Welcome to Thomistic womanhood. In today’s video we’re going to talk about why do men pull away? Why does he act interested and then disappear? This is something that I’ve been through. So many women have been through this since the beginning of time, this is a really common thing guys do and it drives us, women, crazy. And there are tons of questions from women about this. So I figured I’d do a video about it. And we can kind of talk about what causes this and what you can do about it. Number one, we’ll talk about why men do this. There are two reasons, there’s kind of the bad news. And then there’s the good news. So we’ll get into the bad news first. And it’s kind of what you think, like, Oh, he’s just not that into you, guys are a little different than women. And they will sometimes flirt with people they’re not attracted to. And I know that sounds mind-blowing, but you got to think of it the way guys think of it.

So for them getting into a relationship, getting a beautiful woman into a relationship is like a skill, it’s like a goal they want to accomplish. And to accomplish that goal, there are certain skills involved, like flirting with women, that’s one of them. And guys want to practice that skill. And so sometimes they will, like, flirt with a girl they’re not interested in because they’re practicing their skills. And it sucks to be the practice girl, and men shouldn’t do this. It’s messed up because as women, we approach relationships and meeting people, it’s kind of like a human connection thing, you’re sitting down, you’re talking to this person, you’re getting to know them, there’s a certain respect there because this is another human being. And, that is the right way to think about it. And yeah, not all guys think of it like that, it’s immature. And they shouldn’t do that.

But sometimes they do that, think of it like that like the basketball analogy, let’s say you’re trying to shoot a basketball and get it into the hoop, you’re gonna make a lot of shots before you get one in there. And that’s kind of how some men think about dating, especially the immature ones. So that can sometimes be one of the reasons. And then another reason that kind of falls under this heading is attention. Men are lonely. A lot of guys are lonely. And they don’t show their loneliness the way we women do. And so to us, we can often miss the signs of a lonely guy. But yeah, men want attention just from the opposite sex just as much as us women do. And they will deny it all the time. whenever you ask, guys. It’s no I don’t, I don’t need female attention. I’m good because guys always want to put on that tough guy, friend. But yeah, a lot of men, sometimes it’s not that they’re practicing, it’s that they picked up on the fact that you like them, and that you’re willing to make the moves to move the relationship forward, you’re willing to call first and you’re willing to text first. And frankly, they just like that attention. It’s validating, it makes them feel important that a pretty girl is reaching out first and pursuing them. And a lot of guys again, when they’re immature, they want that attention.

So sometimes that can be a reason why he acted all interested. And then he just disappeared. Because yeah, maybe he picked up on the fact that you were more into him than he was you. But he let it keep going. Because it flattered his ego, it made him feel good about himself. So that can be the other reason. So those are kind of the bad news reasons. Now, here’s the good news reason, with the first guy emotionally you’re going to kind of sense it because you’re going to feel like the relationship is on and off again, or you’re going to feel insecure about how he feels about you. You’re going to maybe feel frustrated, it’s going to be just really baffling like oh, why do you do this that can often be I’m not going to say for sure but it can often be a sign that you’re dealing with Mr. Number one He’s Just Not That Into You for whatever reason. The second reason is that it’s a little more positive. The good news is this is the guy that is into you, but maybe he’s just not into the emotional connection right now. And the way you can tell the differences again, how does this guy make you feel. Maybe it’s because you’re not necessarily worried about the relationships over or in a big dramatic way, but it is a little annoying. You get kind of slight annoyance things will be going And then you’re like, Hmm, he’s never done that before, I know you’re not super insecure about the relationship, but it is kind of a little annoyance that comes up now and then that’s kind of the second guy, that’s when you’re dealing with the second guy who he is into you, but he just may not be into the emotional connection at that moment. And men do this. And this is what I’m talking about, like that inside answer, you have to go into the mind of the guy and how they are psychological, they are not wired for, intense human connection the way we women are, we’re designed to be social and nurturing, and we’re very in touch with our feelings, we have a lot of feelings, and then also, we’re designed to deal with children and children have a ton of feelings, big feelings, big tantrums, big tears.

