability, and their competence, and their ability to get it handled. Don’t sit there and like psych out about it and go You’re right, that is a big problem. I get I don’t know, man. I’m not gonna lie. I’m a little worried, too. that’s the absolute worst thing you want to say, But again, yeah, just things like you got this blah, blah, blah. However, on the other hand, if he has failed, let’s say he got fired from his job, or, he did the sales call and he didn’t get the sale, failure, it’s not looming on the horizon, it has happened he’s not just psyching out about something in the future like it has happened.

In that case, you want to kind of, again, minimize the problem, by pointing out how common it is, honestly, it happens to the best of us think of a famous salesperson, I think Zig Ziglar was like the super famous salesperson, and you can just tell him like, Well, even he lost some sales calls, like what maybe he got fired from his job, think of famous people who got fired from their job, Tim Ferriss got fired from his job, one of the first jobs he ever had, he got fired from it. And he’s an amazing, like, millionaire now. And he’s gone on to be very successful, yeah, so point out like, Well, many successful people got fired, like, this does not reflect on your abilities like they didn’t understand your capabilities, they didn’t appreciate you and like, now you’re freed up to go somewhere, for people who will understand and appreciate what you bring to the table. It’s things like that you want to make it out like, well, they fired you, like, they don’t know what they’re doing that was stupid of them to do that, or, oh, that you didn’t close the sales call? Well, I don’t know what that prospect was thinking. Like, they’re gonna regret it, you’re showing belief. It’s kind of like loyalty, you want to be loyal to him and just be like, Well, those people that did that bad thing, like they don’t, they’re dumb, I don’t know what possessed them to do that you’re qualified, blah, blah, blah, now you have to be sincere about it if deep down, you don’t think he was qualified to work that job, then don’t sit there and go, Well, you were qualified because you’re lying.

But you can say, well, this frees you up to work somewhere that is a better fit. And that the skills you bring to the table will be appreciated, because let’s be real, maybe he didn’t have the skills for that job. But he does bring some skills to the table. So he can now go somewhere else where those other skills will be appreciated, so like, you’re not technically lying. So again, you want to emphasize that you’re still a great man, great men have failed. And so it’s not an indictment on you, that’s the underlying message you want to send when you’re trying to live like that, that effective sympathy, like, it’s called the feminine sympathy, but I, I kind of call it effective sympathy, because in my, in my point of view, when I’m sympathizing with someone, my goal is for them to feel better about themselves or feel better about what happened. And yeah, with men, this is the way and if you listen to how men consoling each other in a situation, there’ll be like, let’s say, it’s a sports game and the sky like he threw the football and he didn’t make the touchdown or whatever, or it just he’s the man that like, Dude that that ref call was wack. Like, don’t even man don’t even worry about it. It was stupid, like, they’ll blame something else in the environment. And yeah, it’s kind of a way of deflecting, Well, look, dude, that would have happened to anybody, like, we were playing for, like overtime, like 20 minutes, like everybody was tired, you know?

So again, that’s kind of how that works. Anyways, that’s how to give sympathy to a man in such a way that he doesn’t feel like a mother. You don’t want to treat him like this helpless little boy, like, Oh, my gosh, something bad happened to you. That’s treating him like he’s a little kid. Just be like you got this, like, Who cares? If that happened, like, you’re just going to, you’re gonna do so much better next time. Like, who cares? It’s a learning experience. I know, you can do it, like, whatever that was a fluke. You kind of has to show that loyalty. And that unshakable belief in his competence you have to believe that he’s capable. And again, if you’re dating a guy, and he keeps running into these, like failure situations, and you’re having a hard time, you know, being loyal and believing in Him, maybe you’re with the wrong guy, he really is maybe he’s got some learning and growing up to do and maybe it’s not time for him to have a girlfriend or a woman in his life, you got to kind of back off and let him figure out life on his terms by himself. Maybe he’s not mature enough.

So that’s also kind of a little sidebar there’s something to keep in mind. If Yeah, if you’re like, Look, I’m trying to be sympathetic, but like, he just keeps hitting the wall. Well, maybe he’s not ready for a girlfriend, maybe he’s got to develop his life a little bit more. And men got to do that on their own. That is not something that a woman can do for a man. They got to kind of figure it out on their own. But anyway, so yeah, that’s the section on sympathy. I hope that was helpful.