Welcome to Thomistic Womanhood. In today’s video, I am going to discuss social media and dating, and also kind of throw in a little bit about the archetypes as well and how that relates to this. I did get a viewer comment, and she was asking about this. So as I was typing out a reply, I thought, you know, this is kind of a broader topic. And I feel like a quick comment might not do it justice, I feel like there’s like more I needed to say in a video to be good. And secondly, I figured this was a broad enough topic that it was going to be useful to like all of you watching, so I decided to make a video about it. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

So basically, to recap a little bit, somebody came to one of my videos, I’m not gonna mention her name, I’m gonna kind of protect people’s privacy a little bit. But she was asking about how, you know, social media suppresses the Madonna side? And just to give you a quick recap, I made a video back when I started this channel about the four archetypes and I believe that there are four archetypes. I know there are some courses and things like that will tell you there are like seven of them. But I think that there are four main ones. And this is based on Carl Jung’s one of his students, she kind of cracked the code on archetypes for women. And she divided them into four. And I think she’s right. I agree with that. Now to explain the other archetypes, you know why there can be like seven sometimes, I think those are just blends of other archetypes. Like for example — the four main archetypes are the mother, the companion, the Madonna, and then the Amazon. And I think, for example, if somebody says, Oh, well, there’s a, you know, there’s a queen archetype. That’s the fifth archetype. I don’t know, I think that’s debatable. I think the queen is a combination of the mother and the Amazon. And so I think there can be blends. And I think sometimes people see those blends so commonly, that they, you know, over and over throughout history and, and stories and things like that. I think sometimes they start to think that there’s, you know, more than there’s more than four, but again, this is just my opinion.

So anyways, I will reference archetypes in this. And just to recap, the Madonna archetype is the one that stands for values, wisdom, reflection, you know, inner transformation, understanding how the world works, you know, the Madonna has the deeper side of us. The Amazon is, you know, just as it sounds, she’s the go-getter, she’s the warrior. She has that masculine energy, you know, she just goes after what she wants. The mother is as it sounds, the nurturing one, the caregiving one, you know, she thinks of other people as people pleaser tendencies can sometimes come from the mother. You know, it’s the side of us that wants to take care of people, you know. And then the companion, I’m calling it like the companion, the geisha kind of, you know, person that is the aspect of ourselves that connects with men. You know, it’s our flirtatious aspect. It’s us, it’s our ability to understand men and want to be around them. A lot of our sex drive can be kind of involved in this archetype. So that’s just a quick rundown on what the four are.

So basically, the question was, do you think that social media suppresses the Madonna side? Because our photos can be seen everywhere and some people show their lifestyle? And then you know, I replied and I said, Yeah, I do think it does because Madonna is that deeper part of us and social media is very shallow and you know, kind of like urgent. And she kind of asked a follow-up question, and this follow-up question is what I want to make the video about. She said, okay, and basically, some dating coach told her that you shouldn’t share your social media with a man because he sees all your photos. It’s going to suppress the Madonna side and then he won’t fall in love with you. And so she was asking, Will a man fall in love with me if he sees my photos? And she’s making the point. Like, there are a lot of celebrity women that men see photos of them all the time and they find love.

So this is this whole concept of giving men your social media, and does that mess up their love for you and things like that? That’s what I want to talk about in this video. So to answer your question, if you’re watching this, do you know who you are? The short answer is yes. Like, if he has photos of you, yes, he will still fall in love with you. However, it depends on what kind of photos those are. You know, we all know that celebrity women are notorious for having troubled love lives, and they divorce a lot. And you know, they get new boyfriends all the time. So they do have trouble keeping a life partner as a life partner, you know, they end up in a kind of a serial monogamy kind of thing. And I think, I think a lot of us on this channel that, you know, a lot of us viewers and our, our little like TW community, I think we’d all agree that that’s not what we want, you know, we’re looking for a husband, we’re looking for that permanent partner. And so while yes, you know, celebrities do that. They do post pictures of themselves.

