Welcome to Thomistic womanhood. In today’s video, we are going to discuss a pertinent question for those of us that are a little bit on the fluffier side like me. And the question is, Should I wait to date until after I lose weight? So that is a bit of a tongue twister, but it is something that a lot of us women worry about, we see all these like media messages for the super skinny girls. And sometimes you’ll see in a lot of guys’ online profiles, oh, I want a woman who’s in shape or whatever. And so, sometimes you kind of wonder and you’re like, man, should I stop dating, lose a bunch of weight? And then start again? Now I’m sure there are probably people who are going to be in the Yes camp. I’m not Team No. And here’s why I don’t think you should stop dating and lose weight. And then, come back to dating again. And I have multiple reasons for thinking this.

First of all, I didn’t do that. I met my husband when I was good. I mean, I’m kind of fluffy. Okay, like, you can tell plus, like being on camera, like, they say, it adds like 20 pounds. And so like, but yeah, I was overweight, I still am overweight. And when I met my husband, he did not mind at all. And so basically, where you will, if you are a little on if you have a few extra pounds, you’re going to filter out the shallow jerks, they’re going to look for the guys that are hung up on weight. A lot of those kinds of men you don’t want because once you marry them throughout your lifespan, you and he will fluctuate with weight. And so if he’s the kind of guy that’s going to be upset about you putting on some weight, you don’t want someone like that. And so if you are starting, if you meet him with a few extra pounds, you’re going to filter out men like that, and it can actually save you some trouble. So there’s that.

And then another thing, men don’t expect perfection. I think a lot of times when we women go, oh, I have to be at my ideal weight, or I will not date, I won’t find the right guy, if I’m not at my perfect weight, you have to understand that men don’t expect perfection. They expect effort if you’re eating well, and you’ve got an exercise program you’re working on because don’t get me wrong. I am all for losing a healthy amount of weight. I’m working on losing weight, trying to eat well and exercising and stuff. I’m bad about exercise. But yeah, I need to get better about that. But, it’s something I’m working on. And I do encourage Yeah, I think everybody should work on managing their weight, especially with all the things like fast food and the preservatives and junk that’s in our food, it’s really easy to get your metabolism screwed up.

And the stress levels, oh my gosh, everybody is carrying extra weight. I feel like, especially if you’re watching this from America, we are known for being heavy, but men understand this, they understand it, and they don’t expect perfection, they just expect effort. If you’re sitting on the couch, eating potato chips, and you’re just like ballooning up and you don’t even care at all, then yes, some guys will have a problem with that. But on the other hand, if you recognize it, and you’re like I want to be more healthy, I want to eat better, I want to do this exercise, blah, blah, blah, as long as you’re making an effort toward it, most guys are satisfied with that.

So this whole idea that you have to be the perfect weight guy who thinks that way is usually the shallow jerks I talked about earlier. So just know that as long as you’re working on it like that’s all guys really care about, and then the next thing is men like all kinds of weights. This is something that we don’t know because of the way the media is, Hollywood and the images of the women we get are all skinny. And there are reasons for this. First of all, one of the big reasons for modeling in fashion magazines is that girls are always super skinny. Well, the reason for that is the way the clothes are made, they don’t want to have to spend a lot of money buying too many clothes for different models. They want to buy the clothes once when they’re doing these photoshoots they don’t want their merchandise to be spoiled. And so they want clothes that are going to fit the widest they want women who are going to fit the widest amount of outfits and so if you get a very skinny girl, she’s like a hanger and you just put the clothes on her and then you don’t see her body you see the clothes and then the merchandise you don’t have that adjusts the clothes or do anything to her to the clothes they’ll do things to the girls and tell them they’re too fat and things like that.

But in general, the modeling industry picks skinny women, because it’s better from merchandise and cutting business costs point of view. Okay, so like, that’s one thing you need to understand when you see all these skinny girls in like magazines, they’re not picking them, because that’s what’s considered beautiful. They’re picking them because that’s what’s convenient for the fashion business that is hiring this model and paying for this photoshoot. Okay, so that’s one thing to know about.

And then second, like in Hollywood and stuff, Hollywood is trying to sell the movie, they’re selling movie tickets, they’re selling blu ray discs, they want you to go see this movie. And so to do that, they’re going to pick women that have the broadest appeal, that has the most appeal to the highest number of men, okay? They’re not going to pick, there are men out there because every guy has his type. Some men like curvier women, other men, like the skinny athletic type, it just depends on what this guy’s particular type is, I think one of the biggest misconceptions about men and weight is the idea that there’s only one ideal weight when you talk to men, it varies you like there’s always going to be a guy out there that likes your size. But the reason Hollywood does what they do is most men, yes, most men like a slimmer woman, okay. And that’s why you’re going to see it in Hollywood because again, it’s a sales thing. They’re trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator to the broadest number of men. However, that is not to say that there aren’t significant amounts of men that are interested in heavier, curvier women, okay. And then on the other spectrum, some men really dig the anorexic look, okay, so they’re out there, don’t feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re a little overweight. And despite your best efforts, if you’re having trouble getting it off, there will be a guy out there that is attracted to you just the weight you’re at.