So we’re very comfortable with a lot of feelings in connection and dealing with people, men, not so much, God designed men a different way, they’re designed more for like protecting and providing and achieving goals and getting resources and bringing them back to the community, that is not something that relies on a lot of human connection, at least not in quite the same way. And so for men, psychologically, they’re just not designed to have constant 24/7 emotional connection, every so often, they do need to kind of pull away and have a little bit of space, and then kind of get back in themselves a little bit. Because it’s just, they’re just different from women in that way. A lot of men if you’ve noticed, pay attention to like your father, your brothers, do they often go on fishing trips by themselves or car trips by themselves, and then they come back, and they’re fine, this is how men are, they get to a point where, like, let’s call it their love tank, their love tank is a little smaller than ours. And so they just kind of get to a point where they’re full. And then they’re like, Okay, I just need to kind of be by myself for a bit, or I need to be out with the guys for a bit, he kind of needs to like, get back in touch with his masculinity a little bit, men have to dip into a softer side of themselves, to connect with, their loved ones, like the woman in their life, especially their children. And so sometimes, for men, he needs to kind of pull away from that now and then to kind of get back in touch with this masculine side. It’s a normal process, there’s nothing wrong with them, it doesn’t mean they’re broken, it just means that men, they’re just different.

So those are kind of the reasons why that happens. Now, if you’re watching this, and you’re like, okay, great, but what can I do about it? How can I make him pull away less? Or how can I make him when he does pull away? How can I make it shorter? The short answer is, oops, I got a text message. I think that’s my husband. Yeah, dude, it is. So what you can do about this, again, there’s kind of some bad news here, you can’t control a man’s need for alone time and kind of, like, getting back in touch with himself, you can’t control that process. That’s something up to him, it’s just a psychological barometer he has in himself, and you can’t, it’s not like a thermostat, you can’t adjust the degrees, it’s kind of just more like a thermometer you see on the wall out on your patio, you can read what it’s saying, but you can’t change the weather, but one of the things you can do, to try to minimize, any problems that come from this is one naturally, you can try to pick a guy that’s, maybe has a higher threshold for emotional connection. So if you’re single, and you’re still dating, this is something to keep in mind, try to get a guy that’s a little more emotionally comfortable. And then, if you’re already in a relationship, that’s not going to help, but it’s food for thought.

The other thing and if you’re already in a relationship with a guy, another thing and this goes for all guys, even the more emotionally, the more emotionally in touch ones, you have to give guys their space, when you first get into a relationship with a guy. Don’t like the Insta relationship. like, as soon as you guys start dating, don’t expect him to call you every day, even though you just met him last weekend, or now you should plan all your weekends, assuming you guys are going to go on a date, like don’t instantly jump into a relationship with Him. You have to kind of be a little mysterious and a little, not unavailable in the sense of like you ignore his calls, but unavailable in the sense that you’re not the one assuming this is going to turn into a relationship.

You just give it space and you let it develop how it’s going to develop and you’re not constantly, relying on him to make you happy and make your life have meaning and you’re not constantly looking to Him to be the most interesting thing in your life, men sense that and that can make them a little less emotionally open, they can kind of lock up when they see that or they will invoke get involved with it, and they’ll kind of like love bomb, and they’ll go right along with it for a while, and then they’ll hit the brakes, like very dramatically, maybe like a month in, suddenly, he just stopped calling for three days, like you don’t want, you don’t want that to happen. So just kind of give the guys space, you let him be the one to call you let him be the one to ask you out on dates, you let him be the one to say I love you first or, have the talk, where’s this relationship going, I want you to be my girlfriend, let him do those milestones, that way he sees consistently over the life of this relationship, that you’re the one letting him do those milestones, that’s going to make him feel more emotionally comfortable.

And then he’s not going to feel as much of a need to pull away. Or if he does, he’s going to do it for a shorter amount of time. Because he just feels he has plenty of space. So it’s easy for him to get back in touch with himself because he doesn’t feel that pressure to like, be super connected to you. So that’s something to keep in mind. The other thing is if he said a moment, and again, this is, if he’s pulling away, it’s kind of maybe he seems a little colder on a date, or maybe he normally calls you at six o’clock every day. And he called it nine o’clock today, or well, he didn’t call every day, he’s been calling every day. And then now he’s calling every other day, but he’s still kind of in fairly regular contact. That’s what I’m talking about. If he just stops calling for like, a week or two, and you guys have been on a couple of dates, then this is not that’s not what I’m talking about. You’re dealing with the number one guy, not the number two guy you’re dealing with Mr. He’s not that into you.