Some of them are very, you know, racy pictures. It’s debatable whether they’re finding lasting love, you know. So the question, this brings us up into a bigger issue, you know, so we have to make a distinction when we’re talking about social media, we have to make a distinction about what kind of social media it is. And I’m going to group them into two broad categories, you’re going to have personal social media, which is like your Facebook profile, maybe a personal Twitter, where you talk about your thoughts, a personal Instagram, where you’re posting what you ate that day, your outfits, pictures of you with your friends, you know, it’s very personal, it’s about you and your life, then here’s what I’m going to call more like business-focused, or topic-focused social media, which is where you’re not really talking so much about you and your private personal life, you’re talking more about, you know, maybe you have a side hustle. And you know, you’re trying to promote your side hustle. And so you’re not talking about your day-to-day life, unless it somehow relates to your business, you know, or your side hustle, whatever you’re doing. Or maybe you’re like an artist, and you’re just posting pictures of your art, you know, or you’re, you know, again, going back to the side hustle, maybe you’re some sort of like, thought leader or life coach, and you’re just posting about your topic.

So those are two distinctions that need, I think, to be made when we discuss, you know, social media and how that’s going to impact your dating life. One of the things is, with men, I see, I don’t know if I necessarily disagree with this dating coach, because it depends on what kind of photos they are. Men are very, like, they fall in love a little more methodically than we do. When we fall in love. It’s like everything at once. You know, like our heart is involved.

Our sexuality is involved in everything when we fall in love with everything together at once, men are more compartmentalized. And so they fall in love kind of almost in a sequence, they have to get to know you as a person first. And then love the person and be in love with you as a person. And then the sex comes later. And the problem with photos and this might have been what your dating coach is getting at, I don’t know. But anyone who says you know, you shouldn’t, you know, you shouldn’t show revealing photos of yourself online, you know, that can stop men from falling in love with you. It can be because like I said, Men are sick, they’re sequential. And they are not designed the way we are. We can look at someone.

I don’t know how to explain it. But for us, men, they need to meet you and get to know you as a person. Before you put all the sexuality and stuff on the table. That clouds their judgment. Men have very high hormones, they have a very high sex drive. They’re different from us in this way. God made him this way for a reason, you know because men are supposed to be the initiators of relationships and starting families. And it’s a lot of work and effort and rejection and personal risk that goes into that. So it’s my firm belief that God gave men a very strong sex drive to motivate them to go out and find a woman and start families. Now obviously, in our modern society, that sex drive instincts are kind of being hijacked and they’re not being used. Just in their proper way there, they’re kind of abusing men sex driving away a lot of corporations and stuff, you know, they use hot women to sell beer and things like that.

So that can get kind of disordered. But at its heart, men are very driven, you know, by that. And so, again, it’s the way God made them, he did it that way for a reason. However, one of the drawbacks to that is that for us, women, if we are posting very revealing photos of ourselves, and again, I don’t know if that’s what this commenter was doing. You know, she may or may not have been, maybe she’s just posting, you know, pictures of drawings, maybe she’s an artist. But for those of you that are watching this, and you have social media accounts, and let’s say you have an Instagram account, or something worse, where you’re showing pictures of yourself in a very provocative, revealing way that is going to work against you.

And men, If they see that in the beginning, yes, it will impede their ability to fall in love with you, because they’re going to immediately compartmentalize you the way men do, and they’re gonna put you in the sex category, good for a fun time, they’re not going to put you in the potential wife category. Is it dumb that men do this? Yes. Is it fair? No. You know, is there a lot more to you than your body? And you should be able to show your body and not, you know, have an impact on man that way? Yeah, it should. But that’s not the way the world works. And it’s important to live your dating life and just life in general, according to how the world is not how we wish it would be. And so with men, yes, if you do post revealing photos of yourself online, that yeah, that can get in the way of finding love. And it can make men not take you seriously. And so that is when we’re in any discussion of social media and dating, that is a big one that needs to get brought up.