Now, again, I think we should all try to work on our health, I think it’s important to work on your health, not necessarily your weight, because if you’re healthy, then you’ll naturally be at a weight that’s good for your body, but don’t think that no guy’s gonna want you if you’re a little overweight. Like, that’s not how it works. I’m a bit overweight. And my husband will tell me if I’m like, oh, yeah, I’m gonna do this, like weight loss thing, and blah, blah, and he’s like, you’re not gonna lose weight are you? I like the way you look doesn’t change because again, like, I’m at the weight that he is attracted to. And rather than wanting me to lose weight, he actually kind of uses it with dismay, when I tell him, I’m going to start working out, I’m going to lose a bunch of weight. And he’s seen pictures of me when I was at a much skinnier weight. And he sits there and he goes, You are too skinny. You were too skinny. And so, again, guys, like all different types. Okay, so the other thing too, though, is sometimes we women can be and I know, I’ve been there I was the I was like this more about processing trauma and stuff, we often have some sort of thing that we use as a reason to sit out the dating market, the dating scene?

Because it’s a mess out there. And it can often be easier to tell ourselves, Well, I am not, I’m not skinny enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not at the right weight. So I’m going to wait on dating, or, like, for me, my big thing wasn’t Wait, it was well, I haven’t processed enough trauma. Maybe that’s why or and there are different reasons that we’ll tell ourselves to kind of excuse ourselves, not getting involved in dating and finding someone because it can be scary, nobody wants to be hurt. So if you are asking this question, be honest with yourself and ask yourself, Am I claiming this weight as a milestone? As kind of a gateway like once I do this, then I can start dating.

Are you telling yourself that because like that’s what you want? Or are you telling yourself that because you’re scared to date just food for thought, think something to think about the other thing now having said all that, there is one exception if you’re watching this and you’re like, No, I really need to lose weight? I’m not hiding from anything. I just really need to lose weight. Okay, yeah, maybe you’re very overweight. maybe you are like, I don’t know, maybe you’re like 300 pounds or something and you’re like, No, no, I need to lose weight. I’d say the exception to this would be, if you have a plan, like, let’s say you glow up plan, and what you’re going to eat every day, you’ve chosen a diet. I did the Eat to Live diet, it’s a really good one. But, whatever it is you’ve got your diet picked. And what’s going to work, especially for your body type, why you particularly put on weight, it can be different reasons, sometimes it’s a thyroid issue.

Sometimes you have PCOS, sometimes it’s just junk food, sometimes you just eat too much stuff, just what it is, and how you’re going to work on it, and you have a fitness plan together, how you’re going to exercise, and you have it and you have a time-based thing, okay, that this is the important part if it’s just some indefinite glow up plan that you haven’t set, a target for when it’s going to be done. If you have a clear plan, what you’re going to eat, where you’re going to work out, exactly how much weight you want to lose, and how much time you’re giving yourself, you’re like, I will eat the such and such diet, and I will work out three times a week, and I will lose 25 pounds in 90 days by September, whatever, whatever 90 days is, and you have it all very clear. And then you’ve told yourself, like, I will start dating again, regardless of whether it works, then, in that case, I would say, Yeah, you should do it. But it has to be something where you have a very specific limit to it. It’s not some open-ended thing where you’re like, Oh, well, I’m gonna wait until I lose weight. And I haven’t picked my diet yet. I just, I’m not dating until I lose weight.

But yet you’re not doing anything concrete, to lose weight. In that case, I’d be like, No, you should just keep dating. But if you have a plan, and you’ve got a timeline, and you are very specific about it, and you’re gonna keep dating, whether let’s say you start on your plan, and you slack off, and then three months later, you’re like, I didn’t lose weight, but I guess I’ll just do another 90-day plan and I’ll just sit out dating and again, another 90 days, don’t do that to yourself, if you’re gonna do it, stick to it. But tell yourself, I’m going to go back to dating whether or not I execute my plan, that in itself can be motivating. You can end up like, if like, Oh, I’m going to date whether I lose weight or not. So I better work on my plan, it can be motivating. So, anyway, those are my thoughts on that question. I hope it’s helpful for you. So good luck, good luck. Whatever you decide to do, if you decide to lose weight and wait on dating Good luck with that. Make a plan and give yourself a timeline and a deadline. And then yeah, if you choose to date anyways, good for you like good luck, and I hope this was helpful. So if you have any questions or comments, feel free to comment below and I hope you have a great day.