So but number two guy, he’ll keep up regular contact, but you’ll start noticing like, sometimes it’s a little random, maybe the pattern gets broken a little bit every once in a while. Or maybe you’re on a date. And he’s a little colder than normal. But he seemed fine by the end of it. Should I be worried about that? I’m saying no, you shouldn’t be worried about that. Because guys, they’re going to fluctuate, just like we do. They fluctuate as far as how much emotional connection they want. And so then, one of the things to do while this is happening for you is, take care of yourself. Take a spa day, call your friends, go out shopping with your friends, go somewhere fun, you guys have always maybe you live near Six Flags, and you’ve always wanted to go maybe pick a weekend if he was distant on your recent date. Well, maybe that next weekend, plan a date out with your friends, take some of your girlfriends and go to like the six flags that you always wanted to go or something, do things for you that you’re happy with that make you feel interested about your life, things that make you want to get up in the morning, do those things if you have like a creative outlet, work on it. If you’re artistic, and you like to paint or you like to sculpt or you like to sew and whatever you like to do that’s creative, or find it, find a creative outlet. Maybe you don’t have one I mentioned on the channel that I’ve worked in tech and a long time ago, back when I had just graduated high school and I first got into computers, I got into it because this happened to me. I was. I don’t know if we were officially dating, but there was a guy I worked with, and we had gone out a couple of times.

And then one day he just called to ask me out. And I had said, oh, I’m not available that weekend. But I was hoping to see him again later. And I didn’t see him again after that. And when it became clear, he wasn’t going to call back. Like I was kind of down about that. Because I like this guy. He seemed interesting. He had a lot of potential. And so one of the things that I liked about him was he was very creative. He said he was an animator on the SpongeBob series, which I loved SpongeBob so he would draw me SpongeBob pictures. And so that was one thing I liked about him. I liked how creative he was. And so I thought, I will try to do something creative myself, to try and ignore, and get over the fact that I’m disappointed. I hadn’t heard back from him again. And I never did hear back from him. But the creative thing I picked was computers. I was like I’m gonna make a website, and lo and behold, that ended up launching me into a really interesting hobby that later became my career. And it was all because I was disappointed over a guy that didn’t call back, so you never know where this can lead you. Sometimes the guy pulling away it’s good for us women, it gives us space to reconnect with our lives. men are better at this than we are.

If you’ve ever gotten lost in a relationship or you feel you lose yourself. This is something that you can watch the man in your life and when he starts Pulling away. Try this, instead of getting nervous and texting him or calling him or, asking, like, what’s different? Or how are you feeling is something wrong? Why don’t you just take that as a sign, from whoever, from God, the universe, whoever you believe in, but you could take it as a sign that maybe I need to reconnect with myself, maybe I’m getting a little too lost in this? And then you can kind of while he’s out doing his thing and reconnecting with, his hobbies and his life outside you, you do the same thing, find a hobby you like or do one that, maybe you were really in delight, let’s say you were really into like fitness before you met this guy, get back into fitness, design a workout for yourself that you like, make a plan, start doing it every day, or again, find a hobby you like, or if you’re into painting or something, do a painting, there are lots of things that we can turn this into a blessing instead of a curse, is what I’m saying. It does kind of suck that men are like this because sometimes it happens when you least expect it, it kind of throws you off a little bit, you’re like, Oh, I was, I was hoping for a different response, but again, turn it into a blessing, take it as a sign of, okay, when you pull away, I’m going to pull away too, it’s a sign that we need space in this relationship.

And we both need to work on ourselves, as people, and then in a couple of days, he’ll call again, and you’ll feel refreshed and happy because you just got this cool painting done, or you just, started a new workout, you’re all excited, and then he’s all excited because he got to go out with his friends or he went on this fishing trip. And then when you guys do come back together, you’ll both enjoy the relationship better, because you gave yourself that space outside of it. So again, it sucks when guys do this but try to think of it as a blessing and a curse. And just see it as a signal of oh, it’s time to take care of myself, it’s time to go take a bubble bath, or let me go schedule, see if I can get into last-minute facials today or something or take it as a sign for that doesn’t have to be bad news. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. And so just try to reframe the way you look at it. And so anyway, I hope that’s helpful. I hope that maybe answered some questions or reassured you a little bit if you’re dealing with that in your life. And I find that the younger guys are and the less experienced with women, the more dramatically they tend to like to pull away and stuff. So again, it’s food for thought.

So I hope that helps. And if you have any questions or concerns, leave them in the comments below. And thanks for watching. Have a great day.