So if you’ve got, you know, social media accounts, clean them up, you know, get that stuff off of there. I don’t think this needs to be said, because most of my viewer community is, you know, most of us are like women of faith. And so you kind of know better about this, but in case you’re someone that just stumbled across this video randomly. Don’t have only fans, okay, like that. I shouldn’t have to even say that. But that is something that very, very much will work against you. I definitely when I dated my husband, he asked me, I think it was like our fourth or fifth date. He did ask me if I had one. And I was like, no. And then he started talking about what men think of only fans, girls, and it was, it was not flattering, it was not good. So you know if you have something like that, shut it down. It’s whoever told you it’s empowering to do. So anyways, social media, clean it up, you know, get rid of any provocative photos. If you have, you know, Instagram, stuff like that, get rid of that. And then also clean it up of other things, you know, whether this is a business or a personal social media account, get rid of anything gossipy or drama II, you know, men don’t like gossip and drama, you know, they’re going to judge you unfairly.

The bottom line of everything I’m saying is you want to clean up your account of anything that could portray you in an unfair light, you know, these men don’t know you. So they’re coming to your social media, they’re usually going to you know, when they want your social media, it’s usually when they first meet you. And so they may not know you that well and they can jump to wrong conclusions based on what they see there.

So that’s why I’m saying you know, clean it up. So yeah, nothing gossipy. Don’t get into you know, big fights with other women or things like that. And then also watch what you say about men about x’s, you know, x’s in particular, and just men in general, you know, don’t go into the whole you know, hashtag men in cages or men or trash or, you know, I don’t need a man or I’m, you know, I’m a strong, independent woman. I don’t know what’s wrong with men nowadays, blah, blah, blah. It’s fine to vent like that to your girlfriends. But do it off of some sort of internet platform where it’s going to be permanent and part of your record, you know, your online record. So clean up some of the negative comments about men.

If you went through a bad breakup and you were in a bad place, go through your you know, go through your time. timeline, go back into your archives and stuff and start cleaning up and hiding either hiding or deleting posts that have stuff that, you know, maybe you were mad at men when you were posting that. And so clean that stuff up.

So those are the three big things on your social media accounts, you want to clean up the revealing photos, drama, gossipy stuff, and then anything that, you know, could sound like man-bashing, or I don’t like men. Now, the other thing this brings up though, is when should you or should you ever give a guy your social media handles or information? I think that, like let’s say, let’s say you’re not posting revealing photos, I believe that it’s okay to give a guy your social media. But wait until you’ve gone on a few dates with him. And you know, he’s someone who can be trusted with that kind of information. Especially if it’s personal. If it’s like personal social media. Yeah, you should know him well. I’m thinking like four or five dates before you give him any, like personal social media info, or, you know, access if Facebook friend requests you like, don’t, I mean, unless you really have your privacy controls, like locked down, which let’s be real, most of us don’t. Yeah, like four or five dates. If you are more like a business topic-focused kind of person, then I’d say there’s a little more leeway on that maybe it’s after a couple of dates. But in general, men should wait to get to see your social media profiles.

It’s something that you know demonstrates your value, you know, you’re not going to give away information on yourself just because he wants it, you know. And so it’s important that you kind of see if he’s going to be the kind of person to like sticks around in your life. Because also, you don’t want a ton of guys on your Facebook friend list or wherever else followers on your Instagram, kind of just watching your everyday life, if they only went on, like one date with you, you know, if they couldn’t even be bothered to like stick around in your life? Like, why should they be getting to see all these photos and information about your life even after the fact, you know?

So my advice is, wait, make these guys take you out on at least a couple of dates. This is actually what I did with my husband. When I met him. Literally, it came up during our first meeting. We didn’t go on a date right away, we met kind of like in a platonic way. But even on that first meeting, it was like it came out that I had a YouTube channel and I talked about, you know, womanhood and things like that. And I mean, he whipped out his phone and was like, oh, what’s the name of it like, and he wanted to read it, like, right away. And I just told them, I said, because he really was, I already have a small channel, but it was like itsy bitsy, you know when I met my now husband, and so I was a little uncomfortable, you know, having him look at it. And so I told him that I said, you know, it’s really small, and I’m kind of uncomfortable giving it out right now. And he was like, okay, you know, like, I could tell he was disappointed.

But like, he was like, okay, and like he didn’t you know, he wasn’t a jerk and, like, pressured me about it or anything. But I did that one because I was uncomfortable giving it out. And then secondly, I didn’t know if he was going to stick around. Like this was only our first meeting. And the other thing is, some guys are really socially awkward. And they’ll get into these parasocial relationships kind of with people who are like girls who are like YouTubers and things like that. They’ll just watch their videos and like they won’t really talk to the girl.

They’ll just watch her videos, you know, and then they kind of get that visual fix there you know? And so I wasn’t like I wasn’t sure if maybe he was like one of those kinds of guys like kind of like a little bit of an INCEL vibe you know, where they just like to watch pretty girls and they don’t interact with them. I didn’t know if he was going to be like that and so I didn’t want him to like you know, get my videos to watch them and then just stop talking to me because Oh, well I get to watch her you know like there are weird guys out there like that. So the good news is he’s not like that. But that was something that you know, I was a little concerned about. I was like I don’t want him you know, because I mean a lot of women have this problem especially on Instagram you know guys will like all their Photos, but like they don’t actually like to ask them out or talk to them. And it can be very frustrating.

So, that’s what I did with my husband. He did ask for my social media on the first, on our first meeting. It wasn’t necessarily our first date, but it was the first time we met. And yeah, I told him no, basically. And then later, after we had been dating, I think we had been on like, four or five dates at that point. It might have even been longer because it took me a long time to work up the nerve to be like, yes, you can watch my channel, you know, because I talk a lot about dating. And it’s like, here, I’m dating this guy, and then he’s gonna hear all my opinions on dating. It’s like, I hope that’s not weird to him, you know? But, yeah, after, I think it was like, Yeah, five, somewhere between date number five and seven. I think it was. I did, I did let him see it. And, he’s been super supportive ever since. Like, he watches my YouTube videos. And he’s always, you know, he one day, he wanted me to go to a coffee shop and show him like, behind the scenes, how I do it and everything. So I logged in to YouTube studio and stuff and showed him but yeah, so it’s, um, anyways, that’s a long video, but I just thought that it would be good to kind of discuss this in a little more detail. Also, with one thing about like, your business stuff, or one thing about like, personal stuff that was with a business type, or topic-based use of social media, I can’t talk right now. I don’t have any personal social media. I don’t have a personal Twitter, I don’t have a personal Instagram. I do have a personal Facebook, but it’s like, I like never log into it much to the irritation of my extended family. But so yeah, the personal social media didn’t really come up because I didn’t have it.

But you know, the topic-based kind did. However, if I did have personal stuff, I would have done exactly the same, I wouldn’t have given it to him on the first date, or even maybe the third or fourth, I would have waited exactly like I did with my topic-based one. And, you know, waited until we had been on more than a few dates. And I knew this guy pretty well, you know, we were actually officially boyfriend and girlfriend at that point, too. Like he had already defined the relationship. And so we were even past that milestone. And so again, I encourage you to take your time giving out, you know, one by telling a guy No, you get to see how he reacts to it. And then secondly, I mean, once he has that info, you can’t take it back, you know, so, so anyways, I just wanted to make that video. It’s food for thought, something to think about. Because social media is something that impacts all our lives. And it’s kind of inescapable nowadays.

So it’s something that’s going to come up. Another thing also is about dating and social media. And I will just say very quickly, you probably know people have found love by, you know, meeting through Instagram, DMS, or whatever things like that. In general, though, I don’t think it’s worth the risks. I think you’re much better off going to an actual dating site, especially one where people have to pay to be on it. Because I feel like that weeds out a lot of the F boys, you know. And that’s more of a problem on social media when they’re when you’re actually not on like an actual dating site. So that’s another thing that sometimes comes up about social media. Oh, well, what if I’m going to use it to find a man. And it’s like, I don’t recommend that. I think you’re going to do better if you actually sign up on an actual dating site. So anyways, if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to comment if you guys know what to do. And I hope you have a great day. And yeah, so have a good day. I don’t know what else to say.